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hand flapping

I have a son that is almost 4 yrs old.  He is very social, articulate, and loves preschool.  He interacts with his friends and adults normally and has a sweet disposition.  Since he was one year old I have been concerned with his "hand flapping."  Although, I call it hand flapping it is more like a palsy movement and stiffening of hands and arms.  He does this when he is excited or tired.  It appears he holds it in during school, but on the drive home I will see him flapping as if he has built up all this excitement and needs to get it out.  When my husband takes him fishing it is out of control or we go to an aquarium and see the fish in the tanks he starts flapping.  Sometimes while watching a movie he will start flapping when an excited part happens....cars racing quickly etc.  My pediatrician keeps telling me he will outgrow it.  By age 3 he was still doing it so we decided to take him to a pediatric neurologist and was told it is something he will outgrow by around age 5 and to allow him to do it at home, but try to keep it under control in public and school.   He seems to be getting worse, will do this on a daily basis, but again only if excited or exhausted.  We plan to take him back to the pediatric neurologist in a few months when he turns 4.  There is absolutely know other signs of anything wrong besides the flapping.  We feel very blessed to have a healthy, bright boy, but am concerned because it is not getting better as he grow older.  I have seen other postings from a few other mothers that have the same concerns and was hoping there was some feedback from some of you, particularly shelbydog.  Shelbydog had a posting about a year ago regarding her son's similar behavior.  Everything you described regarding your son sounded just like my son.  Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.  
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I HAVE THIS, CONTINUED
I have done more research in the course of this night and have come to the conclusion that the condition is Stereotypic movement disorder. go to this link, its what made me convinced.
"http://www3.interscience.wiley.com/journal/123301771/abstract"
And now I am going to continue this post as a means of self expression on the topic and as a journal entry.
My friends and family are the only ones that know I do this. I have done it all my life, and even though I never do it when I think anyone is around, I vocalize the sound effects of my imagination while im doing it; i.e. ill make drum sounds when i have music in my head and I start this state. This is the most embarrassing part of it, and what always gets me caught. My parents will hear from the other room, or ill do it when my friends are turned away and they'll hear and turn around and see me. Its embarrassing, but none of my friends have ever seen it as a negative trait, just funny or weird, so it has not made me depressed. However I have never done it at school, and i do it in public very rarely and only when i think no one could see me. I went to europe with my friend michelle last year and she never saw me doing it, however she claims to have heard it a few times. Her reaction I think is more interesting. Firstly, she is a female, and to my knowledge the only female other than my mom and sister who knows about it. Also, out of everyone, her initial reaction was the most negative, she actually told me that she wished i didnt do it because it made her feel uncomfortable. we are very close, and it makes her feel uneasy and more distant from me. I didnt like her response, but after explaining it seriously one evening, i got her to understand that she was being very insensitive, now im not exactly sure what she secretly thinks about it in her mind (females..) however the incidences of my doing around her even though we hang out for extended periods of time have always been very very low, and i am always much more cautious, and am able and motivated to keep it from her without detriment to my state of mind and without feeling a continually building urge throughout the day.

