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IM LIVING IN HELL. HOCD OR DENIAL??

Hi, I am 18 years old and a senior in high school.  For over 2 years, I have been experiencing intrusive gay thoughts.  This is terrifying me because I have liked girls my entire life.  I remember my first crush and the first time I masturbated. (sorry if that was to personal) so why am I having these thoughts??  I feel like I cant turn on the tv or hang out with friends because I am afraid I will think something gay about them.  I feel like I don't recognize myself.  This is the most terrifying thing I have ever gone through in my life.  I am seeking professional help and have recently started an antidepressant.  I feel like Im losing my mind.  I hate these thoughts. I dont want to be gay.  Also, I have never had a girlfriend so I dont know if that has anything to do with it.  Plz help me.  Is this HOCD OR DENIAL?? any response will be appreciated. (plz be honest)  
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Avatar universal
Thanks man. I will definitely look into this.  I know deep down I am straight, but these thoughts keep telling me im not. Any advide on how to deal with it???
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Avatar universal
Sounds definitely like OCD. Read the article "The boy who didn't know who he was," by Fred Penzel, and "How do I know I'm not really gay?", also by Dr. Penzel. The last article is available on the International Obsessive Compulsive Foundation website, where you will find a ton of information, so read, read, read. Also, try to find a qualified therapist in your area, they have a list. Also there is an article on this topic at neuroticplanet.com, and "Sexual and Homosexual Worries in OCD" by Dr. Williams at OCDtypes.com, and "I'm Gay, and You're Not", on Brainphysics.com
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