Fear of HIV for years and extreme ocd

[anxiousannie123]

I'm OCD and have a extreme fear of germs diseases etc. My newest fear is that when I go out and leave my house for the day that my boyfriend is having sex with someone in my house in my bed that he may have met off the computer and now I'm fearing I have HIV. He plays video games all night the ones where they use a headset and talk to others in the game as he plays with a couple friends and then of course there are a whole bunch of strangers playing too. Part of the game u chat with others to figure out how to defeat the game. He's played for years and when he plays he plays for hours sometimes till 1 or 2 am. Lately I'm feeling like why would someone play that late is he chatting with girls on there and now I'm thinking when I am not home is he inviting someone here and having sex with them. I know that sounds like I have trust issues but I have really no reason to not trust him unless you think the fact that he plays this game all the time to all hours in the day and night is a reason not to trust. The thing is I've made comments like what r u doing on there who are u talking to  and he thinks I'm ridiculous so it's not like we can talk about it plus I sound weird asking. Also I find it weird that when I say to him don't ever cheat on me he says stuff like why are you saying that and then says don't ever cheat on him. He thinks because I say that to him it's because I'm cheating on him does that even make sense? It's like I said please don't ever cheat on me and he goes I wouldn't cheat on you and then he looked at me after he said it as if it was odd to have said that to him and he says don't ever cheat on me then I basically raise my voice and say omg I would never and then he is like don't yell like that and I say why are u getting mad and he says because  some things are not needed to even say  because we have been together 10 years I don't need to even say please don't cheat on me. Anyway I need someone to tell me if I'm being OCD about this or if it sounds like he really could be cheating. Is it odd that Everytime I mention anything about someone else like please don't ever cheat on me he thinks I'm saying that because I'm doing it to him? Does that even make sense like why would he say that? One time I said I hope no one is in this house when I'm not here how do I know what's going on and he goes I hope u are going where u say your going when  you are not here. Isn't that an odd answer? Anyway I'm always worried about HIV and recently went out for the day and came home and when I did I smelled something in my bathroom and immediately thought it smelled like some one was in my house like someone went pee and had a vaginal infection I know that sounds so weird and I said something like that to him but then realized it may have been the smell of pee in the toilet that was not flushed and was sitting all night. After that smell it's like my brain clicked and all of a sudden I'm stressing I'm being cheating on and someone is in my house when I go out and I had to clean my sheets right away and felt like everything in sight was contaminated and now I'm worried about hiv. Is this me and my OCD and extreme fear of HIV or could he be cheating on me? The video game late night thing is making me think it could be true what I am thinking. I also think it's odd that every time I mention my fear of HIV no matter what it is he does not think it's a big deal like he says magic Johnson has had it and he's lived for years there are a lot of other worse diseases and I disagree and that is just as equally bad. I'm really freaking out and apologize for the long post but please help me with these thoughts. I've already tried to talk with someone about my OCD and irrational fears in the past it's never helped. Does this sound irrational? Do I need to be worried or should I just stop thinking this happened. Please help.

[specialmom]

Sounds irrational, yes.  Sounds anxious, yes.  Constant fear of germs being ocd?  Could be.  Do you see a doctor?  

I think you need to get some help professionally with this.  I also think your boyfriend has a problem.  Video game can become an addiction and staying up all night to play?  I'd have a REAL problem with that.  And it sounds like perhaps he doesn't work?  What is he bringing to this relationship?  I'm of the belief that this is also very unhealthy behavior.  You deserve an equal and gaming day and night is not a true partner.  That's a child (my teens try to do that and CAN'T because I set a boundary but also because they have too many responsibilities.   WHERE is your boyfriend's responsibility?)  

Do you see a therapist or anything?  Do you have any insurance?

[Paxiled]

I will say, humans come in many flavors.  The fact one person doesn't like a particular behavior doesn't mean that behavior bothers someone else.  Lots of relationships have partners who have very busy independent lives.  Lots of them don't.  My wife and I have never been on the same schedule.  Now, we weren't playing video games, we were working or writing, but to each his or her own.  We're not here to judge your relationship and how you choose to live it, but we are here to help when you're unhappy.  Peace.

[specialmom]

Most certainly, staying up all night to play video games is a problem.  I don't back down from that statement in any way and I would never encourage someone to continue a relationship while dating with someone that is spending their nights doing that and not working or contributing.  You are a married person with a health condition.  I didn't work for some years when my kids were little tending to our children. That's different than someone with a gaming addiction and marrying yourself to that is not something I could in good conscious recommend.  I am very independent as I married late to a man who also married later in life.  I like my me time, my alone time and to do my own thing.  Ditto for my husband. That's different than the all night gaming obsession.  I won't even tolerate that in my teenagers.  And there are studies about what gaming does to the brain.  It's like a dopamine hit and indeed becomes addictive.  PROBLEM.  

[Paxiled]

First, I'm not sure you're describing OCD.  Everyone on here wants to have OCD.  Not every obsessive thought is OCD.  All mental illnesses involve obsessively thinking anxious or depressed thoughts or nobody would have depression or anxiety.  In your case, you seem to have a whopping case of anxiety of whatever type it is and probably depression.  You say you talked to someone -- does that mean you had formal therapy?  Was it with a psychologist who specialized in treating people like you?  Did you give it some time?  Did you try a different type of therapy until you found one that worked for you?  To me, it sounds like your husband is being sarcastic.  And if you know anything about video games, women are few and far between on them, so unless you suspect he's gay, no, he's not meeting women playing video games.  Quite the contrary, video game addicts have a reputation of having a hard time finding dates, it's a comedic cliche.  But reasoning isn't going to work because you're thinking irrationally.  Might he be cheating?  Of course, people do cheat on their spouses.  You might cheat too.  It's very common.  Is he?  Not if he's home all the time playing video games.  We can't talk you out of having an anxiety problem.  For that, you need a professional therapist, and if you can't find one you're willing to do the work with then you might need medication, because if this is your life it's driving you nuts.  Maybe you're exaggerating.  I have a really bad anxiety problem, but even I would get sarcastic if my wife kept asking me if I was cheating.  If I was, I wouldn't admit it, and if I wasn't, I'd wonder why she thought I was too.  Wouldn't you?  Again, I'm being rational here, and your thoughts are the problem.  Because yes, people do cheat on each other.  Not usually in their own homes, though.  So you're not going to guarantee that ever, you're just going to have to trust until your trust proves to have been wrongly placed.  If it has been 10 years, you've objectively got a stable relationship.  But you don't have a stable thinking process, so while you'll never control human beings and the dumb things they do, you might be able to stop making yourself miserable.  Peace.