TO ANONYMS'S POST:
I read about your son and i feel sympathy for him, but also hope. If indeed what he has is stereotypic movement disorder, I think there are things that I might try suggesting based on my own experience. Tell him that most people with this in fact do not report it as bothering behavior, but as something that feels good and that they just do. I am self conscious about it, i never intend to do it around others and certainly never imitate it to satisfy their curiosity. However all of my friends throughout my later teens have accepted it as a part of my personality. 90% of the time they have seen it as not something to be made fun of, even though they may laugh hysterically when they see me do it for the first time. My best friend has tried researching it on his own and he gained respect for it upon realizing it was a legitimate and fairly common, behavioral disorder, while never thinking too much about it because most of the time it is no big deal. I would consider anyone who finds it to be a fault in my personality, or something to tease me about, (beyond first learning about it), an immature child, and below me in terms of decency and personal quality. I have been successful despite all of it. Good luck to you and all other parents and kids out there who relate.
Robbie-
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Avatar universal
I am 19 years old and this has been happening to me since I was a small child. It started with hand flapping and gradually turned into shaking whenever I’m exited. I don’t even notice when it’s happening. I used to be sent home from school because teachers thought I was seizing. However, now that I am older I learned how to control it in public. It hasn’t affected my social or really any part of my life except for some teasing was I was younger! Hope that gives you some reassurance!
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Wow my 7 year old has always hand flapped and makes the O face and rapidly moves his fingers together. He only does it when he watches tv or race cars or anything really exciting. I have worries about it. My 9 year old squeezes her eyes really tight and shakes and I have my whole life too. My pedi says it is no issue but I really have a hard time trusting docs.
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I do this especially when daydreaming and even more so when I listen to music.  When I was younger I would listen to music and run around while tensing up my facial features quite involuntarily and the hand flapping where they would smacj each other from the flailing.  I don't do it as much.  I try to tone it down. I remember when I used to press my hands to my face and tense my face.  I really hate that I still do it.  This makes me feel a bit better because I don't know anybody else who does it.  I don't even know why I do it.  Now I justhink lay on bed and listen to music day dream and hand flap and my legs just do it too.  My parents never seem bothered by it.  I think they thought it was a little odd but eventually excepted it as an ritual for body tension of stress and excitement.  I am still coming to terms with it.  I dope to strive better.
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Avatar universal
My son is 16 . He is very good student . One thing is worrying me when he is alone starts flapping hand and make hish hush noise by himself. We try to remind him in caring way not to repeat this. Apart from this he is quite normal boy. I would appreciate any information suggestion as parents what can we do. Tapas
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Hi, Im a 15 year old girl, and I also hand flap. Im really intelligent (an honour roll student in fact) and I have no other signs of anything being wrong with me. All I can tell you is that is it something that Ive done since I was a baby, but before I would make an O face and flap a lot. Ive learned to control it and I can now easily fight the impulse to do it in public. I only do it when Im excited, and its hard to explain but it just feels good. Telling your son to stop it is probably not going to do anything, he may be able to learn to control it to an extent but its just an impulse. What I do is just tap my fingers together instead, so it isnt very visible but it provides the same stimulation. I wouldnt worry too much if I were you, it hasnt impaired me in any way, and I dont think it will for your son either. In the same way some people cant help but laugh at a joke, or some people cant help but tap their feet when they are anxious, its a part of us, something we just learn to accept. I hope Ive helped you understand a bit better :)
Hi, Im a 15 year old girl, and I also hand flap. Im really intelligent (an honour roll student in fact) and I have no other signs of anything being wrong with me. All I can tell you is that is it something that Ive done since I was a baby, but before I would make an O face and flap a lot. Ive learned to control it and I can now easily fight the impulse to do it in public. I only do it when Im excited, and its hard to explain but it just feels good. Telling your son to stop it is probably not going to do anything, he may be able to learn to control it to an extent but its just an impulse. What I do is just tap my fingers together instead, so it isnt very visible but it provides the same stimulation. I wouldnt worry too much if I were you, it hasnt impaired me in any way, and I dont think it will for your son either. In the same way some people cant help but laugh at a joke, or some people cant help but tap their feet when they are anxious, its a part of us, something we just learn to accept. I hope Ive helped you understand a bit better :)
Avatar universal
Both my children do the same habit of flapping their arms when they are excited. I don't worry because my husband does it, my husband's sister and brother do it, his uncle does it and I think another relative. It's crazy,  but it's inherited apparently. Everyone is fine. My husband and his siblings have good careers. I just tell my son to not do it in public because kids will point him out. It only happens when they are excited. And now my infant is already starting with the arm flapping lol. Don't stress!
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I'm  13 and I have been flapping like that since birth. People tell me I should stop doing it because it makes me look autistic but I really cant help it. I only do it when Im excited or hyper. It doesn't really bother me but people often give me weird looks.
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I am a 20 year old girl. I started making a twisty facial expression while moving my arms when i was 6 months old, for a year my mom thought it was cute. eventually Drs said i would grow out of it when i got to be a teenager or it would get better. Whenever I am excited or most especially if i am daydreaming about an outcome I flap my hands like a bird.  My stepdad always would say are you trying to fly away? He was pretty harsh on me. When i was in grade school it was the worst because kids did make fun of me a bit. I got older and I could control the hand flapping a little bit better in highschool but the funny face not as easily. I am now married and out of school but I think it will be something I just have my whole life
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Avatar universal
Finding this discussion has been a bit of a revelation since I've never seen this behavior outside of my own family.  Thank you for everyone who's posting here.

