Aa
Caring for the Cargiver
I've been worrying my tail off about my husband since before marriage. Not so much back then as we were told it wasn't a major concern.
In 2006, he was told he has an "abnormal heartbeat" or a missing beat, but nothing to be too concerned about at that point. He has a long history of males passing due to heart failure. He has always been extremely healthy; works out, eats proper meals, doesn't smoke, and only drinks on occasion.
Over the past year his heart flutterings and tightness in chest has been increasing. He hates going to the doctor and I am starting to come to the realization of why.
He is in the military. Tricare is my life-line. He worries about my health and quality of life and thinks that if he goes to the dr., any found dx that could medically discharge him would be stressful to us both.
With enough urging, he went to the dr. yesterday and they wanted to send him to the specialist immediately, but there wasn't availability. They told him that the frequency of the fluttering, dizziness, tightness would be "normal" if were happening once a month, but the pattern of multiple times a day is highly threatening... especially at age 35.
Then, they told him that he may be facing a possible pace maker or leaking valve, and told him that back in 2006 his records show he had an AV first degree block which has probably developed into something further now that we are 6 years later and untreated...
So, I am anxiously waiting.... burnt out from researching pace makers, valve replacements, 1st, 2nd, and 3rd degree heart blocks, and life expectancy. I'm scared to death.
I am feeling uncomfortably protective and a bit emotionally fragile. Neither one of us has a family support system, and really... this is where I come to share my feelings.
I understand this is probably not the right place for me to be throwing all this out there, but ... I'm not sure that I am ready to move on to the heart disease forum yet without knowing the total prognosis from the specialist today.
Thanks for listening :)
In 2006, he was told he has an "abnormal heartbeat" or a missing beat, but nothing to be too concerned about at that point. He has a long history of males passing due to heart failure. He has always been extremely healthy; works out, eats proper meals, doesn't smoke, and only drinks on occasion.
Over the past year his heart flutterings and tightness in chest has been increasing. He hates going to the doctor and I am starting to come to the realization of why.
He is in the military. Tricare is my life-line. He worries about my health and quality of life and thinks that if he goes to the dr., any found dx that could medically discharge him would be stressful to us both.
With enough urging, he went to the dr. yesterday and they wanted to send him to the specialist immediately, but there wasn't availability. They told him that the frequency of the fluttering, dizziness, tightness would be "normal" if were happening once a month, but the pattern of multiple times a day is highly threatening... especially at age 35.
Then, they told him that he may be facing a possible pace maker or leaking valve, and told him that back in 2006 his records show he had an AV first degree block which has probably developed into something further now that we are 6 years later and untreated...
So, I am anxiously waiting.... burnt out from researching pace makers, valve replacements, 1st, 2nd, and 3rd degree heart blocks, and life expectancy. I'm scared to death.
I am feeling uncomfortably protective and a bit emotionally fragile. Neither one of us has a family support system, and really... this is where I come to share my feelings.
I understand this is probably not the right place for me to be throwing all this out there, but ... I'm not sure that I am ready to move on to the heart disease forum yet without knowing the total prognosis from the specialist today.
Thanks for listening :)
lol I have an actual "special Needs" representative that I contact for anything I need pushed through. The same person every time. I have his name, email, cell number and his boss' contact info :) They have been with me since dx in 2009. I guess because my DH is active duty I get special treatment. I'll take full advantage of them any time I can WHILE i can... cause we all know good things (like that) don't last forever.
I used to work for Tricare ask for a supervisor they are folks in cubicles on a phone cue. They have there rules but will work with you. They hope you will give up but they usually will work with you if your persist over three times.
Alex
Alex
Thanks, Twopack, for your input and sharing your experience. It's comforting to hear how little there is to fear, even if this isn't the best news someone at his age wants to hear. Neither is MS, but we got through that ;) and are still working through it.
This para cracked me up btw, and I love the analogy "Sometimes it’s the plumbing. Sometimes it’s electrical. Sometimes it’s structural. The inspector general of cardiology pinpoints the problem and then calls in the appropriate union shop specialist for monitoring or repairs."
It was then that I knew you must be a male. :)
And heart warming with how warm of a reply can still come from your species. Thank you.
This para cracked me up btw, and I love the analogy "Sometimes it’s the plumbing. Sometimes it’s electrical. Sometimes it’s structural. The inspector general of cardiology pinpoints the problem and then calls in the appropriate union shop specialist for monitoring or repairs."
It was then that I knew you must be a male. :)
And heart warming with how warm of a reply can still come from your species. Thank you.
I had a pacemaker implanted just last March and I'm much better off with it than without. I wish they had done it two years ago and saved me a few extra symptoms. In my case, inflammatory and autoimmune diseases complicate the total picture. It's hard to know which process to blame or treat.
