Question before a question???

[MostlyShell]

I wonder if everyone here is over 18?  I have a question I would like to ask about sex.  I know, I know.  That is incredibly personal but it is a battle.  But, before I "go there", I'd like to know if there are people here that should be exposed to such a talk.  Not dirty, like the act of.  But, more the personal aspect of it.

Thanks,
MostlyShell

[opie74]

Check out this article.  Sex issues is about half way down

http://msassociation.org/publications/fall08/cover.story.asp

[MostlyShell]

Thank you!  That was so sweet.  It really feels better to know that I am not alone in this.  I will definitely keep trying.  Pretty determined not to let MS rob me of this "pleasure".  Just frustrating....
Thanks also to all of the rest of you who responded...
MostlyShell

[Auspiciousme]

Hello there,
I just wanted to tell you that I know exactly how you feel...& it's so depressing.  After going out with so many frogs, I had met my dream prince charming about 2 years ago and two months after we started dating, I was diaganosed with MS and I had bladder problem and sexual dysfuntion...amoung other things.  I felt awful.  It was so embaressing and I too, felt (and still do) like damaged goods.  My prince charming didn't give up on me and I am now married to him (a year and half now) and we are fine now.  But every morning, I get up with a different symptom (so far, mild) and I feel awful telling him yet another thing is wrong with me today!  He is very very handsome and only 45.  Sometimes, I even tell him that if I get really bad, he could see someone else!!!!  Although the thought of it kills me but I love him so much that I don't want him to miss out in life being with me!  But you know...he laughs at me when I tell him that.  He loves me so much that he seriously doesn't care (at least now!)...It' our own self steem issues that makes us feel this way not the men we are with.  There are many ways to have a great sexual relationship without intercourse (excuse my blutness!)...I think the hardest part is getting in the freaking mood as you said with all that goes on in our MS life.  It's hard to get into it when you aren't in the mood or in pain!  But try!  Even healthy people lose interest if they are not active for a while.  It's like breast milk!  If the baby doesn't drink it, it will stop eventually but if there is baby that wants it, you will keep producing milk!!!  So, even if you have to force yourself, try.  Make time for it.  Do it in the morning when things are not so hectic and you are not tired.  Think about all the things that attracted you to your husband and just try to go back in time and pretend you are just fine and you want it!  Easier said than done but...try.
I am sure he gets frustrated at times but sounds like he loves you and if he sees you trying harder, he will appreciate it.  
Also know that you are not alone.  I am sure many MS patients feel your pain and know exactly what you are talking about.  Best of luck to you..

[biowham]

Hi, Mostly--

I'd suggest that now you've gotten your pre-question out of the way, maybe you'll want to start a new post with your question-question so everyone will see it. Posts tend to drop quickly as others get answered and new ones come on.

I'll hold off on my answer until your question gets the spotlight it deserves.

Bio

[MostlyShell]

Thanks all of you, LOL!   Thanks biowham!  Well, I know all too well about the nerves and loss of feeling at times.  Hence my bladder control.  
I guess what I'm kind of getting at is intimacy issues.  Like, bladder control, for instance.  How unattractive I feel at 34 years old and "foreplay" really doesn't work.  My husband is really supportive and says that he doesn't care about all that.  That I am still attractive and sexy to him.  But, what it boils down to is self-esteem.  Like I feel like I am "damaged goods" and that he's still young and could have better.  Like we used to be.
Sometimes when I know that he has been "without", I feel really guilty and he sometimes gets mad, I can tell.  So, I spend the whole day trying to think about it and keep it on my mind so that I would be "ready" for bed.  But, lately, it's difficult to even have the mindset for it.  To even think about it.  I mean, I talk to him about how difficult it is:  PAIN, children, laundry, cleaning, PAIN, MS, etc. etc.  It's hard to think about sex and about feeling sexy.
But, he really doesn't understand.  He tries to but I don't think that he does.  I think that he feels insulted when I don't respond.  There have been quite a few times when I have done him a "favor" in trade for a back massage, because that felt so much better.  But, I still feel so guilty because I know what he really wanted.
Biowham mentioned something that hit home with me too.  There are times that it is so incredibly intense that I am in alot of pain the next day, but for as long as I go without, it's worth it.  But for the most part, it's a cold bed.
I guess I'm asking how you all approach this in your relationships and how you "keep the flame hot" so to speak.
Thanks for all of your responses, I was so afraid to post, but had to put it out there.  Now, I know I'm at home with this place, :0)
MostlyShell

[alc777]

It's good that you are taking actions on this issue now.  Being head-on helps.  Make sure to do lots of research, because it will serve as a benefit.  I was DX 07 year in November and I'm still not on the proper medication.  My MS has progressed into secondary.  Having, vision, bladder, bowl, personal relations with my spouse. I have a foot drop also. and have some pretty painful moments. When I got sick, it hit me like a rock. and I think its because of my lack of proper medication and not being education.

Please be wiser than me.  Because it come on all at once.  Please keep me update... You might think about adding a tracker to keep up with your changes.  Blessings!

[biowham]

I bet we just answered the question before Mostly ever even got to ask it! ;-)

[Lulu54]

Sexual dysfunction is right up there with bladder and bowel problems -  all those signals connect through the bundle of nerves in your lower back and if those are not transmitting clear signals, your libido, bladder and bowels can all or singularly be affected.  Lack of feeling is not all that uncommon.  There are excellent resource pages about all three on the MS society's homepage.  

[greenandchic]

I dont know much about it either aside from what little I read about sex and MS so far.  For the time being, I dont have any problems sexually, but I would like to be prepared.  

[biowham]

Of course, I mean that there's no guarantee that a minor WON'T read it...

Bio

[doni54]

Hi Shell,

Welcome to the forum, I don't believe I've met you yet.  Believe me, we talk about everything here and nothing is tabu.  We have talked about this subject numerous times, so let's have it, what's happening with you?

doni

[biowham]

People have asked sex questions here before, some pretty directly. There's no guarantee that a minor will read it, but all of the posters here, are, to the best of my knowledge, 18+. Just be...oblique. It is distinctly possible, as opie says, to experience sexual dysfunction as a result of MS, including but not limited to anorgasmia, erectile dysfunction, loss of feeling "down there" in some places, and intensified symptoms following an orgasm. I personally have had the very strange experience of achieving...um as Quix called it, "O" but not actually feeling it. Bizarre and irritating.

Bio

[nncdalton]

Sex and MS needs to be discussed. There are all kinds of issues that affect our bodies and in turn our sex lives, like the constant problem of bladder problems. I'd like to know all I can from the people here. There is alot of wisdom here!

Christy D

[opie74]

MS definately affects sex.  My dr. said that the troubles I had after my first son's birth was not a birth injury as we expected, but MS.  (I am 34)

[greenandchic]

Is this about MS?