I have engaged in various versions of this behavior since before I can remember.  When I was a kid my primary movement was to flap my hands while jumping and making a sort of intense "O" face with my mouth.  I did this pretty much every time I got excited or happy.  My mind would start racing and I would just get lost in my thoughts and daydreams.  Doing this meant I was happy and excited and I really enjoyed doing it.  It was a release.  

Unfortunately it made me a giant target in school.  I was a goofy kid and this behavior didn't help.  I was teased relentlessly.  This was back in the 80s so schools didn't care about bullying and it just became a living hell.  I knew my hand flapping was contributing so when I'd feel the need to do it I'd grab the seat of my desk or one of the metal legs and squeeze it hard, gluing my hand to the spot.  This cut down the flapping considerably but it lead to the behavior that I'd have for the rest of my life: I make fists while clenching my jaw and (sometimes) pacing.  Sadly I was already the least popular kid in school so being bullied wouldn't go away, it stayed with me 'till the end and my perception of myself was forever altered by it.

All of that sounds terrible but the good news is that as an adult I no longer see these behaviors as a problem, I just didn't know anyone else did them.  I'm a filmmaker and TV producer and this hyperactive imagination thing serves me well.  If people catch me doing it I explain that I call it "hyper thought" and that it's "just my super charged version of daydreaming."  As for being weird, well, it is still weird but I'm an eccentric adult, I sort of revel in my weird little quirks now, and so I don't really care what other people think.

I do want to add a curve ball though.  In all the reading I've done on Stereotypic Movement Disorder tonight, I've noticed it is very much associated with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and I do have that.  These movements and OCD both run in my family.  This may mean that my experience is different from many of you as anxiety is a huge part of my life.  I don't know.

Anyway, thank you all for sharing here.  Like I said, learning that other people do this too is huge for me.  I wish I could go back and tell that little kid that other people do it too.  I think I would have liked knowing that.
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Avatar universal
I'm 30 and I do this. Typically while daydreaming or "letting my mind wander". I won't realize I'm doing it and then I'll notice and stop myself.
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I am 18 years old and I have flapped for as long as i can remember. My parents never really thought anything of it but would occasionally tell me to stop flapping throughout my childhood. I assumed that I would grow out of flapping at some point and now 18 and at university I almost forget that I ever do it. The one time I can't control it is when i am revising or doing university work on my own. This is now pretty much the only time i do it but i find it very difficult to revise or do work without doing it. In fact i simply don't realise I'm doing it whilst working until I think about someone else seeing me. I found it very interesting to see that other people feel the same and feel as if they cannot be creative without doing it. I feel restricted if i revise or do work whilst trying to not flap as this simply distracts me from my work. My brother does something similar but always had a stick in his hands when he was flapping, now 21 and at university as well he now has to hold a pen whilst revising and still flaps with it. Me and my brother are middle children and our older sister and younger brother do not flap. I honestly have no idea why I have always felt the need to do this and never really considered that so many others would do the same.

I guess not everyone does grow out of it as me and my brother still haven't but really the only 'issue' with it is it is embarrassing if others catch you doing it, as you get older you automatically learn to control it in certain situations and now the only time i really do it is when I'm revising and i don't think any of my friends are aware that i do it at all. So i wouldn't worry about your children even if they don't grow out of it, if anything it would have really benefited me if i had known so many other people did it too. Let your children know that its not 'weird' and maybe then it won't be such a big issue and easier to stop.
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1 Comments
This is exactly how I feel and what I've explained! Thank you for your input :)
Avatar universal
Robbie, I read more on that disorder that you labelled it as. I don't know that that is the right diagnostic.. it wasn't associated with excitement. It was associated with stress or negative feelings and with a disorder. It really is just an outward expression of excitement isn't it?
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Thank you Robbie!!! This has helped me so much in understanding my husbands behaviours! I always find peoples quicks (I'm an observer), its actually cute because my husband is sometimes keeps thoughts to himself or is thinking over something, but I can visually see when he appreciates it. He does it around me so much (and never around anyone else) that it makes me feel really good that he is comfortable with me - he is comfortable to act naturally around me as most people do when no one is around.
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Hello dear, i feel for you deeply, my son has the same condition but he's almost 4 now, other children imitate him, i know that at some point he will be teased about it, but what can we do? is there some kind of medication that they should be taking?  should we be motivating them verbally to stop it and remind them every time they do that? where can we find a professional who can help with this? is it a psychiatrist? a neurologist?

