I am a 19 year old male adn latyley Ive been having doubts about my sexual orientation. Throughout my life, I have suffered from having fearfull thoughts: like death of a Family member, or my personal death. Along with these fears I get anxiety attaks, and sometimes I get depressed. I ve also been having self esteem issues all my life. I never find to be happy with my physical appearance, and this has been an issue that has been there all my life. I tend to admire other males appearance and wanted to be like them. Having acne problems made me feel ugly sometimes becuase it was an obssesion for my mom that I had acne. There are days where I feel ugly and other days I feel This turned me into a metrosexual guy. It sometimes depresses me when I realize that I care so much about my appearence because I feel that life is more than just that. Also, Ive allways been attracted to girls. Since a very young age, I wouyld experience sexual activ ities like masturbating and having sexual thoughts about girls. I had a couple of relationships, but I never had the maturity to view women as more than just a sexual being. I turned out to be a sexually obssesed male. Once I matured enough I started wanting to have relationships like freindships and stuff like that with girls and decided not to view them only in a sexual manner. I started to date girls that were hotter than before, and this made me kinda of piky with girls afterwards. I lways determine if a guy was good looking or not, but this never made me have thoughts about my sexuality. Latley Ive been having unwanted thoughts about men. This makes me not want to think of girls because I am depressed. I read about HOCD and I felt that I qualified all of the symtoms. When I read about this I became alot more calm. It stills worry me because I dont know if this makes me calm, does that mean that I am accepting that I am gay. I still like girls and I miss wanting to have sex with them. I ve never felt sexually aroused by a male, but sometimes I feel like if I enjoy spending time with my male finreds, that that is a sign of me baing gay, and thats when I get worry again. PLease evaluate my situation and tell me what do you think. I normally get depressed and start gettting anxiety attracks. And if i dont get these attaks I get worried because it means that I am gay?