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HOCD or am I gay? (girl)

I am a 16 year old female. I have always had crushes on guys, never on a girl. However, I have masturbated to lesbian porn and naked women since I was 12. I don't get turned on by boobs or girls in person, except sometimes when they're rubbing their legs I get a tingly feeling, but I can't see myself with one and don't want to have any sort of sexual intercourse with them. The idea of being gay haunts me and keeps me from living my life normally. I worry if people think I am gay, if I do things that are gay. My ring finger is longer than my index finger, which worries me too since studies show that indicates you are a lesbian. I freak out all the time. I have a huge history with OCD, for about 5 years now. Do you think I have HOCD or am I a lesbian?
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Avatar universal
hey,
im just here to tell you that you're not alone in this. i've been going through this for almost four months already and its been hell on earth!
im 19 years old (female) and as far back as i can remember ive always liked guys. about a year ago i started getting into porn mostly when i would drink and then i started getting into girl on girl stuff. i never told anyone about it. it wasnt until i started dating this guy and he was trying to pressure me to have sex with him. i didnt want to and i told him no and broke up with him. after that i started to obsess on the thought of me possibly being gay. it tormented me day and night and it still does at times. but the reality of it is that im really too young to be having sex and ive never been in love with a guy so it just felt wrong to me. ask yourself the question. would i be happy in a relationship with another girl? i asked myself the question and my anserw is no.  in reality i know what i am and it does get easier i promise! just hang in there, praying has helped me alot. God always hears our prayers and helps us.


hope this helps!
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Avatar universal
hey i have been through the same thing.  trust me when i say that none of the finger things or arousal or sexual things that you misinterpret on a daily basis do to your obsession in irrational and does not apply at all.  im not going to tell you what does and doesnt matter.  what i will tell you is that its anxiety and is an issue to more people than you think...you are not alone...i would advise a doctor and maybe meds but thats a worse case...to truley get rid of such thoughts is stupid...if you have hocd its something that you live with...with that said its not as bad as it seems...you get ocd under control you dont get rid of it...if you try it makes it worse...first step is to STOP reassuring urself that you are not gay.  that is a compulsion to compulse is to feed ocd...when you see a good looking women you dont look at her and try to find some feeling that points out whether ur gay or not...you just dont look...you see ocd is a cycle of intrusive thoughts that you ponder or compulse and you get releif temporarely from the complusion...and a new thought takes its place or the old way to relieve the anxiety just doesnt work...you have to just have the thought that causes the anxiety and just let it burn you....keep doing that over and over and eventually youll find that the thoughts are irrational...and that is call desensitizing ur anxiety... start with that but give it time and youll see...i propmise...
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Avatar universal
heyy so this is a bit of a relief :) well let me say that i am..or was..the same as you, things like that gave me arousals too..just never the real life part about the legs thing..
even though that stuff got me off i always had INTENSE feelings for boys, romantically and sexually, and i found that when i met the right guy, those desires went away completely because i was so sexually attracted to him and made me more aroused then the girl stuff ever could.
I am like you, HOCD. because one day i was around my girl friends and i was like what if im gay? and the rest  is history. i get you girl. hang in there. as long as your aroused by guys in real life then your fine.
and PS, the ring figner thing only applies to right hand ring finger because the right hand is more sensitive to fetal androgens which are linked to sexual orientation. mine is shorter on my right hand and just about the same on the left. dont worry about the left hand. just google "right hand 2:D 4:D ratio and read up, you'll see what im talking about.
haha, as you can see i have done constant research to reassure myself im not gay.
Helpful - 0
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