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Explaining what goes on in my head all day, everyday. Any thoughts or any advice?

This might be hard to follow but I'm going to attempt to explain my obsessions/compulsions that occur all day, every day my life. I count and recount everything in my head and associate the counting to "bad" or "evil" numbers and words such as "666" and "devil". I'll usually start counting at/around the number 663 and if I stop counting on 666 it means the devil is in control of whatever I am thinking about. If I get to or stop at 665 it means the next thing I do will be controlled by the devil. Anxiety rushes and I literally cannot do anything else out of fear that anything, good or bad, that happens will have been caused by the devil. I'll often just lay down and be sure to not do anything and/or have no desire to do anything due to intense anxiety/fear. If I get to 667 or 668 I'll get a temporary relief of the anxiety and fear, but my mind always restarts around 663 or 664 soon after, and the cycle begins again. I spend all day every day counting things between/around numbers 663 and 667 and it never feels right. Anything from 663, or less, to 666 just means I'm on the way to the devil being in control. Getting to 667 is considered "safe" but always triggers my mind to restart at 663 with the next thing I count, which is absolutely everything. I often will associate the numbers to letters as well. Like the first thing I count is "d", the second is "e", and so forth until the word devil is spelled. Once that happens the devil is in control. Once I count another thing it gets rid of the devil until the counting immediately begins again back at the letter d, or sometimes mid word, and the process restarts. While I'm in the process of counting and spelling I'm simply just building up the numbers or words until the devil is in control. In fact, my mind will even make me believe that the devil is partially in control when the word is partially spelled. This goes on all day everyday from when I wake until I fall asleep. My mind will associate this to absolutely everything. From things I enjoy doing, to bites of food, to movies, to thoughts, to songs, to things I touch, to people/friends, and even to days of the week, meaning the devil is completely in control of something/anything that happens on a particular day (this one is one of the absolute worst because it can take several days to "complete" the compulsion and get some anxiety relief until the cycle starts again the next day or even the same day). Sorry for the long post on this stupid compulsion. I've never wrote out what happens constantly in my head so thoroughly before. Sorry if that was impossible to follow. Thanks for listening everyone. I've been counting these words and sentences as I've been writing this even. Might explain why it's so long. Sorry again. Just couldn't help it.
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Avatar universal
Do you still feel this way? I have similar fears. It used to be so bad that if I saw flames or a fireplace I tb it meant I was in hell or going to hell. I have this depressing sinking feeling deep in my gut like every thing is wrong and will never be right. But it's a little better now. I take Zoloft
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