ANY CHANCE ?

[spitfire989]

Hi fellow MSer's.---I hope all is well for you.---I know people are busy with and looking forward to Xmas, but I have a question that I'm hoping my friends on here can help me with.---And that is do any of you know about any forum regarding counciling to help deal with the spiral Ms has done to you.----I hate to ask, but feel I need to to help me through the damn spiral/life detroying effect this SATAN called MS has done to my life.---Not only has it destroyed me in so many capacities but it has alienated me from my "so called" family because I am seen as a burden and a screw up because I "got" MS.----I will say this I ENVY those of you on  here that are actually looking forward to Xmas, and being with family.---As I will not/ and do not look forward to xmas--mainly because of the way my "family" is---thre are some on here that have an "small insight" to my family and their totally cold attitude to me and my Satan Ms.---I will be having Xmas with me myself and my animals, as my family has informed me that "Maybe" AFTER xmas they will get "around" to getting me something, but that will "be optional" as  I;ve said, I am seen and told everyday that I am a "let down".---I want to say--I don't expect Xmas to be wonderful and joyous---and expect people to get me "stuff", as that theory has'nt happened in years.---But I will say I have gotten "things" for my family cuz despite the "hell" they put me through, I still care for them.--I was told "save your money, I'm not interested in what you'd get me".---But, this is all SO PAINFUL.---I can't help "caring" for the members of the "family" and can't help but wonder WHY they have to be so mean just because I'm a screw up and got sick.----I wish sometimes (actually alot) that I just got cancer and then succomb to it. Then it's done and over with.---This Satan Ms is gonna be with me for years to come and has caused more pain then anyone can imagine!!!--And because of the way the family sees and treats me, I feel I should look into some form of counciling.---But I will have to do it in "secret" as "IF" it were to be found out that I'm seeing a Councilor, then the remarks and comments would be constant.---I would be seen as an additonal failure and told that "Losers" seek councilors. And that it PROVES I'm a loser cuz I'm seeking help.------So, I'm hoping you guys on here can "direct" me.---I apologize for asking for your help, but the truth of the matter is you guys are my only releif and friends that I can turn to.----I don't mind being by myself for xmas, I don't care about seeing if I'm "worthy" of gifts after Xmas (as my family had told me yesterday),I know I'M NOT a loser and failure (as told all the time), I know I did'nt make myself get Ms, but I do know I would like to have some relief from the shear pain that I am going through or put through.--I should'nt have to be in "secret tears" as I am now, when I type this, but something has to give.----So, again I aoplogize for turning to you guys as I know your all busy getting ready for the holiday, and of course got your own issues, but if any of you have any ideas, please let me know, so  I can "look into it" even if it has to be in secret.----tHANKS.

[meg321]

I am so sorry you are feeling this way, i also posted yesterday about my daughter and got some great advice from our friends on this forum.  I think the holidays are hard for a ot of people but for us it is so much worse.  I know I have not been the person I used to be,  One of my DR.s got on me this week about that very thing..

I could go but I think a therapist is the bst way to go for you.  I have been geting counseling for years and may have to get some more.  I so pray that you get through this Christmas and then start working on this. JUst do the best you can, and stay away from anything that will cause stress for you.  And just go home early if you need to. You are the most important person in your life now, forget the abuse from your family. If you need to talk to someone, make sure you have a phone number so you can check in with them.  

I will keep you in my prayers and hold only good thought for you.

I know what that kind of pain feels like. its the worst kind, so avoid it at all costs.Do you have something to take to calm you down? That might help, even if you have to call your Dr today.

I hope this helps a little, others on here may have some very advice for you.

Hang in there and remember we are here for you.

God Bless you, Sweetie..meg

[doni54]

Hi spitfire,

I'm so sorry you are feeling so down, and pray that things will improve for you.

I agree with everyone here about you getting some help.  It doesn't matter what you're family thinks, even if they find out.  You have to take care of YOU!

