Hi, I am 17 (almost 18), years old, and I have had what I think is HOCD ( I hope) for almost 4 months. I was always sexualy attracted to girls and never to guys. I had maybe 3 strong crushes on girls, but I was always shy and never asked a girl out. And when I almost did, I got rejected. I was getting better for about a week ago. I got my attraction to girls back and everything. I still had some unwanted thoughts, but I ignored them. At this point i realized that i can not be gay. Because I was attracted to girls, and without my anxiety, my sex drive went up. But 3 days ago, I got bed again. I felt anxious and got into same HOCD circle again. I wrote with the man that wrote that article about how to beat HOCD ( happy kevin). And he wrote to me, that I would never fear attraction to girls. Actualy it was true, because when I got better I never feared the attraction. Untill when I was thinking about this girl, and my mind came up of what he wrote, that i can not fear attraction. And boom, I got so much anxiety, and thought that it was because i fear opposite. I cant believe this. My heart rate was very high for those 4 months, and now when ever I think of opposite sex I start to think about anxiety and concentrate at my heart and I feel even more anxiety. I think that I fear, that I might fear attraction to opposite sex. Can HOCD, really do things like that? I got to know many tricks my mind played on me. But this is the first time anything like that happend. I never feared attraction to girls....Also when my HOCD, almost went away, and I was good again, I got health anxiety. I thought I had lung cancer, than day after that I had throat cancer (LOL). Now I still have this, but HOCD takes over the health anxiety. So now I am back to HOCD again. But I need an answare, is it normal? can my mind play tricks like this on me? Also I got message from my old crush! I had feelings for her, but I live about 1000 km from her.... So that is why it never worked out. But even after her I had crushes on girls, but I could never forget her. She was always the special one. I am going to meet her soon :D This feels soo good. But I fear that I might not like her anymore.... I fear that I will never be with girl again.... But please respond to main quastion about this anxiety when I think about girls.