Hello there,
I thought I would reach out to anyone and express how i am feeling. I am sure I have MS. I have not been officially diagnosed, because i am still waiting for a neurologist. The last year or so has been difficult. Weird, "unexplainable" things started happening to my body, stuff i couldn't explain away...trouble swallowing, discomfort and pain in muscles and joints, dor no reason, pain in my eye, trouble concentrating, remembering...each time something new would come up, I would rush to my doctor in a panic, and explain that although I felt "in my gut"that something was REALLY wrong I couldn't explain what or how all these things(symptoms) were connected...I went to ear nose and throat doctors, gp's, walk in clinics..and of course they all said I was suffering from anxiety and depression(which, truthfully I was, because i felt like no one was putting two and two together), I would leave the doctors offices feeling strange and pushed aside....mind you they were all very nice, but never treated or listened to all my symptoms, just the ones I was feeling at that exact moment, they never sat with me for more than 10 minutes, and I guess that's how it is...I went for all kinds of xrays, and spent weeks in angony over what the results would be...and when nothing would turn up, I was told"see, ?, It's stress!"....The more I complaind about these oddities and symptoms, the less people believed me....even when i said I didn't feel like I was walking right.........A few weeks ago, the eye pain came back, I went to an eye doctor, who listened and told me to see a neurologist. I have done my homework, and incredibly and not surprisingly...I have found that ALL of my symptoms ( frequent urination, constipation, muscle stiffness, loss of balance, eye pain, etc..etc..)match, or seem to point in that direction. I have read of course, that MS can mimick other neuro-deseases aswell.....some really bad ones also.....so as it stands, I am not sleeping, well...I am 35 years old, single and recently unemployed.....I just applied to go back to school..but to be honest I am hesitant because i can't seem to remember alot of the time. I am woried that if this is MS, then all the therapies that I need to have..cognitive, physio, medication, will be too expensive. I want to get married one day, and have someone find me sexy, and beautiful, I want to get married and possibly have children, travel and improve. I spent alot of time being depressed over a severe heart break years ago..and now i feel as though I am being punished. I feel like I will let me family down, I don't want my folks to be worried about me, I want to be able to take care of them when they are elderly. I feellike right now, just moving arond my appatment is hard, it's constricting and I am in a constant state of panic.....my heart keeps breaking and all I want to do is cry...cry because i know something is going on...cry because i feel like I am more alone then ever, and cry because I can't stop thinking that I will loose my friends, that people will look and treat me differently........I would like to mention that I do know that bad things happen to good people all the time, there are people who suffer so much in this world, I certainly don't want to sound selfish, i mean it could always be worse. I just needed to feel connected to someone who might understand what I am going through. I wanted to ask...I need to loose a good thirty pounds...I walk all the time and am I weight watchers, my legs have always been super strong..I feel now..that they are always tired, and hurting...with medication, can I still exercise and work out, cardio-wise enough to loose weight..muscle training and all that?? I just want to be able to be that person I know I am inside..I am so affraid of loosing her..that fear is consuming me....I have another question....being single I worry about sex....recently I found it was different, not quite as earth shatteringly blissfull..it was a bit numbing?? I know this must sounds strange, it's my first time writing on this forum......i just don't want to live in fear of the unknown, and I don't want to be sad anymore, cause that's not who I am....how do you control the fear late at night, when I am alone in my bed? I know this dramatic...this is new to me. Thank You for listening.