It's hard for us to deal with things anyway, without our families not giving any support.  Being undx, I just keep everything to myself around here.  I have all of you to talk to and that has been a life saver for me.

We're here for you, but I do think you need more help than we can give.  You need one on one talking and a therapist can teach you more about how to deal with the issues you are facing.

Please take care of yourself and keep talking to us, because we do understand and we do care about you!!

Hugs,
doni

[Charley123]

I do understand the pain that family members can cause one another first hand.  I used to think that therapy was admitting some huge weakness on my part.  Years ago I began to see someone and my time with this therapist was, to my surprise, one of the best things that I have ever done for myself.  I learned how to deal with a very angry family and not become the 'anger' myself.  Several of my family members also went into counseling and it has helped us all.  I do hope you get some help.  It may not change how your family treats you, but it can help you to deal with them.  Hugs, Charley

[Erin0313]

  I just got to work and logged on (oops that's a secret) and saw your post. I am so sorry for what you are going through.

I used to believe that therapy was for wusses and that idea was given to me by my family. I now see me neuropsych and love it. I call her my shrink (which she is so much more). I think I say that just to let people know that I don't give a darn what they think (of course we can't help but care).

  Having MS is difficult everyday but the holidays are stressful for everyone so multiply that by 10 and that is our stress level.

I do know what it's like to feel like a burden etc. and the pressure we put on ourselves to be less of one - the perfect person. There is no such thing even without a progressive disease!

I am glad that you have found the fantastic family in this forum but I can't urge you enough to find a source of counseling. It is nothing to be ashamed of and I promise that you will feel better about yourself and less hurt/angry with your family. I found out that part of my brain damage has caused me to behave different and misinterpret some of the things that people say. I am still working on it, but just knowing has helped me to deal with my hurt feelings better.

Maybe you could see a religious person (priest etc.). They won't share anything with your family. Also I don't know what your finances are but there are some great books and tapes out there that may be of help.

God bless you and know that even on your worst day when you think that nobody cares or understands - someone does and tomorrow may be a great day.

Hugs,
Erin :)

[spitfire989]

Thank you for getting back to me.---As for getting help through my PCP I "hesitate" because he is a good friend of the family's and I am not 100%sure he would not mention to my family that I am seeking outside help.---I don't want to run that risk.---As for asst through the hospice program/work, yes they offer help, but my insurance will not cover that, I tried.----I know the holidays can and are stressful, but the problem is my issues go beyound the holiday.----I just want to be able to make it as I go through this hell of MS. That's all.---I have learned along time ago to do all you can to be self sufficent, and for the most part I always did.  But, I feel there are times when no matter what ya try ya just need someone to vent to laugh with whatevr.--And that's all I'm looking for and all I've been trying to get.----Well, thanks again for your rsponse.

[Lulu54]

Spitfire,
You are so right that this disease can destroy relationships if they aren't already strong. From what you have written to us, your family is a mess and they unfairly blame their issues on you. It is abusive and you need to put a stop to the abuse.

It seems to me the depth of your despair goes much deeper than those of us here can help with and I can't urge you strongly enough to seek professional help to sort out these feeling. You may not want to embarass your family but how about finding someone who can help you work through what YOU need?  

Patient to patient help is what we do mainly at MedHelp but sometimes the issues are so much bigger than what we can do to help heal those wounds.  And the holiday season is especially treacherous for emotional woes.

Can you talk with your Neuro or PCP about a counselor? Just tell your family it is a doctor appointment - they don't need to know what type of doctor it is.  Do I remember you work in hospice care?  If so, you know they have wonderful counselors through hospice programs.  Perhaps you can find one person through the program who is able to help you discreetly.

Please dry your tears and find someone in your area you can speak with.  The stress is extremely detrimental to MS patients and we need to help you relieve that stress as soon as possible.  

In the meantime, please stay in touch with us here - holidays or not- someone is already around to lend an ear.  

Be kind to yourself,
Lulu