Doubting it's even hocd really need help

[Sweetheartgirl]

So I've been straight all my life I've been having boy crushes ever since I can remember and all of my crushes were boys not once I questioned my sexuality not once: ( I've got a boyfriend that I've been with for two years I've had many boyfriend before never ever thought of dating a girl, but when I was 15/14 I've started watching porn I started off with watching straight porn that aroused me so much guys aroused me in real life too. The. I moved onto gay and lesbian and ever since Thats what I've been watching still didn't question my sexuality I've always had successful sexual life with my boyfriend but once I got really high and I felt weird for months never felt like myself ever since I've had obsessive thoughts that I've lost my memory. I started watching a lot of porn because That's the only thing that kept my mind of it. I started having lesbian dreams and in my dreams I enjoyed it but still didn't question my sexuality because I had a boyfriend and I was attracted to boys and boys only felt good when They gave me attention found gay and lesbian people disgusting but I have nothing against them. Once day I found myself hard to orgasm when I was having sex with my boyfriend so I thought of lesbian porn and I came I felt so disgusted.  After a few months I think I had a depression or something because I never felt happy. I was watching desperate housewives and one of their sons turned out to be gay and then I questioned myself what if I'm gay too and the horror started I couldn't sleep my stomach was hurting and was puking up uh couldn't sleep or think I felt so disgusted about feeling gay and I cried so much I felt like I'm gonna become gay or I never knew I was gay but I really don't want to be I'm so hopeless I cry almost every day because I would rather die a painful death than be gay I can't imagine myself being with a girl everytime I do I get a panic attack and feel so uncomfortable.  I have always dreamed of being married to a man and having a baby and now I feel like I'm not going to have that because Im gonna be gay

[Sweetheartgirl]

Thank you so much tushar you make me feel so much better about this may God Bless you ❤

[123tushar07]

yes it is hocd , ocd can come at any age at any time, ocd is caused by many factors, they are biological,genetical,psychological etc.

The solution for ocd is combination of medicine and cognitive behavior therapy.Its better you consult a psychiatrist and start treatment

[Sweetheartgirl]

Do you really think it's hocd I'm so scarred I don't. .wanna be gay so much I feel depressed

[Sweetheartgirl]

I've got a gp appointment nxt week but the things I've. Watched are really scary it's making me doubt my sexuality now it never did before until one day I was just watching a movie and that disgusting what if I'm gay questioned popped into my head but it never made senae because I've always been crazy over guys I found lesbians and guy weird but when I look back I clearly had symptoms of ocd but then again Why did I have them Dreams was it because I watched so much porn it affected my brain I really don't, wanna be gay I want my life back

[JGF25]

My take on being gay or not is based in genetics.  We cannot wake up one day and become gay.  

As for porn, it gets boring after a while and so people go looking for something different/unusual and of course you get turned on by it.  Porn is porn.  If I was watching regular porn where you know there are lots of girl on girl scenes and I had an orgasm during one of those scenes, does that make me gay?  Of course not.  It is the content that is turning me on and not the players.  

People that are truly gay don't fight these thoughts.  They don't make them want to throw up or anything like that.  Anxiety will do that to you though.  

Can you see a psychologist?