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HOCD? Need HELP!
Alright. So Im gonna go straight to the point. Im 17 and I think I suffer from HOCD. My entire life Ive been attracted to women, Ive had crushes on girls ever since I was young and the only sex I want to marry, spend my life with is a woman. But for about 3 months out of nowhere I started to get gay thoughts like "Am I gay?" "Does that guy turn me on?". I know Im straight, Ive always believed Im straight, but when i masturbate I usually only watch lesbians, I prefer two girls rather than having a guy in the video. I tried looking at pictures of two men kissing but I gagged (no offence), but today I decided to experiment, I started to watch a girl pleasuring herself and got started but I switched to gay porn just to see, I ended up ejaculating but I felt terrible after, I felt ashamed and felt sick. Recently Ive been noticing more guys as attractive, never sexually but if i see a good looking dude Ill think to myself "Hes good looking" never "hot" or "sexy", but when I look at women its usually "hot" and "sexy". Ill also add when I was around 7-9 I used to play with dolls with my cousin who was a girl and she was 3 years younger, I was never and still am not into going outside riding bikes or playing sports, I enjoy sports, I love football and I will play with friends but Ive never really been the outside kinda person I like to play video games and go on the computer. Anyway, I used to play with dolls with her because I didnt wanna go out and ride bikes with her brother, I had WWE figures so I usually played with them and she had the dolls but sometimes I would play with her doll, never really dressed them up and stuff just played with them. But Im starting to think maybe thats because Ive always been a creative person, I like to make up stories and scenarios, I enjoy writting scripts so maybe thats why I enjoyed playing with dolls and figures? Also I enjoyed to dress up in costumes like Spider-Man ect to play. But although I was sorta feminine in that type of way, my crushes as a kid were always girls, I remember fancying Sarah Michelle Geller as Daphne in the Scooby Doo movie, or the pink power ranger.
But anyway, Im still a virgin but mainly because Im not really confident when it comes to talking to girls. I also have a friend in college who is straight but he acts gay, like he'll touch me on my thigh which I immediately shove away, or he will slap the other guys including myself's butt which I also hate, Ill swat his hand away immediately. But this HOCD thing is getting worse, Ill start to get concious about my walk, Ill try to walk "hard", like I wont sway my hands which I dont do anyway but Ill make sure I dont. Also when I do have sexual dreams with girls, sometimes my brain will replace the girl with a guy to mess with me, but i immediately stop thinking about it and Ill get a hot flush and a stomach ache.
I will admit, the vagina doesnt completely turn me on, Im more of a boobs and *** guy myself, although the vagina doesnt gross me out at all, I dont go crazy over it if you understand what I mean? Like, you hear some guys absolutely obssessed with it, but myself although it doesnt turn me off if you see it in porn, I dont go nuts over it like its the best thing ever, I much prefer a girl with a great *** and chest and a pretty face. But maybe thats because Im a virgin and havent really seen a vagina in real life.
Anyway, thats enough rambling, I think Ive explained myself pretty well, I hope this is just HOCD because I really dont want to be gay, I just dont want to be, I think homosexuality is wrong (no offence) and people should go with the opposite sex.
Thank you for reading!
But anyway, Im still a virgin but mainly because Im not really confident when it comes to talking to girls. I also have a friend in college who is straight but he acts gay, like he'll touch me on my thigh which I immediately shove away, or he will slap the other guys including myself's butt which I also hate, Ill swat his hand away immediately. But this HOCD thing is getting worse, Ill start to get concious about my walk, Ill try to walk "hard", like I wont sway my hands which I dont do anyway but Ill make sure I dont. Also when I do have sexual dreams with girls, sometimes my brain will replace the girl with a guy to mess with me, but i immediately stop thinking about it and Ill get a hot flush and a stomach ache.
I will admit, the vagina doesnt completely turn me on, Im more of a boobs and *** guy myself, although the vagina doesnt gross me out at all, I dont go crazy over it if you understand what I mean? Like, you hear some guys absolutely obssessed with it, but myself although it doesnt turn me off if you see it in porn, I dont go nuts over it like its the best thing ever, I much prefer a girl with a great *** and chest and a pretty face. But maybe thats because Im a virgin and havent really seen a vagina in real life.
Anyway, thats enough rambling, I think Ive explained myself pretty well, I hope this is just HOCD because I really dont want to be gay, I just dont want to be, I think homosexuality is wrong (no offence) and people should go with the opposite sex.
Thank you for reading!
Thank you very much :). I have an appointment with my local GP tomorrow, but its for my pains in my leg, and Im just wondering should I mention HOCD to her? Im sorta scared too because I havent told my parents about it because I dont want it to become a big thing. I found that not masturbating is sorta helpful, I went three days without it and I didnt have any spikes.
I just wrote this on someone else's post and I'm copying and pasting it here because I think it applies to you.
Hi there. Seeing a psychologist is the best option however there are books out there that may help.
Self-Coaching by Joseph Luciani
Brain-Lock
The OCD Workbook
Just from facing my own fears and using the "whatever" attitude. You need to take the fear out of the thought and make it boring. So for instance when I'm afraid I will have a panic attack when I drive....I say "Bring it on. I have survived it before and I will survive this one as well" and it doesn't happen because I'm no longer afraid of it. So if you said to yourself "If I'm gay, then I'm gay....Whatever" every time you have the thought at some point you will get tired of the thought and the fear of it will go away. Now that doesn't mean it won't be replaced by something else but you can cross that bridge when and if you get to it.
