I am the one with the multiple posts here

[ProdigyOfRap]

I have already looked for psychiatric help but I was given dates that are a month away and I just can't seem t cope any more. For those of you that do not know who I am and what I am posting about you can read my last few posts which are virtually the same.

Every time I try to be my normal self again my head blocks it and gives me homo thoughts which I never had. And I am getting aroused which is scaring me I was never like this I just want to be normal me again. I was able to cope with these thoughts for the last couple of months because I knew they would go away but the the past week I have not been able to cope with them and they have become more aggressive. I went to the behavioral health center to seek help but they were only able to give me an appointment a month from now. The only way I can get one is if I am in any risk of harming myself or somebody which I am not, but I am slowly deteriorating myself I am starting to believe what my head has thrown at me. Its been a while since I have gotten an erection from a women. I am not afraid of being a homosexual... I just never was a homosexual to begin with I feel as this OCD has some how managed to brain wash me into being so. I have never nor will i ever look for gay porn or masturbate to gay porn.

I just would for my memory to be erased one year and be the same man I was a year ago.
Please if anyone that has gone through what I have gone through please reply. I just want to be ME not this piece of **** that OCD has created. I cannot sleep without waking up in a cold sweat, I cannot eat, I cannot drink water, I cannot even talk to my friends anymore this week has been hell in my mind. And it just seems to get worse and worse.

Is there anyway or is there anyone on the board that is a phycologist and might be willing to skype me since It will be a month before I even get any sort of help.

[PatchedSoul]

Im going through the same thing. I haven't been officially diagnosed with HOCD or even OCD even though I think I've had bouts of it before like there's been times I was obsessed with the fear of the world ending and eternal life's bad nuclear wars and stuff like that. Now it's being afraid of becoming lesbian/bi. I know for a fact I never have been gay or bi before, I was always straight and it just felt natural to chase after the boys and daydream about the perfect one and falling in love with him. I've wanted nothing more than to marry a man and start a family of my own (though that's a ways off). I've been dealing with this for about 2-21/2 months now, about the whole summer. It all started with a girl I met the came out if no where'd and sparked it with a video I was watching that already made me uncomfortable though somehow I ended up thinking I was gay if I was watching it, the thought of being uncomfortable forgotten, the worry of being gay/bi anew and fresh in my mind and has been ever since then. Constantly there. I can't go see a professional right now being that my family is right on money but I have been told on a lot  of my posts that I need to start doing self treatment such as breathing techniques, CBT which helps you to get over the compulsive side of things  and ERP which is exposing yourself to what you've been avoiding so that by forcing yourself to be uncomfortable your anxiety rises so high until finally it doesn't bother you anymore to being exposed to that stuff and there is no longer any fear or anxiety behind all the thoughts. I haven't tried any of these things yet for fest of the outcome (I know it doesn't make sense to you but again, we are dealing with OCD right? What does make sense? Nothing) but if I'm gong to get anywhere then I need to try and so do you. Good luck to you, best of wishes

[123tushar07]

hey buddy dont get frustrated so much, once ur treatment starts things will get better, if its one month, u can start changing ur life from now, things which ocd stops u from doing do all of them, go out, meet with friends, play games, watch movie, do ur hobbies,these things will give u positive energy to fight with ocd.

u can try meditation, yoga , breathing techniques they can help u

[JGF25]

There are no psychologists on this forum.  If you are this desperate and you cannot see someone soon, then you may want to consider checking yourself into a mental health facility.  There is no shame in that.  You will feel safe and they will start teaching you ways to help yourself.