Harm OCD and medication

[Deeproots]

*Kind of disturbing*
After a stressful semester at school I started having intrusive thoughts triggered by a movie in which a man had his eyes gouged out. After then I felt really sad and anxious and fearful that I was going to do that to myself so I started having panic attacks. After the intrusive thoughts and urges got really bad I finally sought out help and my psychiatrist says I am the textbook case of harm ocd. I was put on Prozac and recently my dosage has been increased. Honestly, my anxiety has gotten worse and now the fact that I can see triggers the thoughts and fear of harm and rumination. My therapist tells me to just let them go, but from the derealization to hyper awareness I only feel like I'm getting worse.
Im begining to doubt whether I have only harm ocd. I'm afraid that I'm afraid to see, but I know that it's because I've allowed myself to attach too much meaning to these thoughts. Now im questoning whether i want to be blind (which is my worst fear), and i know its irrational but the fact that i can see makes me obsess over it and its a cycle.
Is there a way I can recover from this?
Anyone experience anything similar?
Also, I've heard that with some SSRIs things get worse before they get better. Should I wait a little bit longer for the Prozac or stop it?

[JGF25]

Hi there.  Yes you are correct in that medication can sometimes make the OCD worse before it makes it better.  It usually takes 4-6 weeks to build up the therapeutic dose in your system.  I went through the same thing with increased anxiety but I stayed the course and was rewarded in 4 weeks.  I kind of had the opposite thought...I thought I would up and go blind while I was driving.  Stupid right!  I can laugh about the thought now but back then, it was so real.  You need to hang in there and continue to see your therapist.  One of the things I did (and please discuss with your therapist first) is I would go into a dark room and picture myself doing the "harm" things I was thinking.  When I did that everyday, what I realized is that that person isn't me.  It was never something I would do.  And incidentally, people with OCD don't carry out the thoughts we have.  It is because they are so traumatic to us, so horrific, that we latch on to them and because they are traumatic and horrific, we don't act on them.  Let me know how you are doing.  

[Deeproots]

Thank you so much for the response! I really want to expose myself to these fears but I fear that I've allow them to lead to a sensory obsession with my sight. Like when I see anything, I can't get over the fact that I can see and I obsess over the fact that such a small organ has the power to open up a world of color and vision and I get anxious. Stupid, I know, but I've begun to close my eyes to avoid the thoughts, which makes the whole doubt and harm ocd worse. Alas. I'm really looking to switch to Lexapro as it has good reviews and Prozac is giving me grief. But I also want effective therapy so I'll ask my therapist.  

[123tushar07]

i have suffered from the same obsessive thought and i have got free from it now.
I also use to think how wonderful and important organ eye is and how would be our life if we don't have eyes and all that.
Medicines will help you but you also have take therapy specially the exposure part.I did daily exposures for 1-1.5 hour and it really soaked up the anxiety.

[ocdhelp]

I agree. I suffered from intrusive thoughts for a long time and am now doing a lot better. You're right that things get worse before they get better while taking medication but when things finally start to get better, it's a great feeling. My thought were greater than me at one point and now I'm greater than my thoughts. It's easier to control my thoughts now. And ur therapist is right. We obsess over thoughts that are not of our control. People with OCD have thoughts but people without OCD also have thoughts. The difference though is that people with OCD will hold on to the thoughts and give them so much more importance than someone that does not have OCD. So just let these thoughts pass and don't pay them any attention because thoughts are just thoughts. They're not a representation of who we are. Intrusive thoughts make us confused about who we know we are but all of this is just temporary. Be patient for now and in a few weeks you'll see that these thoughts are not you. Take deep breaths and read about mindfulness. This along with medication helped me and now I see that I'm getting better. Good luck to you friend!