Went back to the pdoc and he upped the Abilify a little. Still doing erp, still 'believing' the thoughts. Have you had a thought that was around constantly for a really long time? This has been almost 10 months I think :/
Now you are talking! Good job!
The backdoor spike got to me but im determined to just let the thought be there and try to stand the fear, this will be tough, but maybe by not caring if I believe it or not it will help.
Hopefully the thought will become very rare. Its still always there, but I guess it takes time for the doubt to go after the actual fear does? Im hoping one day ill just realize life has went back to normal, and wonder why I ever thought this could be true.
We will always think stupid thoughts but the key is to let them go. Even "normal" people think thoughts like this but they just don't dwell on them. The medication evens out our brain chemistry and so when we think the thought we are able to let it go rather than obsess over it. I promise you, it will get better and better for you. I'm glad that you are seeing an improvement.
I can tell this med is helping me a lot. I can actually enjoy doing things instead of sitting and crying for hours. The fear feeling has decreased a lot, but the thoughts still sit there constantly causing their doubt. Which feels weird as it feels like I don't know if I believe them or not. Is that what they call a 'backdoor spike'?