Sex

[YayaMommie]

Any advice for ways to increase physical sensitivity toward a more normal sex life?  It's getting harder and harder to achieve orgasm and sometimes impossible.  Very frustrating. I'm having bowel and bladder problems so this makes sense.  I just wonder if there's something I can do.

This damn disease has stolen my cognition, my hearing, my energy, my speech, my piano playing and now this????!!!  Sigh.

[mikeysmom1995]

Well since we are on the subject I might as well put my 2 cents worth in!
In my mind I am very interested and my hubby and I flirt with each other like a couple of school kids.
The problem for me is that I am having so many bowel and bladder issues that there doesn't seem to be a right moment. I just told him that I'm afraid I'm going to pee or poop during and I would be mortified. OMG!
Right now I am in so much pain from constipation and my bladder tends to really leak when this happens so the thought of being intimate is the last thing on my mind.
Such a bummer,such a bummer!!!!
Regards,barb

[Corriel]

I'm in the same boat as immisceo. I have no desire for sex whatsover. I get the occasional urge but that's about it.

I don't think I have any issues with sensation but since I don't do anything about the occasional urge, I can't say for sure. Like you, I have bowel and bladder issues so I probably should at least try to see if there is a problem with sensation. :)

Keep trying different things/tools and I hope it is a temporary situation.

BTW, I think it's awesome and downright inspiring that you still want sex with everything that you have gone through lately.

Corrie

[essdipity]

I would be dubious of the new pill for women. It works in the brain, affecting neurotransmitters, much as antidepressants do. It takes weeks to work, if it's going to work (who knows) and must be taken daily, regardless of circumstances. While on this med, no alcohol is permitted at all. Also, it will not be prescribed for post-menopausal women.

A bunch of good reasons for them to go back to the drawing board, imho.

ess

[HVAC]

I had to go to a vibrator. I stopped being able to have internal orgasm but external. Now that I have cancer it is all gone forever. Now I enjoy cuddling. I never would have believed at 49 I would lose my sex life. I was really sad.

Alex

[immisceo]

I use(d) silicon-based lubricants and have a drawer full of vibrators. Again, for me, it's personally a desire issue. My physiology doesn't seems to have been effected. I just have no interest. I've not even opened that drawer in a couple of years. And I've not been on any concomitant medication in months.

I think I'm going to tackle it laterally - as in improve my diet and overall health and hope that some positive knock-on effects manifest. But I think you've made some great suggestions for those how may be having sensation or lubrications issues! And I will admit to not engaging my imagination nearly often enough.

[slaytheday]

Hello.

  First of all, please indulge me a moment.  Regarding all of the comments so far I think this discussion in the forum is a very good sounding board for all of us.  We're neighbors in medical circles of hell.  We all have more in common than not.

  Now I never thought I'd say this but (and you don't have to answer publicly) have you thought of trying any of the products from adult toys to creams --1 for her, 1 for him, etc.  I hate that commercial w/ apologies and envy to those who haven't see it.  But it's something that might spice things up. I don't know if you or yours would be interested in that sort of thing or not.  Don't forget soft music and imagination.

  I apologize for my inadequate suggestions but it's all I have for now.

Blessings to you and all of us,

  Melinda

[shannon_xray]

Did ya'll see the new Viagra for women?  I'm back on sex, Kyle ;)  Sounds great if it worked on women like it does men.  The draw back is it has anti-depressant type meds and we would have to take it everyday.  That doesn't sound promising to me, especially us MS'ers.  

I definitely am not as interested in sex like I used to be.  I get tired thinking about it.  My body doesn't cooperate with me, neither does my mind.  I get depressed a lot and don't handle stress very well at all.  

I hate this stupid disease too.  My husband and daughter think I am using it as an excuse.  It's maddening.  I wish they knew what this felt like.  I try to get them to read this forum, but I may as well speak to a wall.

Shannon

[kwarendorf]

How did a discussion of sexual response in MS (d)evolve into a discussion of Knowing and Unknowing?

Kyle

[Momto3andNanato2]

Sympathizing with you. Even with a dx of MS the unknown is still scary. you never know how you are going to feel from one day to the next. If God sees fit for me to wake up tomorrow it may be that I feel lousy and I will deal with it, or it may be that I feel good then I will make the most of my day by doing as much as I can as long as the feelings hold out. To those without a dx, I encourage you all to do as much research as possible and ask as many questions as you need to. Knowledge is power. I was one of those that was under a neurologist care that tried to treat me for everything except what it truly was, I felt like his guinea pig because he always prescribed a drug, that most to the time I did not get filled. I knew in my gut that I had MS, thankfully the Neurologist that gave me a second opinion recognized what it was quickly from MRI's and Opthomologist. Unfortunely it had escalated to the point that not just any drugs were going to help, he said we were going straight to the big guns, so we started Tysabri almost 1 year ago. This month is the best I have felt in 5 years. So again I enourage research and questions. Keep pushing until you are rest assured of a dx.This disease can rob us of a lot of things, but it can also bring out inner strengths we didn't know we had to help others.

