Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
958560 tn?1248985495

How do i cope with the fear?

Hello there,

   I thought I would reach out to anyone and express how i am feeling.  I am sure I have MS. I have not been officially diagnosed, because i am still waiting for a neurologist.  The last year or so has been difficult.  Weird, "unexplainable" things started happening to my body, stuff i couldn't explain away...trouble swallowing, discomfort and pain in muscles and joints, dor no reason, pain in  my eye, trouble concentrating, remembering...each time something new would come up, I would rush to my doctor in a panic, and explain that although I felt "in my gut"that something was REALLY wrong I couldn't explain what or how all these things(symptoms) were connected...I went to ear nose and throat doctors, gp's, walk in clinics..and of course they all said I was suffering from anxiety and depression(which, truthfully I was, because i felt like no one was putting two and two together), I would leave the doctors offices feeling strange and pushed aside....mind you they were all very nice, but never treated or listened to all my symptoms, just the ones I was feeling at that exact moment, they never sat with me for more than 10 minutes, and I guess that's how it is...I went for all kinds of xrays, and spent weeks in angony over what the results would be...and when nothing would turn up, I was told"see, ?, It's stress!"....The more I complaind about these oddities and symptoms, the less people believed me....even when i said I didn't feel like I was walking right.........A few weeks ago, the eye pain came back, I went to an eye doctor, who listened and told me to see a neurologist.  I have done my homework, and incredibly and not surprisingly...I have found that ALL of my symptoms ( frequent urination, constipation, muscle stiffness, loss of balance, eye pain, etc..etc..)match, or seem to point in that direction.  I have read of course, that MS can mimick other neuro-deseases aswell.....some really bad ones also.....so as it stands, I am not sleeping, well...I am 35 years old, single and recently unemployed.....I just applied to go back to school..but to be honest I am hesitant because i can't seem to remember alot of the time. I am woried that if this is MS, then all the therapies that I need to have..cognitive, physio, medication, will be too expensive.  I want to get married one day, and have someone find me sexy, and beautiful, I want to get married and possibly have children, travel and improve.   I spent alot of time being depressed over a severe heart break years ago..and now i feel as though I am being punished.  I feel like I will let me family down, I don't want my folks to be worried about me, I want to be able to take care of them when they are elderly.  I feellike right now, just moving arond my appatment is hard, it's constricting and I am in a constant state of panic.....my heart keeps breaking and all I want to do is cry...cry because i know something is going on...cry because i feel like I am more alone then ever, and cry because I can't stop thinking that I will loose my friends, that people will look and treat me differently........I would like to mention that I do know that bad things happen to good people all the time, there are people who suffer so much in this world, I certainly don't want to sound selfish, i mean it could always be worse.  I just needed to feel connected to someone who might understand what I am going through.  I wanted to ask...I need to loose a good thirty pounds...I walk all the time and am I weight watchers, my legs have always been super strong..I feel now..that they are always tired, and hurting...with medication, can I still exercise and work out, cardio-wise enough to loose weight..muscle training and all that??  I just want to be able to be that person I know I am inside..I am so affraid of loosing her..that fear is consuming me....I have another question....being single I worry about sex....recently I found it was different, not quite as earth shatteringly blissfull..it was a bit numbing??  I know this must sounds strange, it's my first time writing on this forum......i just don't want to live in fear of the unknown, and I don't want to be sad anymore, cause that's not  who I am....how do you control the fear late at night, when I am alone in my bed?  I know this dramatic...this is new to me.  Thank You for listening.
6 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
921525 tn?1248122687
Fergie, I am so sorry that you must wait so long for a neurologist.  I will be praying for you that the one you see will be a good one, and that you will get the answers you are seeking.

I don't think you should start questioning your dreams and aspirations too quickly.... as Lulu mentioned, many people who are dx'd with MS have very fullfilling lives and do not progress to any extreme amount of disability. If you are diagnosed, the medication will help to prevent it, and may even reduce some of the symptoms you are presently bothered by.

What I found most notable was your fear of losing your friends. My best advice to you here is that if someone abandons you because you suddenly have a diagnosis, they aren't much of a friend.  You have a diagnosis, but you are the same person.  The only difference is having a word to label yourself with. Regardless of what word you changed the label to be, you would still be the same person.

As far as people treating you differently.... they can only treat you differently for your diagnosis, if they know your diagnosis. That is something you may want to pick and choose carefully who to tell. The majority of people who do not have a particular disorder do not understand it in others.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I feel the very same way that you do. I feel as if I could have written the post myself. I wish I knew how to deal with this as well, but I don't. You may hit me up on PM at any time. I will be happy to discuss my ordeal with you.

Take care and know that you are not alone.

Ginak
Helpful - 0
751951 tn?1406632863
Amen to all of the great advice above.

Fergs, I am half again older than you are.  I've been married twice (divorced after 6 years, widowed after 26), but as far as being found sexy by someone, well, I will simply say that my new love and I are very happy with one another.  See my profile page, notably journal entries and photos.