I really have no clue as to what i'm supposed to do, i feel helpless, and very very frustrated being unable to do anything for my son. There must be something that should be done, but there's no one to guide me.

Could anyone help me out and this poor little 10 year old boy, who should be enjoying his life and thinking about his future instead of thinking about ending his life??
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Avatar universal
Hello, seems that my son has  sterotypical movement disorder too, could you plz tell me what the occupational therapy/sensory integration means?  
where do we do that? at a neurologist's?
and how's your son proceeding

Good luck :)
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Avatar universal
http://media.wix.com/ugd/fd5a88_9056e4cd9bc145f9bdb884873002fefd.pdf

Please read as it may offer further insights about how retained primitive reflexes affects our behavior as we grow.

My 10 yr old daughter retained all her primitive reflexes, was a breech baby, didn't crawl, was a late walker, has low muscle tone, and continues to flap her hands in excitement to this day.  Our chiropractor/applied kinesiologist worked on her reflexes 5 years ago and it did lessen the intensity of the flapping.  I am certain that the hand flapping behaviour is related to retained primitive reflexes.
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Hello. My daughter is now 19 and has done this all of her life and still does, flapping her hand excessively when happy or excited as well as kind of a jaw dropping face.  I blamed this on my mother for years as I caught her doing it with her one day long long ago when she used to babysit her.  I wondered why my daughter was doing this odd behavior, albeit harmless as it is, and when I saw that, I was so angry with my mother for encouraging her to make a spectacle of herself.  (My mother is a life long functioning alcoholic. Please reserve any comments about her babysitting. I grew up with my mother that way and didn't know any different being forced to accept an alcoholic parent in denial, you are told there is no "problem" and everyone else (me) has the problem. This was normal and the way life was to me until I was about 30 yo).  
Finding these posts is a bit comforting that my girl is not alone.  There has never been a diagnosis for us, but it has also never been brought up because she has had many other medical issues that superseded it.  My daughter has cerebral palsy (open lipped unilateral schizencephaly).  She's never been tested for any mental disorders either like autism.  She is more or less living a normal life, still at home with me, functions daily independently except financially due to her limited physical ability.  I wanted to write something here to let others know you are not alone.  And to not always listen to Doctors about the "they will grow out of it" notion.  The dr's said that about my daughter & her first couple of years in this world until I finally had a cat scan done of my own volition and we discovered her brain anomaly.
This does seem to be harmless behavior.  Still a bit bewildering to me.  I never ask her about why she does it as it's quite apparent why when it happens only when she is happy or excited.  She can still be quite immature, but I blame that entirely on myself having sheltered her a bit more than I thought I was doing.  Reading the above story from the guy who is 19 and described why he does this and still does has reassured me that it is just an idiom that some people have and makes them unique.  
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Hi, my son is almost 4 and he flaps and he looks like he is zoned out too.  I am wondering the same question.  Are others showing this symptom?  Thanks.
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My daughter is 2years old and when she gets excited she sits down with her legs in a bit and flaps her arms against her body (not hard). She has been in physical therapy for low muscle tone because I noticed she was a "clumsy" walker but quickly has learned to balance and walk great! Socially, she loves children, she loves to play with her toys and be imaginative, her verbal communication is amazing and a joy to be around! When she does the flapping, if I call her name she stops and laughs and so I have been playing with her constantly to change this behavior if at all possible! As a parent, I want to do all that I can if I can help this behavior while her brain is still developing. My pediatrician says he sees kids her age flap all the time. For the older kids who have commented on these posts, please know that I am so happy for you and I mean this post in no way to take offense.