Getting a pacemaker is minor ‘surgery’. I was awake with local numbing around the collarbone area and went home the next day. There are many non-invasive or minimally invasive type tests that are done to help determine problems that exist in the heart. Sometimes it’s the plumbing. Sometimes it’s electrical. Sometimes it’s structural. The inspector general of cardiology pinpoints the problem and then calls in the appropriate union shop specialist for monitoring or repairs.
I'm a veteran (Vietnam era) but not military disabled or retired. I mention this because I am familiar with fears associated with a potential forced discharge and the hassles of battling off-base insurance (CHAMPUS back then). Very little of it feels truly “free” in the end.
It's wonderful to worry about each other and be protective but in reality it is a strategy that often backfires unless it is shored up with open communication and alternative planning. Get through this immediate storm crisis and then plan to have a meeting of the minds meeting :) As in other things, the whole (of your marriage) is greater than the sum of its parts. Convince your love you want to work together! He's military.... he'll understand the principle.
I doubt he's in any immediate danger if they allowed him to remain on duty and participate in emergency preparedness. It's still OK to remind him you want and NEED him to be careful about listening to what his body tells him.
Thank you for your duel sacrifice. In my mind, one person on active duty means a family of sacrifice.
Getting a pacemaker is minor ‘surgery’. I was awake with local numbing around the collarbone area and went home the next day. There are many non-invasive or minimally invasive type tests that are done to help determine problems that exist in the heart. Sometimes it’s the plumbing. Sometimes it’s electrical. Sometimes it’s structural. The inspector general of cardiology pinpoints the problem and then calls in the appropriate union shop specialist for monitoring or repairs.
I'm a veteran (Vietnam era) but not military disabled or retired. I mention this because I am familiar with fears associated with a potential forced discharge and the hassles of battling off-base insurance (CHAMPUS back then). Very little of it feels truly “free” in the end.
It's wonderful to worry about each other and be protective but in reality it is a strategy that often backfires unless it is shored up with open communication and alternative planning. Get through this immediate storm crisis and then plan to have a meeting of the minds meeting :) As in other things, the whole (of your marriage) is greater than the sum of its parts. Convince your love you want to work together! He's military.... he'll understand the principle.
I doubt he's in any immediate danger if they allowed him to remain on duty and participate in emergency preparedness. It's still OK to remind him you want and NEED him to be careful about listening to what his body tells him.
Thank you for your duel sacrifice. In my mind, one person on active duty means a family of sacrifice.
Thanks for all the comments. Really :) I was a bit freaked out yesterday, and am a little better today although, still with not much more for answers.
The hubby hasn't told me much. I think he's worried, too, and to top it all off - he's in the middle of a statistics class... so he doesn't exactly have time to rest and worry.
All I could get out from him is that they ran another ekg, the results provided the same outline as before so, the dr. didn't want to send him away without running a blood test which, he couldn't do until this morning - empty stomach.
So... they talked to him about a pace maker and said that it isn't something that they want to worry him about right now since the tests weren't providing any additional details than his records showed.
When I asked him what the Dr. was hoping to determine from the blood test, he said he didn't know. Annoying. I think he's just not telling me much any more.
To top it all off -- he doesn't exactly have time for this because we are (the Gulf Coast and the Coast Guard) is preparing for the possibility of hurricane Isaac.
Between his appointments, college course, my new therapy, and the hurricane... I think he's stressed the heck out. Maybe that's what caused all these symptoms to come on?
Anyway - about Tricare - since he's active duty, it's not like being retired where you can research dr's and pick and choose. He has to go to whomever is chosen for him since we are 5 miles from a base. Me being a "special needs" - I get to choose off base dr.'s and I have a tricare advocate where, luckily, I have no worries or payments. I feel it's a very good system for me, not so good for him.
When he retires, it'll be another story and we'll be in a different boat fighting the payment and dr battle most of you are doing.
So, for now... we're still waiting for prognosis, and tonight I'm going to purchase hurricane preparation gear in-case of an evacuation.. *rolling eyes*
I've only been in Mobile since June!! August has been a real SH** storm.
The hubby hasn't told me much. I think he's worried, too, and to top it all off - he's in the middle of a statistics class... so he doesn't exactly have time to rest and worry.
All I could get out from him is that they ran another ekg, the results provided the same outline as before so, the dr. didn't want to send him away without running a blood test which, he couldn't do until this morning - empty stomach.
So... they talked to him about a pace maker and said that it isn't something that they want to worry him about right now since the tests weren't providing any additional details than his records showed.
When I asked him what the Dr. was hoping to determine from the blood test, he said he didn't know. Annoying. I think he's just not telling me much any more.
To top it all off -- he doesn't exactly have time for this because we are (the Gulf Coast and the Coast Guard) is preparing for the possibility of hurricane Isaac.
Between his appointments, college course, my new therapy, and the hurricane... I think he's stressed the heck out. Maybe that's what caused all these symptoms to come on?
