Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

I just need to vent

After many years of symptoms in which my doctors simply said I was depressed or just said they did not know what was wrong with me, I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. That was three years ago. After a succesful surgery and than radiation treatments, I have been cancer free ( I am extremely fortunate).  During the times when I was repeatedly told there was nothing wrong with me, I would start to doubt myself. I started thinking things like, maybe I do have a mental problem, and maybe I am a loser.  The way that patients can be "dismissed" because the doctor either does not believe them or think it is all in their heads  "in my opinion" is abusive.  It can lead in itself to mental depression.

I am sure there are situations where people have mental issues that could lead to attention seeking behavior, but it seems to me that would be extremly rare.  Most people know that what is going on inside of their own body is not normal.  Up until my symptoms became so painful I had to take pain medications, my doctor still didn't think there was anything wrong with me except depression.  The lack of diagnosis almost killed me.  I don't want to sound like I am pitying myself because I know that I am one of the luckiest persons alive to have been treated succesfully for a disease like pancreatic cancer.

I have been feeling the same feelings of "self doubt" that I felt so many times in the past and know my family needs for me to return to work.  I can't stand the thought of being labeled a hypochondriac.  I know something is wrong, but am not sure it is MS.  I do know I have many symptoms of that disease.  At times I feel like I could go back to work and than the fatigue and headache returns.  I can't think straight and my memory is terrible.  I keep having to look for words because I can't remember which ones are correct to use.  

I am afraid if I don't return to work I will drag my family down with me. At the same time I just don't know if I can cope at work.  It is making me very depressed.  Is it possible just to forget the whole thing and just return to work and pretend I don't have anything wrong with me. Maybe I could live off of Tylenol and caffiene put on a smile and just pretend.

Thanks for letting me vent
.
4 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
I totally agree with  you and its completely fine for you to vent. No one knows your body like yourself and when you know something is wrong and everyone dismisses it as, anxiety or depression or even "your getting old" I love that one.  I hope you are feeling better, Thank God you are cancer free now, and I wish you the best. Pamela
Helpful - 0
572651 tn?1530999357
Lydia, thanks for sharing your story with us.  Pancreatic cancer is such a beast and virtually unstoppable.  yours if a tale of hope for everyone here.

Don't stop believing in what your body tells you.  and don't be pressured into returning to work if you know you are not ready.  Be your own advocate and keep pushing until you feel comfortable with your situation.

congrats on beating this one -
Lulu
Helpful - 0
1260255 tn?1288654564
First off, congratulations to you for your survival after battling pancreatic cancer. It is one of the most difficult cancers to treat and has such a low survival rate. You are indeed blessed.

I can completely empathize with you in terms of feeling as if docs are not taking you seriously. While no one yet has come to suggest mental issues with me, I sometimes think that may be lurking in the back of their minds.

You come from a position of strength in warding off this kind of suspicion on a docs part, but you have to lay it out on the table for them. You had pancreatic cancer, with sx that lasted for years and were passed off as depression. That is your starting point with a doc; you knew there was something wrong and persisted even though you felt you weren't being taken seriously and it could have killed you. Express gratitude for a diagnosis.

You might then want to go on and say your are having symptoms and know that something is going on with your body. Tell the doc how it is impacting your life, focusing on the things you want to accomplish, but are now difficult. You might also say that you are not one to complain, haven't told others about this or something to that effect so that you are not seen as someone trying to get attention.

It is truly hard dealing with the medical community nowadays. There's so much that they don't know and coordination of care is severely lacking. We waste so much precious time looking for a diagnosis.

Again, I am so amazed to hear your story of beating pancreatic cancer. I imagine that you see an oncologist on a regular basis for follow up...is there any way you can ask him/her for suggestions? Chemo drugs can cause central neurtoxity, memory loss, cognitive problems, etc- see http://www.chemocare.com/managing/central_neurotoxicity_memory_loss.asp for more information. There are neurologists who specialize in oncology and can help to rule out if some of your medical issues are the result of highly toxic chemo drugs.

She's a survivor!

Audrey

I remember

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I think you are a lucky woman with respect to pancreatic cancer.

As far as depression goes there are essentially two types, one is because you react to events going on in your life, the other is due to organic issues in your body. MS is famous for the latter, the process that results in lesions and demylenation [sp] produces depression.

Many of us with MS are depressed, I think I'll be on an anti-depressant for the rest of my life, the one time I stopped taking them, my thoughts were very dark, I restarted the medicine very quickly.

Before you start an anti-d, see a specialist in this area, often a psychiatrist. Don't take one just because a neuro or GP prescribes one, they don't know enough, hand out Rx's like candy at Halloween.
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Multiple Sclerosis Community

Top Neurology Answerers
987762 tn?1671273328
Australia
5265383 tn?1669040108
ON
1756321 tn?1547095325
Queensland, Australia
1780921 tn?1499301793
Queen Creek, AZ
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Find out how beta-blocker eye drops show promising results for acute migraine relief.
In this special Missouri Medicine report, doctors examine advances in diagnosis and treatment of this devastating and costly neurodegenerative disease.
Here are 12 simple – and fun! – ways to boost your brainpower.
Discover some of the causes of dizziness and how to treat it.
Discover the common causes of headaches and how to treat headache pain.
Two of the largest studies on Alzheimer’s have yielded new clues about the disease