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Am I being irrational?

For over 15 years I have been OCD and it developed strongly into a severe obsession with fear of HIV. I do not like the color red because I associate it with blood, I fear people would leave needles places in order to infect me on purpose, I have a hard time in public places and I even get nervous getting my blood drawn at doctor's offices because I fear they would use a dirty needle to infect me. Most recently I fear that someone threw a hypodermic needle in my yard because they were upset with me since a few months ago the kids next door had a party and the music was loud late at night and I called the cops on them to quiet down. Now here is what happened my husband was trimming trees and bushes in our yard and he was cleaning up the branches and bushes he trimmed off the ground and he said while he was picking up this stuff ( he was not wearing garden gloves) he said something poked his finger. He said it was a sharp branch maybe a thorn or something that sort of felt like a sting or poke but immediately looked at his finger and saw no blood then he looked at what may have done this to his finger and he said he saw nothing but what he was picking up ( branches and stuff) I immediately thought omg what if the kids next door were partying with friends and were using needles and threw used needles into my yard with the intent to have us get poked by them. My husband thinks I'm being completely irrational and said that he would have seen a needle and it was not a needle and I am so worried. I asked my mom and some friends and they said they would not have thought like me and would not have automatically thought needle and that I'm just thinking that way because I am so afraid of needles and HIV. They said it is definitely me being irrational. I need another person's advice and I need the truth as to whether this sounds irrational or if I should be concerned about HIV. I know it didnt poke me but since it was my husband we have sex and I'm worried now I have HIV from this incident. Please help me and let me know what you think and if this is just my anxiety? Also I recently posted this on a HIV helpline where u ask questions and the volunteer responded and marked my question as HIGH RISK category and basically said that being poked by a needle is high risk and the situation I described that I should get testing or PEP and now I'm freaked out because deep down I know I'm being ridiculous. I literally have woods all around my house and my husband said over and over again he did not see a needle and that it had to be a sharp branch he cut or thorn or anything could have been a bee sting he said he did not think needle and that I'm being ridiculous! I'm wondering why would the aids helpline volunteer put my question in a high risk category and basically tell me I should be concerned and get testing. I know I was looking for reassurance and that is not what that helpline is for but in the past, I've asked other questions that my OCD has caused me to be anxious about in regards to possible HIV and the responses were always " we cannot give possible what of answers and that I sound like my anxiety is getting the best of me and my questions were always in the no risk category". Maybe they just answered this question because they basically were saying yes a needle stick is a high risk and completely avoided the part where I was being irrational. I mentioned I have severe HIV phobia so why would they tell me I should be worried. I never said there was a needle I asked if they thought it could have been one. Again I was looking for reassurance and instead got that it was high risk. Please answer my question and tell me what your thoughts are. Please know that this is something that is always on my mind. I constantly walk looking at the ground wherever I go because I'm afraid of needles and like my husband said why would the neighbors just throw a needle in our yard with Hope's that we may get poked and we have no reason to think these kids shoot up with needles they are just kids hanging out in the yard with friends most likely if anything drinking but my mind automatically things needles and HIV and that they want to get us back for calling the cops on them months ago. Please HELP ME AND TELL ME IF THIS STORY SOUNDS IRRATIONAL should I be worried? Why would the HIV helpline answer my question as. High risk question and tell me to get tested basically I should be concerned. Because of this phobia I have in the past probably had like 10 HIV tests for different scenarios and now I feel like this is an actual real risk. Please let me know what you think I cannot stop thinking about this and have no one to talk to about it!!!
2 Responses
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20620809 tn?1504362969
The ONLY ways that adults get HIV is from unprotected vaginal or anal sex or sharing IV drug needles (when using them).  Needle pokes are NOT a risk for HIV because air inactivates the virus.  the end of the needle would be exposed to air.  It is the plunger portion of the needle that would be the concern and just sticking yourself with a used needled (not drawing up and shooting it into you) is NOT a risk.  AND, your scenario is one hundred percent irrational.  ONE hundred percent.  Really think someone would intentionally throw needles in your yard to spite you?  And they'd have needles used by HIV positive people?  No, one hundred percent irrational.  

I would suggest you aggressively treat your ocd.  Medication is going to be essential here and therapy with a psychologist.  You are going to ruin relationships with your loved ones if you leave this untreated.  Your husband can't even do yard work without a freak out on your part.  Get some help, truly.  
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4 Comments
Thanks for the response. I still keep wondering why the aids Vancouver helpline responded to my question as a concern and high risk
I think you misunderstood.  Anyone educated at all on hiv would tell you that this is not high risk.   They also may have misunderstood you.  I think your anxiety clouds your mind on this subject and hope that you begin working directly with a psychiatrist that specializes in anxiety disorders.  
You're right. Anxiety does cloud my mind. It's really terrible
Their answer to me really stressed me out. While you and some friends I asked told me I am being irrational. I mean it does sound irrational but that awful feeling of it actually feeling like it happened because he did get poked makes me scared and not knowing what poked him bothers me.
973741 tn?1342342773
I agree.  This sounds like an issue of the mind here and not a realistic scenario.  I am sorry you are so plagued by health anxiety and concerns like this.  Not wearing red because it reminds you of blood is a lot.  And I'm sure this is hard to deal with and hard for those who live with you and know you to deal with.  Is seeing a psychiatrist to work on anxiety something you are willing to do?
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Hi yes it is something I have tried in the past but never worked. It is definitely exhausting though
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