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Avatar universal

Behavior.

Hi, I am new to all of this. I've been told by family and friends I should seek help for certain...behavioral traits I seem to possess, and I am honestly hesitant to go to the doctor for these things because to me I don't really see them as much of a problem. My entire life I have consistently rocked back and forth, bounced my head, and so on. I have been told that other parts of my behavior might have a lot to do with this and perhaps there is something going on with me I do not know. Other behaviors I tend to have consist of the fact that I don't like to be touched or touch others, I am  exceedingly anti-social in person. I don't like having conversations with anyone in person or on the phone. Online is okay. If someone touches me, I get very upset. I'm not afraid of germs or anything, that's never really been an issue. Something about people touching me, especially my hair, or my face, just anger me so much and I get uncomfortable fast when it happens so I tend to avoid it at all costs. I don't like being in public or going out whatsoever to the point where I have probably been outside a small handful of times in the past six or so years. Loud noises enrage me to the point where I have actually lashed out embarassingly at anyone or thing that is nearby and I don't even really realize I am reacting this way until whatever the noise is (mainly vacuum cleaners, fire truck sirens, yelling/screaming, etc.) I've always had some learning issues and trouble keeping info in my mind for certain things (not everything.)  Sometimes it takes someone telling me something eight or nine times in a day before I understand it and sometimes...and I really hate to say this because it really is embarassing...it's the most simple of things. I am nearly thirty and still haven't figured out how to do laundry, for example. I am left feeling very stupid most days, especially if forced to be around people, in particular people who don't know me or haven't been around me for long enough to already know what to avoid when interacting with me. I have been this way most of my life, and some of these things I have done since I could humanly do so as an infant. The main thing people say is I might be ocd, and if this is the case, what do I do about it? I count things constantly, patterns can make or break my day (sometimes year) and colors cause such problems with me that I tend to only wear black because most black matches and I don't have to sit there all day staring at slightly mismatched colors which drives me absolutely batshit. Not going to lie. There are so many things that I thought were normal and everyone had or did, but now I am finding out I seem to be a minority. I knew not many rocked/head bounced like I did (so far I'm the only one I have ever known to in real life though I have seen on here a lot of people have that habit) and often warrants stares or comments from people when I'm in public. A few times I have even had people become actually angry with me. It hurts me and it embarasses me and I don't know how to stop. I don't know how to stop any of this. Whatsoever. If anyone knows if this is ocd and how to manage it, please let me know, or if this is something else entirely and I should go get checked out, I would like to know. I am still avoiding leaving my house, so it makes going to the doctor nearly impossible so if anyone has any thoughts on the matter, or even answers, please respond. Here or inbox...I don't care. I just need to know if I am standing alone in all of this and if not what I can possibly do to stop or if there are ways to live with it easier. This is costing me relationships, work, and so much that I am just losing it trying to understand. Thank you for any help any of you can give.
3 Responses
1699033 tn?1514113133
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there...so the first thing I read is this

"I am honestly hesitant to go to the doctor for these things because to me I don't really see them as much of a problem"

I can promise you that this is not normal behavior.  You staying in your house because of all those issues you brought up is not normal behavior.  There is a whole world out there that you are missing out on because you have not sought treatment.  Plenty of people have OCD and probably have had your exact problems but they can be overcome with the right help.  BUT you have to want to help yourself.  You need to take that first step.  You need to find a good psychologist that teaches cognitive behvioral therapy and get yourself there any way you can.  
Avatar universal
You're probably right. It's just difficult breaking that comfort barrier that I already know so well. It's been years, and getting out and trying to change what I don't know if I want changed is really hard. But you're right, it's probably not healthy, and I really should want to get better even if the life I have serves me fine enough. I'm married and it doesn't serve my husband well. I don't want to lose him so I should probably do whatever I can to better myself, if not for my sake then his.
1699033 tn?1514113133
COMMUNITY LEADER
Once you get back out into society, I think you will realize that the life you have led, the one you feel content with, really wasn't living at all.  But you can't get to that stage without trying so yes, do it for your family, but more importantly do it for yourself.  
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