Can ocd feel real :(

[Sweetheartgirl]

I've been doing cbt for the month and I'm on medication, I am a little bit better but I keep doubting my sexuality:( so that must mean I really am bi ?? My therapist tells me that I'm straight, we've done sexuality tests and they came out straight. I don't believe my therapist tho or the tests, today in my dream I felt tempted to do things with girls.That must mean something right ?? I feel like I will never enjoy sex with a man anymore, I will must have it with a woman to feel joy:( but I don't want that to happen I don't wanna do anything with a woman, but what if I'm just repressing myself. Sometimes I test myself with sexual images and it feels like I could enjoy these things, I freak out I feel down and really scared. But if I really do have hocd about being bi why does it feel so real why does it feel like I will enjoy it more? I never before felt sexually attracted to a woman never. Never thoughts of them in a sexual way but now I'm convinced that I am sexually Attracted to them, because I know I'm not attracted to them in any other way, as I'm around girls a lot, never had a crush on a girl never wanted to experiment, always felt weird watching gay scenes in tv. I have always loved men ever since I can remember, I am really girly and being with a woman doesn't satisfy me, it depresses me. But then again I feel like I'm repressing myself. I've read a lot when people said thAt they had hocd and found out that they really are bi! I had hocd get of being a lesbian for 3 months now I fear being bi:( it just must be true. I feel like I don't know what sexual oriantation is, what should turn women on in a guy. What the point in sex. Sometimes I just wish I didn't have genitals so I wouldn't have to have sex with women, because I know I will never wanna be with them romantically but what if I do sexually but I just never found out, it doesn't repulse me anymore, I do hate have these thoughts and dreams, I know for a fact that I do, but what if I was bi all along? And I'm just in denial or repressing myself, because I don't care what other people will think of me, I just wanna be with my boyfriend and enjoy him like I did before, but now it seems impossible. I don't wanna think of girls like that anymore :,( I can't even hang around with girls because I feel like I might have an urge to do something, or if a girl will ask me if I wanna have sex with me I will do it, I know that's really unlikely to happen but it could happen and I don't wanna do anything, but it feels like I could:( if this is ocd why does it feel like I could enjoy doing these things, I iust don't get it. When I have sex with my boyfriend, I have these thoughts ( what would it feel like if that was a girl?) I don't even wanna wonder I don't want to think like that:( whenever I do have these thoughts during sex I don't feel like have it anymore. Ever since hocd started I haven't been feeling like having sex much, and my mind keeps telling me it's because I want it with a girl and I will only enjoy it with a girl :( I hate it so much. I rember when I used to think why would a girl wanna be with another girl, we have the same things how can u enjoy having sex with a woman??? Now I don't understand how a woman would wanna have sex with a man its really hard and reply depressing because I look back in my past and I wanna go back in time I feel so sad that I don't feel like I did before anymore, and I feel jealous of my friends now because they're straight and it sometimes it feels like I'm not anymore.:(((