Am I sick fu**?? :( (Pocd or not)

[Someone9933]

Hi,

Im really scared and anxious about this one thing. Some of you might know me from HOCD but that isnt the problem anymore. I dont know if Im pedophile or do I have pocd. Im so scared. Im 17 year-old boy and I dont know if I have crush to 13-year-old girl. Im in school where high-school and junior high-school are in same building. I was just in corridor and I saw this pretty girl. I thought she was 15 and all would have been fine because I would have waited one year and I would asked her out or something but anyway. I saw her instagram there she said that she is 13. My first thoughts was like 'Oh, I wont and cant do anything with her because she so young so I just leave it there' and I did. This happened like 3 weeks ago. In school I have just watched her like she is pretty and all but I have got this feeling like am I attarcted to her which is worrying and confusing me. Today I got this feeling am I pedophile and Im so scared and I dont want to go school. One time I got even a boner when I saw her hugging her friend. I have to be honest here too and this is why Im even more scared... I was bit sad when I found out that she is only 13 so does this mean Im pedophile and attracted to her because I was sad? I read from the internet some pedophile stories like how they knew. I got really scared because they knew when they were in their teenage and etc. Im in my teenage so?!?!? There are also girl who are 2 years younger than me and I think she is gorgeous, and to be honest the 15-year-old, I mentioned, I could have sex with so am I pedophile?!? Am I only attracted to girls who are under 16?!? I would never do bad to children NEVER! My mom died when I was 13 so do I have some sort of trauma. Also because of HOCD and all I want is a girlfriend and in my school there my isnt a single my age girl who Im intrested in. My past crushes have been my own age so that would be when I was 9,10 and 13 so does this mean Im attarcted to girls who are under 16?!? Sorry for saying this again Im just so scared. Please help and let me know what you think :(

[Someone9933]

I know I have those same feelings now but they come from 12-13 year-old girls. I never believed that I would develop this thing into my head. But good luck with your treatment!

[benny3399]

Thoughts are just thoughts. They're in your head and can kill you but we just have to remember that what's in your head is what's in your head. If you feel sick and hate the thoights you clearly never want to act on them.

[Someone9933]

I know it's scary but I dont think that your parents will just tell you 'Oh, you are gay.' Just tell that these thoughts bring anxiety and you need help. But do not just go to random psychiatrist, go psychiatrist who are specialist with these things.

[benny3399]

Okay thanks I mean whenever I get the thoights I feel sick and I get such bad anxiety where I can't even think. I find it so bad and I hate them. I think any straight guy who has these thoughts would have the same reactions in there head.

[Someone9933]

Thanks bro that helps me bit. That HOCD is the worst thing in the world but trust me it will get better. Dont lose hope! I say it all the time when I get these thoughts. Im going therapy at the moment and I recommend it to you.

[benny3399]

Thanks man I haven't really told my family tho. I've only
Told my gf and she's really supportive. I don't know if I should tell my family because they might not. Understand and think it's me in denial when I know for a fact it's not.

[benny3399]

Also dude ur not a Pedophile you're 17 years old and you noticed a girl is attractive. Think about it in 4 years when you're 21 and she's 17 or when you're 22 and she's 18 it's not gonna make a difference. My mom was 14 and my dad was 17 when they went out and now they r married. I'm not saying go and ask her out but listen.... we're all dudes and notice attractive girls. No big deal here man just relax. I've had some thoughts like that too. It happens stay chill bro.

[benny3399]

Yo bro I'm also 17 and suffer from HOCD. I love girls always have always will but that doubt always kills me. I'm doing better with it and trying to stay positive but I would like to know your story of how u beat it and maintain it. That would help a lot