Try Self-Coaching first. You can get it as an E-book.
Hi there. Seeing a psychologist is the best option however there are books out there that may help.
Self-Coaching by Joseph Luciani
Brain-Lock
The OCD Workbook
Just from facing my own fears and using the "whatever" attitude. You need to take the fear out of the thought and make it boring. So for instance when I'm afraid I will have a panic attack when I drive....I say "Bring it on. I have survived it before and I will survive this one as well" and it doesn't happen because I'm no longer afraid of it. So if you said to yourself "If I'm gay, then I'm gay....Whatever" every time you have the thought at some point you will get tired of the thought and the fear of it will go away. Now that doesn't mean it won't be replaced by something else but you can cross that bridge when and if you get to it.
Try Self-Coaching first. You can get it as an E-book.
well, that's a relief haha. So what would you say the best way to handle this is? I don't really wanna start seeing a therapist because I don't want to turn this into an actual problem, I just want to forget about it.
Is there anyway I can stop this by myself at home? When I get the thoughts I either try to change the subject or I tell myself "whatever" which i dont really like to because I dont like the thoughts so it's hard to have a "whatever" attitude about it. I've also started to get the groinal responses, not erections, just a feeling like I'm about to, like last night they were showing the winner of the dude who won the Arnold Shwarzenger bodybuilding contest on the news and I had the groinal feeling, no arousal or sexual thoughts, just this groinal thing which is annoying because it makes you panic haha. But yeah, do you have any tips on how to stop HOCD or control it by yourself?
Is there anyway I can stop this by myself at home? When I get the thoughts I either try to change the subject or I tell myself "whatever" which i dont really like to because I dont like the thoughts so it's hard to have a "whatever" attitude about it. I've also started to get the groinal responses, not erections, just a feeling like I'm about to, like last night they were showing the winner of the dude who won the Arnold Shwarzenger bodybuilding contest on the news and I had the groinal feeling, no arousal or sexual thoughts, just this groinal thing which is annoying because it makes you panic haha. But yeah, do you have any tips on how to stop HOCD or control it by yourself?
The way I see women has always been attracted towards them. Ive always thought when seeing a nice looking woman "shes pretty" as I got older it was "id love to have a go at that" i know....but I am 17 so yeah xD.
I always look at the woman if a couple walks past and at parties i look at the women. At prom I was stunned by some of the girls there. Ive recently found myself with a celebrity crush, Chloe Moretz, I think she is insanely gorgeous.
I always look at the woman if a couple walks past and at parties i look at the women. At prom I was stunned by some of the girls there. Ive recently found myself with a celebrity crush, Chloe Moretz, I think she is insanely gorgeous.
Hi there. So I'm going to give you may take on homosexuality. I think it is genetic. I think we are born gay or we are not. I want to you to think about how you react to women. What changes happened to your body. Those are not things you had to think about right. They just happened. And they just happen because your body is hardwired to react that way. You are not hardwired to react toward the same sex. If you were, you wouldn't be fighting the thoughts like you do. So while you think it is just wrong, I think it is genetic. But that really doesn't matter. We are all entitled to our opinions.
OCD is about control and closure. The things we make up are pretty crazy and then we go about seeing reassurance or some way to prove the thought wrong. Well what are you going to do with an HOCD thought??? You are going to look at porn. Everybody does and this is a form of testing and just so you know, testing keeps a person in the OCD loop of thinking. As for ejaculating to gay porn....think about it. It is different and therefore a turn on.
Add to this a bit of low self-esteem and your mind is driving you crazy.
Don't worry about what body parts you like. If boobs turn you on then so be it. But trust me, when the time comes that you decide to have sex, you won't be thinking about what you like and don't like. You will like everything.
So here are a couple of things I would like you to read.
http://www.brainphysics.com/yourenotgay.php
Google this one because right now it isn't comeing up. Ten Things you need to know to overcome OCD by Fred Penzel
Lastly, stress makes OCD worse. Can you talk to your parents about this so that you can get in to see a psychologist? They can help you learn how to deal with these pesky thoughts our minds make up.
OCD is about control and closure. The things we make up are pretty crazy and then we go about seeing reassurance or some way to prove the thought wrong. Well what are you going to do with an HOCD thought??? You are going to look at porn. Everybody does and this is a form of testing and just so you know, testing keeps a person in the OCD loop of thinking. As for ejaculating to gay porn....think about it. It is different and therefore a turn on.
Add to this a bit of low self-esteem and your mind is driving you crazy.
Don't worry about what body parts you like. If boobs turn you on then so be it. But trust me, when the time comes that you decide to have sex, you won't be thinking about what you like and don't like. You will like everything.
So here are a couple of things I would like you to read.
http://www.brainphysics.com/yourenotgay.php
Google this one because right now it isn't comeing up. Ten Things you need to know to overcome OCD by Fred Penzel
Lastly, stress makes OCD worse. Can you talk to your parents about this so that you can get in to see a psychologist? They can help you learn how to deal with these pesky thoughts our minds make up.
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