Is celibacy the solution?

[Sungay]

       I have been diagnosed with OCD last year. I took fluoxetine for almost a month and then quit because it causes erectile dysfunction for me and it didn't seem to help with OCD. My psychiatrist refused to give me psychotherapy. He said that it's useless and only prescribed the fluoxetine for my OCD. Let me first give you the background of my story.

       I'm a gay male, 21, who has had anal sex only twice in my life. Those two times were with the same male prostitute(masseur) and protected with a condom. And I'm committed to using condoms. The problem is, I can't let go of the fear of HIV and Stds. Even after having tested for HIV and its negative result, I continue to worry about the 'future' because I can never know for sure that I will never have a sexual exposure again. Even the existence of Prep, the pills HIV-negative people take to reduce the risk of HIV infection, can't reduce my anxiety level. I continue to have worries like 'What if the condom breaks or slips and my partner has drug-resistant HIV so Prep won't protect me in that case? What if I failed to take the Prep pills as directed and then got HIV because of that and then continue taking the Prep pills and then become drug resistant myself and then can't afford the HIV treatment because the treatment for drug-resistant HIV are very expensive? What if I forget my cellphone(alarm) downstairs so it failed to remind me to take the pill after waking up? What if I get HCV and can't be cured because I'm the few who are very unlucky? What if I get 'drug-resistant' syphilis or gonorrhea? What if the hepatitis b vaccines don't protect me because nothing in the world is 100 percent safe? And there are times when the masseur liked to place his penis directly on my anus unprotected and he always said it's just on the outside and I have never felt I have ever truly been penetrated unprotected. Still, I can't let go of 'What if there was accidental or slight penetration?', which leads me to repetitively put fingers on my anus to 'test' if doing so would lead to penetration or not. The reason I feel I have to do this is because of "what if it happens some time in the future?".

      There are always 'What-ifs' going on in my mind and I think them over and over to the point of fatigue. It has been so severe that now I'm considering being celibate. Despite this, I continue to think 'What if I can't be truly celibate?' Because deep down, I want to have sex. I want to go to massage parlors. But I can't calm my anxiety down. No sex is 100 percent safe no matter what precautions you take. It is so sad, but maybe if I just try to be strong and cut out sex completely, I would recover from this OCD? That would surely not be easy. I am so helpless. I can't live with uncertainty. It has been over a year since my last sex and I still have extreme anxiety. I don't know anymore what I should do.

[CurfewX]

I really don't think that lifelong celibacy is the answer, unless that is a condition you otherwise desire to exist.  It doesn't sound like that's what you want.  Also, if you understand how OCD works, you'll know that becoming celibate will (possibly) eliminate your fears about STDs and HIV, but your mind will find something else to obsess over.  It isn't sex that's the problem - it's your mind's fear of getting a disease. The cycle won't end until you're able to get proper help for your condition, which should include counseling.  I'm sorry you were shoved out the door with no counseling.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/obsessive-compulsive-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20354432
Read over that article, and then try approaching your doctor again with your concerns.  If your doctor does not listen or understand, try a different doctor.