God is good, all the time.  Relations with the opposite sex at any age are more a product of the heart, mind, and soul than of all the rest of our parts put together.  Now, Nancy and I will never have children together, but we already have five between us, and she has several grandchildren, with another past due as I write this.  That doesn't stop us from being attracted to each other at all, trust me.

I'll second Lu's thoughts on the use of paragraph breaks among those of us whose eyes are troubled.

Don't panic until you know what the problem is.  It could literally be any of dozens of things, and could even be the combination of many more.  Only after thorough analysis of testing, symptoms, and history can a qualified professional tell you from where the problem stems.  As I and many other regulars here can testify, that's not even an easy thing for many.

Meanwhile, we're here to help, and this site is loaded with people who care, most of them pretty smart!
Helpful - 0
611606 tn?1315517767
Hi There,
we all face fear for one reason or another, For me I try to live in the moment and not project into the future. None of us know what tomorrow will bring to the table. Today is all any of us really have. Don't throw today away by worrying about what might happen tomorrow.
There are a lot of People in our group looking for answers, but they aren't letting it run their lives day in & day out. When some thing new starts it's wise to get it checked out. Keep a log of what is happening, how long it last..ETC.
Even if you should happen to get a DX of MS, that sure doesn't mean life is over... NOT EVEN CLOSE!!!
So Hang in there, hold on tight to your Faith and Love yourself. Be Thankful for all that you have rather than worry about "what you might lose someday"...
Make TODAY  the Best Day It Can Be...
Sending loving hugs {{{~!~}}} out  to you... ShadowsSister
Helpful - 0
667078 tn?1316000935
Fear is a tough one. Someone told me recently that everything she ever worried about never has come to pass. Other things have. My two years of tests and no diagnosis were scary. The fear was worse than any of reality.

As for fearing you will never find a soul mate. In my own life I have another chronic illness less attractive than MS which I thought no one would marry me with. When I told the guy I was dating what it was he shut up and that was the end of the date. I figured I will never hear from that guy again. I had planned a life of solitude anyway. That guy and I have been married 11 years. Now he has a wife who was just diagnosed with MS.

I have to distract myself when I get fearful or depressed. I have look around and see others around me have there struggles. I try to help someone or thing else.

Today I helped at registration for a charity ride for a cancer my friend's husband died of this year. I was there for her. Yesterday I released a bird trapped in a feeder. Last week I untangled a fawn from a fence when my neighbor called me. I also held a friends hand while her husband had open heart surgery for six hours last week. I untangle the pit bull next door's chain so he can reach his water when his family leaves him for the weekend. I smile at people at strangers and say hello. If they smile back its a kick.

I believe in something higher than myself and  try turn my fear over.

My life has defied all the odds so far and been better than I expected. I keep getting knocked down and I get back up.

Limbo is a roller coaster there is no denying it. One saying I use pain is necessary misery is optional. Yes I am going to get freaked out and feel hopeless and depressed but I can learn to get out of the hole as quickly as possible. Reaching out to the forum is a good thing.

Take care
Alex
Helpful - 0
572651 tn?1530999357
Hi Fergie and welcome to our community here at Medhelp.  I hope you will find some answers with your doctor and here that will quiet your fears.

What you describe certainly could be neurological.  But as you know it could be caused by a number of different things.  You do yourself no good by second guessing until you have some hard facts to work from, including blood tests and MRI's.  

I tried to read your entire post, but unfortuanately it turns into one long blur of words.  The next time you write, if you would kindly break it into shorter paragraphs it will be moremanageable.  Many here have vision problems that make reading something like this impossible.

We have many Canadians here who I am sure will be happy to talk with you about navigating your health system for all the testing and services you need now.  I understand it usually doesn't move fast so you may be waiting a bit longer.

the best thing you can do is arm yourself with knowledge - we have lots of excellent information in our health pages - yellow icon, upper right side of this page.  There is info on mimics, testing, preparing for a neuro visit, and so on.  I hope you will spend some time reading and learning much more about MS.

Having MS is not a death sentence - if it turns out thaat is your problem, we can discuss that further.  But keep that in mind - the majority of people with MS never need a wheelchair, live a full satisfying life, and handle jobs, families and relationships with only a few adjustments.  

i'll look for you around.....

Wishing you well,
Lulu

Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Multiple Sclerosis Community

Top Neurology Answerers
987762 tn?1671273328
Australia
5265383 tn?1669040108
ON
1756321 tn?1547095325
Queensland, Australia
1780921 tn?1499301793
Queen Creek, AZ
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Find out how beta-blocker eye drops show promising results for acute migraine relief.
In this special Missouri Medicine report, doctors examine advances in diagnosis and treatment of this devastating and costly neurodegenerative disease.
Here are 12 simple – and fun! – ways to boost your brainpower.
Discover some of the causes of dizziness and how to treat it.
Discover the common causes of headaches and how to treat headache pain.
Two of the largest studies on Alzheimer’s have yielded new clues about the disease