...Guilt +...

[TIPCrys]

I was wondering about some input regarding gulit? I am thinking mostly in regards to work. I have had plenty of time learning not to feel guilty(or be okay feeling guilty) about missing out on social type things. However, I have recently had to cut a couple of things off of my work responsibilities. There are a couple of duties that I just shouldn't push myself to physically do anymore and I feel guilty. I feel bad and kinda think I'm not pulling my weight. I use to be a top performer, now I can't demonstrate my abilities like I could.
It seems like it has been happening for a while, but feels really sudden.
I am not disclosed to anyone - save one immediate supervisor.

[firerescue9]

Guilt can be a tricking thing.  As for work I am the same way always trying to be at the top of my responsibilities, one who would take on new duties and excel at them.  I also at first only confided in my immediate supervisor worried that the MS diagnosis would put my job at risk.  I was wrong in that aspect my company as been  very supportive.  But I did not want to give up my responsibilities I felt like I was giving into the disease and letting down my company.  I still do most things and only ask for help when I know that it is necessary.  Most of my guilt has turned into anger know.  It just upsets me that I can't do things I want to.  As a volunteer fire fighter also  I have had to limit myself in some duties depending on how I may be feeling that day.  This is were most of my guilt is know, but my fire company has been very supportive and this helps to make me understand that the guilt is something that I have to overcome in time.  I hope you have a company that is just supportive as mine.

[HVAC]

For me guilt is a wasted emotion. I used to feel guilty. I realized it hurt those around me. If you intentionally hurt somebody like killing them, hurting them, or stealing then guilt is appropriate. For getting sick something you can't control it is not. I do not like being around guilty people it makes me feel bad.

I used to work now I can't. I have MS and a bad cancer. You would not think I was shirking but you are hard on yourself. Treat yourself as you would treat others. I do not even take blame anymore. Things just happen. I grew up with guilt and blame. They are a hard trap to get out of.

MS is adapting. Our body's betray us and we have to adapt to every knew obstacle. I can't do what I used to. I worked commercial air conditioning which involves climbing three story ladders and lifting 50-100 Ibls all the time. Then I worked for Veterinarians which was also physical. Then I was a fine art painter and my double vision and hand pain got in the way.

Am I less worthy because I am not working? Are you less worthy because you had to cut back?

Alex

[jenphilly]

Alex made some great points!!!  If you are still doing everything you can, there is no reason to feel guilty.  Has your supervisor expresses any discontent with your job performance?  Sometimes when we can't do the work of several people anyone, its a great opportunity to teach others!!  

I am no long able to work full time, but I don't feel guilty, I use my experience and knowledge to help a great guy with a small, young, growing company.  He could not have afforded to pay me if I was working full time in 'normal capacity', but I know I'm a tremendous asset to him and the young company.  I also volunteer for a nonprofit parrot rescue, so I feel great knowing I'm still being productive and helping others.  I just can't do it all myself, but I can help make sure others get the physical tasks done.  

It sounds like you are doing as much as you can!!  Nothing to feel guilty over :)

[TIPCrys]

I do have a fairly progressive employer. When dealing with HR at corporate, I have had very little issue. However, at store level it breaks down sadly. Plus, my accommodations in the past have had all the paperwork in place. I am not ready to disclose and do not have all the diagnostics/etc available to file the paperwork.
It sounds like, considering, your situation is moving smoothly. I'm so glad for you. I think it is very good that you are actively working with your company on things - I would think it will enable you to keep working for longer. Even if it feels a little stifled in ways.
Thank you for sharing.

[TIPCrys]

I'm thinking it's not just guilt on behalf of my coworkers, but the lamenting of the loss of ability. I identify heavily with my performance at work. I feel sorrow that I can't meet my potential. Plus the hiding... I've been using my cane everywhere (but work) recently due to having fallen in the snow/ice three times. I usually only need it periodically. The last couple of days I have considered using it at work, but coworkers don't know my situation. I am hiding.

And you are right.. I am hard on myself. I have higher standards for me than for others, but I also know my abilities (unless illness gets in the way).

Thanks for posting. I always look forward to your input.

[TIPCrys]

It is awesome that you are staying interactive with your life!

I like your point of my supervisor's opinion of performance level. I have always been sorely aware of evaluation. I am the go to for training the new people if the schedule will allow for it, but it is random for new hires.

Honestly, I need to get out of this position. I have other education I could utilize. It is difficult, because where I live is slim on employment and I haven't been able to find anything without too large a pay cut. I am open to relocating now, but I have no personal way to manage it. I have been limited at this store for a while now, so a change of position/duties/title is most welcome. I just can't seem to figure out how to make it happen yet, I guess.
Thank you for the encouragement.
I just have got to learn to cope with the embarrassment/shame/guilt. I think that if I would come out with it that I would cancel out some of these feelings, but I'm just not ready to be that exposed to everyone...  there would be a lot of customers to notice, too.