okay, so about 5 months ago i made a post similar to this, i stopped looking up questions on yahoo and stopped testing myself to pictures of people, for about 2 months i was doing fine, my gay thoughts and worries subsided, and i wasnt that depressed, but know starting from about 3 weeks ago i started getting gay thoughts again, about a kid at school that i think i have admiration for, my mind says i want to be with him though, which depresses me, my attraction to women has dissapeared, if i see a naked woman now i dont feel any attraction, and i i force myself to masturbated to gay thoughts, and what freaks me out is that i ejaculate quicker, than to straight thoughts. years ago one of my friends showed me his buisness, and i did the same, which i think is normal for 12 year old guys. i stopped being his friend becuz he kept showing me, like a 100 times, but know whenever i see him i keep imagining what his private looks like, and when i maturbate sometimes i picture him masturbating, im not in the thought though. and i keep having gay thoughts about the other kid i talked about in the begging. my straight thoughts havent been turning me on as much, which is leading me to believe that i have turned gay, and my straight life is gone.im not interseted in having sexual contact with either sex, but my mind says i will end up kissing ot having sex with the guys i talked about, which makes me very depressed. everytime i see a guy who looks better than me i wonder what his **** looks like, and how big it is, i wonder what he looks like ejaculating too.i what these thoughts gone, when i masturbate to gay thoughts it doesnt feel right, a force tells me that i dont want this but another says i do. im not sure if im curious about guys or want them, i never had a thought about being gay, and i never liked guys sexually, i used to masturbated with guys in my thoughts, but i was never in them, i would in-body myself as the guys having sex with women. im worried i have become gay, and i read on yahoo, that maybe your heart is saying your gay but ur mind is saying your not, which makes me even more depressed, i never thought i was gay, kids in school always make fun of me because they think im gay, for the past 6 years, and in that time, most of my friends have been girls which also makes me think that i might be put in there mind set, when i was 6 my first love was a girl, i never liked guys romantically or sexually, until ive had these gay thoughts, in three months it will be a years since this fear has started. has hocd won and tormented me so long that i know believe im gay when im not , or am i just in denial the whole time