Hi there. You obviously have a history of irrational thinking. Were you ever diagnosed with OCD? "HOCD" is a thought that most people with OCD have. It is probably the number one thought that people have actually. I have had it myself. What you need to realize is that it is no different than any of the other thoughts that you have had that didn't turn out to be true. When we have OCD, we tend to think thoughts that are hard to get closure on because that is what everyone with OCD is looking for. Closure on the thought so we can move on. But what we do to ourselves is come up with things that are hard to disprove so to speak.
My take on being gay is that it is based in our genetics. We are born gay or we are not. I often ask people to think about how their body reacts to, in your case, a guy. When you see a good looking guy do you even have to think about it or does your body just react? I know mine does. But women don't do that for me. I may notice them if they are pretty or look good in their clothes but my body isn't reacting the same way it does when I see a good looking guy.
The porn doesn't count because all porn is arousing...that is why they make it. Hetero porn, gay porn, women with women, it doesn't matter....it is all made to be arousing.
You need to learn more about OCD in general. How you go about helping yourself. Here is a good article to read.
I have not been diagnosed with ocd i never thought my intense intrusive thoughts were part of ocd or anything really just my weird phases of fear i get once in a while idk .. I didnt really learn about ocd until this hocd thing .. But im affraid it will not be ocd and i just have to live like this. I have seen some things about erp and have been trying some self erp .. It has helped i have a lot more moments of clarity were i know who i sm straight and i can even think clearly about the porn that it was just me being a teen. In puberty it didnt mean anything. The self erp is hard somtimes because i have to trigger my anxiety and just let the thoughts be thoughts and let the anxiety burn. It is hard as i still have trouble lettung the fears go and i feel trapped but am able to pull myself out of the anxiety and fear faster. So i guess that is good. I habe a crush on a boy now and when i flirt i feel so normal and happy but my mind has been trying to make me think the crush is not real but i know that is irrational and i wont let myself not be happy and flirt. It is just hard i cry a lot and feel depressed but. I am trying to see work through it . Thank you for your comment to you have any other tips i am very big on my past and it is horrible .. Thank you
Here is a good book to take a look at.
Overcoming Obsessive Thoughts: How to Gain Control of Your OCD by Christine Purdon
You are correct in that you do need to the let the thoughts burn themselves out. When you take the fear out of the thought, it goes away.
I will try and get that book thank you. And yes it is helping a lot. I kust wish i could feel normal completely so i can move on with my life.. Thank you!