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Thank you all so much for your posts. My daughter is 5 1/2 and her arm flapping has evolved into hand clapping and making a rather loud siren like sound. Hearing from people who have one of these habits is so helpful b/c when I watch her it looks like she is just so overcome with enthusiasm and excitement that she can't hold back. I have always thought that I don't care that she claps, but her teacher recently approached me b/c she gets very loud quite often in class. We are going to have a social worker help us in collaboration with my daughter come up with other things she can do in the classroom rather than clap. So, for those of you that do arm flap, or body rock - have you found other behaviors that are just as satisfying, but less noticeable? Also, I am fine with letting her do this at home, but work on it at school - but does this work - is this a behavior we need to address all the time or just in situations where it is not appropriate?
thank you again for these posts - so helpful
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Avatar universal
HEy everyone. Glad I jumped on this. I have had the same thing with me since I was little. I am 21 now. I flap my hands in my face when I get excited about something. Like they said above, it's an explosion of joyous energy. It's just our own way of conveying the energy outwards. I used to have it alot but I have learned to taper off since I was about 17. I now clench my teeth and make a fist. I never have the urge to do it in public. Only when I am alone. I don't think it is Tourette's or anything like that, due to the fact that we can make it go away at will and alot of times it will dissapear for some time when we make it. It has not affected my social life at all. Nobody knows I do it. My mom caught me a few times when I was younger and that encouraged me to try to adjust my brain to expel the joy in other ways.
But overall, there is nothing wrong with doing it. Just let your kids know that they aren't strange or anything like that. It doesn't get worse than it is really.
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p.s.   Thank you to handyRobbie, another_one, mjlovesparker, Just_Like_You and others who are more or less grown-ups who have shared their life experiences with this. It is refreshing and very helpful to know that you are all socially adjusted, intelligent people with bright futures and good friends. I have a kind of weird question though. . . . when my son was a baby, many many people who met him in his first few months commented about how they thought he was an "Indigo Baby", as in a soul who has "been here before". I don't mean to offend anyone on their beliefs, I am just curious if any of you feel the same about yourselves or if anyone has told you similar thoughts?? I'm just wondering if there is some "other" connection here . . .
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I am so grateful I found this forum! My son is 3 1/2 and has been hopping, arm flapping, grinding his teeth and sometimes humming at the same time for a little over a year. My husband and mother-in-law have assumed that he is autistic and I have been stubborn in fighting them on this topic. My son is NOT autistic and his pediatrician agrees. However, his "condition" (assumably SMD) has been obvious and I have been desperately searching for answers. Pretty much all of the above postings have been identical to my son's situation. Actually. . . now that I am learning about this, I believe that I share the same condition, on maybe a much milder note. Since I can remember, I have had a "habit" of slightly sticking out my tongue, which would "vibrate" on it's own, and rubbing or "caressing" my arm hair with the palm of my hand. Throughout elementary school I curbed the tongue part, and through middle school I was able to stop rubbing my arms in public, although sometimes I do it just a little when I'm nervous or zoning out. And to be honest, I don't WANT to stop! It feels good and must release some sort of dopamine in the brain because it is a soothing and relieving sensation. However my I'm concerned about my son's symptoms impeding with his peers and how they will respond to him when he starts school. Are any of your parents successful in curbing these actions while in public? Are there any exercises to help them control this? I know school can be an exciting and stressful environment and I'm worried that this will make it virtually impossible to curb while he is there. I don't want people to make fun of him and I don't want to medicate him. Should I let him "let it all out" while at home and work on curbing it in public, or should I try to get him to control it all the time? I would love some advice, I have spent a lot of time crying about this and feeling very lost and alone as to what to do. Again, I am happy that I found this forum with other parents or people with similar experiences.
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Avatar universal
I 'm so glad that I found this forum. My son 6 yr olds twists his hands and runs , make strange noises when he is excited. He does this since he was a baby. It's a huge problem because in the school, he can not stop it and the schools cannot handle it. He is very smart boy and he can control himself when he wants to but he loves doing it and he could not let it go. I 'm so helpless and depressed because nobody can help us. Do you think sports can help us? We will start Occupational Therapy , we have done sensory integration etc.. If you have any suggestion , I will really appreciate that.
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