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Avatar universal

HOCD, please help me.

Hi, I am 17 (almost 18), years old, and I have had what I think is HOCD ( I hope) for almost 4 months. I was always sexualy attracted to girls and never to guys. I had maybe 3 strong crushes on girls, but I was always shy and never asked a girl out. And when I almost did, I got rejected. I was getting better for about a week ago. I got my attraction to girls back and everything. I still had some unwanted thoughts, but I ignored them. At this point i realized that i can not be gay. Because I was attracted to girls, and without my anxiety, my sex drive went up. But 3 days ago, I got bed again. I felt anxious and got into same HOCD circle again. I wrote with the man that wrote that article about how to beat HOCD ( happy kevin). And he wrote to me, that I would never fear attraction to girls. Actualy it was true, because when I got better I never feared the attraction. Untill when I was thinking about this girl, and my mind came up of what he wrote, that i can not fear attraction. And boom, I got so much anxiety, and thought that it was because i fear opposite. I cant believe this. My heart rate was very high for those 4 months, and now when ever I think of opposite sex I start to think about anxiety and concentrate at my heart and I feel even more anxiety. I think that I fear, that I might fear attraction to opposite sex. Can HOCD, really do things like that? I got to know many tricks my mind played on me. But this is the first time anything like that happend. I never feared attraction to girls....Also when my HOCD, almost went away, and I was good again, I got health anxiety. I thought I had lung cancer, than day after that I had throat cancer (LOL). Now I still have this, but HOCD takes over the health anxiety. So now I am back to HOCD again. But I need an answare, is it normal? can my mind play tricks like this on me? Also I got message from my old crush! I had feelings for her, but I live about 1000 km from her.... So that is why it never worked out. But even after her I had crushes on girls, but I could never forget her. She was always the special one. I am going to meet her soon :D This feels soo good. But I fear that I might not like her anymore.... I fear that I will never be with girl again.... But please respond to main quastion about this anxiety when I think about girls.
7 Responses
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1699033 tn?1514113133
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi...I apologize for the delay in getting back to you.  HOCD has OCD in it right and that is what is really the problem here.  You have only to look at your health related OCD.  Once you get rid of one thought probably something else will takes its place.  HOCD is absolutely no different.  What you don't have though are the tools to help yourself when you get these thoughts.  Are you able to get in to see a psychologist?  

Here is some information about OCD and is very informative.  

http://www.wsps.info/index.php?catid=0:&id=82:ten-things-you-need-to-know-to-overcome-ocd&option=com_content&view=article
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi, and thanks for your reponse. I live in Norway and very few people specialize in treating HOCD. I never thought that I might have OCD. But now, when I look at this. I can tell that I had health anxiety for a quite long time. I remeber playing basketball with my friend that was in Africa, and when I came home I felt a bit sick. And I thought it was Ebola.. I can lough at this now, but i was really afraid then. HOCD is my main theme now, but can you answare my question? Because it bothers me very much......
Helpful - 0
1699033 tn?1514113133
COMMUNITY LEADER
Sorry...what question?  Whether you are gay or not or whether it is possible to lose attraction to girls because of this?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Why do I sometimes experiance anxiety when I think about girls!? Because it never happend befour (or higher heart rate. That was my question. But now I dont have anxiety! I have thoughts but no anxiety, this spikes me even more. I can not be gay if I had crushes on girls and liked them? I don`t know what is heppening to me.
Helpful - 0
1699033 tn?1514113133
COMMUNITY LEADER
Actually you want to get to a point where you have the thought and it doesn't bother you.  That doesn't mean you are gay it just means that you are bored with the thought.  That is the ultimate goal of anybody with OCD...think the thought and let it wash over you.  It is actually a good thing.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Yes but i still do not undestand why I have anxiety, when I think about girls. I read that many people have this, but I can`t tell why. Maybe I am afraid that I will not like it anymore or something, I don`t know.....
Helpful - 0
1699033 tn?1514113133
COMMUNITY LEADER
Read this information about OCD in general.  It may provide you the insight you are looking for.  

http://www.wsps.info/index.php?catid=0:&id=82:ten-things-you-need-to-know-to-overcome-ocd&option=com_content&view=article
Helpful - 0
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