Anyway - about Tricare - since he's active duty, it's not like being retired where you can research dr's and pick and choose. He has to go to whomever is chosen for him since we are 5 miles from a base. Me being a "special needs" - I get to choose off base dr.'s and I have a tricare advocate where, luckily, I have no worries or payments. I feel it's a very good system for me, not so good for him.
When he retires, it'll be another story and we'll be in a different boat fighting the payment and dr battle most of you are doing.
So, for now... we're still waiting for prognosis, and tonight I'm going to purchase hurricane preparation gear in-case of an evacuation.. *rolling eyes*
I've only been in Mobile since June!! August has been a real SH** storm.
Look woman! You need your tail! Just kidding :)
All kidding aside, he just needs to go and get this taken care of. When a pacemaker is offered, gracefully ask to be sent for a 2nd opinion. The leaky valve can cause this too, and that can be fixed most times.
It's simply that important for more opinions. His future will be on the line which is totally understandable to be worried about, but your future quality together is also on the line.
He'd not want you worrying for sure :) It's not good for you of course, and don't google those pmakers anymore - it will make you batty, but do google heart docs that take your insurance, get yourself up a running list, call them all, and mark off that list.
Big hugs to you, we are here for you. Please thank your hubby fromthe bottom of my heart for his service. And for yours too as a military wife, such a critical role.
(((((hugs)))))
All kidding aside, he just needs to go and get this taken care of. When a pacemaker is offered, gracefully ask to be sent for a 2nd opinion. The leaky valve can cause this too, and that can be fixed most times.
It's simply that important for more opinions. His future will be on the line which is totally understandable to be worried about, but your future quality together is also on the line.
He'd not want you worrying for sure :) It's not good for you of course, and don't google those pmakers anymore - it will make you batty, but do google heart docs that take your insurance, get yourself up a running list, call them all, and mark off that list.
Big hugs to you, we are here for you. Please thank your hubby fromthe bottom of my heart for his service. And for yours too as a military wife, such a critical role.
(((((hugs)))))
This is the right place to vent. Men just do not like to go to Doctors. Like everything you can't control the outcome and worrying is trying to control the outcome. There are many possibilities and the doctors will figure it out. I have had a lot of heart issues with my cancer. They make me very uncomfortable but mine are simply electrolyte inbalances due all my weight loss and the stress of cancer. I am weak, light headed and tachycardic. So far the Doctors say I will be all right but I feel like hell. I had never had heart problems and probably will be fine in the end. There are many reasons for medical issues some benign, some not. I would not jump to the worse case scenario until you have to.
hang in there.
Alex
hang in there.
Alex
and I am pretty sure that caryopteris meant those are NOT high risk procedures instead of now. :-) Those are my kind of typos.
of course this is the right place to share all these feelings. I sure know what you are thinking and going through because my DH also comes from a family where the men usually didn't make it to 50. He also had his open heart surgery with 4 bypasses at the age of 51. He is now 63 and continues to do pretty well. Modern medicine is pretty amazing but the doctors have to be given the opportunity to find the problem and then fix it.
Tricare , from what I know from close friends is not the best of systems, but you do have them . Your husband would also have their care if he is forced to do disability retirement - and that coverage would extend to you. He is so sweet to be worrying a bout you and your medical care, but it won't do you a bit of good if he isn't around to spend time with you.
Just like MS, there is a lot of really bad and scarey information about heart surgeries and implants out there on the web. Please be sure that the places you are reading are telling the truth and not an exageration version Yes, there are scarey parts but there are also lots of good parts. PLANNED heart procedures are so succesful compared to ones done under emergency conditions.
I've had my own heart attack as well - which you might or might now remember. It is frightening, but knowledge makes us stronger. Feel free to drop me a PM if you want to chat privately, but I bet there are others here reading your words and going through somewhat the same thing.
I'll be waiting to see your update - it will be ok.
lots of hugs,
L
Tricare , from what I know from close friends is not the best of systems, but you do have them . Your husband would also have their care if he is forced to do disability retirement - and that coverage would extend to you. He is so sweet to be worrying a bout you and your medical care, but it won't do you a bit of good if he isn't around to spend time with you.
Just like MS, there is a lot of really bad and scarey information about heart surgeries and implants out there on the web. Please be sure that the places you are reading are telling the truth and not an exageration version Yes, there are scarey parts but there are also lots of good parts. PLANNED heart procedures are so succesful compared to ones done under emergency conditions.
I've had my own heart attack as well - which you might or might now remember. It is frightening, but knowledge makes us stronger. Feel free to drop me a PM if you want to chat privately, but I bet there are others here reading your words and going through somewhat the same thing.
I'll be waiting to see your update - it will be ok.
lots of hugs,
L
It's a shame that he did not get this treated sooner, but if all he needs is a pacemaker or an implanted defibrillator, those are now high-risk procedures and there is a good chance he will be much better off afterward. The heart is very important, but we know a lot about cardiac conditions, and there is reason to be very hopeful.
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