[YayaMommie]

I'm not trying to downplay anyone's anxiety or frustration.  I just survived a life threatening illness that took 8 specialists and the Mayo clinic to figure out.  I felt like an episode of House MD.  I was the "most interesting patient in 6 months" at the hospital I was placed in.  I spent 3 months on the edge of death not knowing what was wrong. At one point they decided it might be cancer.  After the biopsy came back negative (thank God) they still didn't know what was wrong with me.  I was relieved to know I didn't have cancer even if everything looks like it is cancer.  Same scare with HIV.  

With each thing they ruled out (and believe me there were a lot of them - lupus, RA, sarcoidosis, Lyme, vasculitis, lymphoma, ADEM, meningitis... To name s few) I felt relief, so I apologize for not acknowledging that other people might feel differently and struggle greatly with the unknown.

[Katya4]

Nobody wants MS, or any other disease.
   For some, we want to be certain it ISN'T MS, so we don't fall to the same fate as many others, only discovering the cause after it has reached a point of great irreversible damage. It is wise to be thoroughly checked with the best methods, before crossing any serious illness or disease off the list.
I would recommend anyone to insist on the best testing available, and a second or even 3rd opinion.

I don't believe in letting a disease half destroy a persons life before investigating it thoroughly.

And Aspen is right too, it can be worse to not know, because with no Dx there is no cure or treatment. Especially as peoples sx continue to worsen.

And that is my individual perspective on the matter ;)


Also there come a lot of people with health anxiety to this site, and that is an anxiety disorder, I doubt any of them wish for it either, I think they are legitimately scarred.

[Poppy7402]

I think it can be one of those things that comes and goes, like many other things in the world of MS.  I've had a lack of sensation at some times and then others getting to the point where it gets exciting, then inexplicably nothing happens.  

[aspen2]

No, we don't want ms.  But since we have all the same sx as the rest of you, we DO want answers and a plan of some sort.  May or may not be ms -- I can only hope I end with something treatable ...

Believe me, it's worse having NO reason for lack of feeling (as we are discussing here), weakness, fatigue. gait issues ...

I would be happy to stay in limbo if I was fine :).  I'm pretty sure I speak for most limbo-landers.

[YayaMommie]

Thanks everyone.  It's not meds because I've been on these a long time but the sexual changes are new.  

My husband is very understanding and willing to experiment.  It's just so exhausting and I spend all my time during sex worrying about it when I shouldn't.  Good advice.  

Man this pisses me off beyond what I could ever have imagined.  This is an awful disease!   I hate it.  Never in a million years would I think I'd get MS.  I read so many posts here from people wanting to know if this or that is ms.  Sometimes they are confused but sometimes it looks like they wish they had ms.  I can't imagine.

If any of you are reading this please trust your doctors unless they are really incompetent - if they are certain you don't have ms be thankful instead of worrying that you have it anyway.  

[firerescue9]

I am having the same problems.  We have not found any thing that has helped.  I do not think that any of the meds I am on are the cause.  My Gynecologist says mine is from the MS and my Neuro has ruled out other possible causes also.  It is very upsetting for my husband and we have talked about trying new techniques to see if it helps.  We just have not tried anything new yet.  My husband is very old fashioned and it will take a while to change the way we do things.  It scares me that nothing may work.  If there is no feeling there is no feeling.  (with me anyway that is what seems to be the problem).   Though I do go through periods of time that it seems to be better and some of the feeling comes back.  

My niece also goes through this issue as well.  She also has MS.  She is in the same place that I am right know.  

I do think that Kyle is right though when things seem better is seems like it occurs when I am less stressed and relaxed and just don't thinks about it.

Leanne

[essdipity]

Some meds can do a number on sex drive, particularly certain antidepressants. Before blaming MS, it might be wise to check the side effects profiles of all meds you are taking. Should one of them turn out to be the culprit, your doctor could prescribe a substitute.

ess

[immisceo]

For me, it's not so much about sensation but lack of interest, inclination. That's probably trickier to pin strictly on MS, but I can say our relationship is good, drama-free, loving, respectful. But I basically feel like I've had a sexectomy. Bummer. Even if I have the faintest spark of interest, just the thought of it exhausts me. And the mid-thirties are supposedly the high-point of a woman's sexual interest/prowess? Nope...

But now that you've brought it up, I do realise that my issues have a pretty broad scope I could be more proactive about. I need to commit to this more.

[kwarendorf]

Hi YM -

For me, a big part of my trouble was freaking out about not being able to climax. It seemed like I had no snesation, and no matter what we tried it just wouldn't happen. My GF was very understanding, and patient.

I was able to relax about it finally and things started to improve. It's still not a 100% guranty, but things are MUCH better.

Kyle