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Is this HOCE OR DENIAL???
Hi, I am 18 years old and a senior in high school. For the last two years, I have been experiencing intrusive gay thoughts. Which is driving me crazy because I have liked girls and only girls my whole life. But the more I have these thoughts, the more real they feel. From the time I wake up in the morning until the time I go to bed I am thinking gay thoughts, These thoughts terrify me and to make matters worse, recently I have started feeling arousal to these thoughts. It has gotton so bad, that I am afraid to turn on the TV fearing I will think a guy is attractive or that I will get aroused by a guy. Its like I know I am sexually attracted to girls and can remember the first time I masturbated thinking of one. I have had crushes on girls, I have checked girls out, so why am I having these thoughts and feeling this arousal?? ITS DRIVING ME INSANE BECAUSE I CANT GET THESE THOUGHTS OUT OF MY HEAD. so bottom line is do u guys think this is HOCD OR AM I IN DENIAL?? I have posted on other HOCD forums and have gotton no responses so any response will be appreciated. Thank you if u have read this far :)
Hi Im a 13 year old girl and its taken me a while to do this. I love guys. I've only ever had crushes on guys, I want a husband and to get married to a guy and to have kids with him. I always have opposite sex fantasies and i rarely ever have them about girls. I get aroused by lesbian porn and straight porn. I have never had a crush on a girl or wanted to be with one.This all started about a month ago when I couldn't stop looking at girls boobs.It was like I was being draw to them and I felt uncomfortable doing it. The other day a random thought popped into my head 'am i in love with my friend?' Which I know im not because the crushes I have are completely different to that. She just kept popping into my mind and I feel like i can't talk to her anymore. She is a good friend we have lots in common and shes one of my only friends (im bullied and very insecure so i tend to cling onto any friends). I told my mum about this and she said that no matter what I become she will always love me, this didn't seem to relieve any anxiety. Im constantly depressed and I keep looking for websites that tell you that you're gay and quizzes and things. My friends were talking about a celebrity they thought was hot girl) I just looked away and pretended I didnt hear in case they thought i was lesbian. I've had a few same sex experiences, me and my friends stuck our tongues out and they touched, I don't recall liking it.Also this girl came round to my house who I barely know and we played mums and dads, she took her shirt off and told me to get in bed with her so I did but got out straight away because it didn't feel right and I didnt want anyone seeing. I just want to love guys again before this all started I was always trying to get close to them. I was at the theatre with my class and there was this boy I liked next to me and I was trying to get close to him and him to put his arm around me (when we were in year 3 him and me held hands underneath the table which I loved :} ) I have had a boyfriend in the past it was long distance but i loved him soooo much! I was really upset when we broke up. I just want to be straight again as i hate this so much. this constant anxiety and depression is taking over my life. Interfering with my relationships with friends and family. I have a few bi friends who came out but im not sure if that made me think im gay happiness is no longer in my life and i told my mum i think i might have ocd and she laughed so i don't think i'll be going to a therapist . Please help! Sorry for rambling
Thanks :}
Thanks :}
it wouldn't be ocd if it didn't feel real there's a part of our minds it works for the ocd sufferers in an abnormal way so it changes memories so if you remembered something from the past you may not get aroused but the part of mind changes our memories and feelings to make it feel almost real
Thank you for your response I will try my best to take your advice. Its juss these feelings feel so real...... I guess I just have to train my mind to see them as fears and not reality.
You know it is kind of like telling somebody "don't think of a purple elephant" and what do they do...they think of a purple elephant. OCD is a mind game that we play on ourselves. Even when we are not consciously thinking of these things they are there lurking in our subconscious. That is why people wake up with panic in the middle of the night. The arousal if it really is arousal is just another part of the bigger picture. You are going to overanalyze everything...did I feel something, was it real, did I like it, and on and on. I will tell you that I look at other women my age all the time. I compare myself to them. I notice how their jeans fit, how their hair looks, if they are thin, etc and I'm not gay.
As far as your parents go, why not tell them a bigger picture in that you have anxiety and you are having problems dealing with it. Tell them that you worry about different things during the day and that it has been going on for a while and that you would like to see somebody. Or conversely you could start with your school counselor. Everything you tell him or her is confidential and you may be surprised at how talking things out with a professional helps.
As far as your parents go, why not tell them a bigger picture in that you have anxiety and you are having problems dealing with it. Tell them that you worry about different things during the day and that it has been going on for a while and that you would like to see somebody. Or conversely you could start with your school counselor. Everything you tell him or her is confidential and you may be surprised at how talking things out with a professional helps.
Thankyou for responding. I was reading some posts in a different HOCD forum and I see that you are willing to help a lot of teens with this situation. As for my situation, what does this arousal mean?? its like I hate thinking these thoughts and im terrified of them but sometimes I still get aroused or feel a tickle sensation down there. In your opinion, what does this mean?? could it mean im gay or bi?? I do not want to be bi either. I have heard of "false arousal" and wonder if that is what is going on. As for my parents, I am scared to discuss this with them because they might think Im gay.
Hi there. I see you have looked on the forum so you know that just about every post is about HOCD so that right there should tell you that it is a very common irrational fear for a lot of people.
I'm not a psychologist but rather just another OCD sufferer but I will share with you what I think and you can go from there. First of all I think that whether we are gay or not is based in our genetics. I think we are born gay or we are not. Having said that and seeing that for you girls have been the turnon, I have to say that I don't think you are gay.
My own OCD started when I was a teenager. Oh sure there were little things along the way but for some reason around your age is when things went downhill for me. Stress makes it worse. You are finishing up high school, going to probably go off to college and who wants to take this crap with them...nobody does.
The thoughts a person with OCD comes up with are horrifying thoughts. Things that would be horrifying to us. You could probably care less whether someone is is gay or not but for you to be gay, that is horrifying. The key is to take the fear out of the thought. So if you said out loud right now, "I'm gay" would you then want to run out and get a boyfriend and be intimate with him? I'm thinking not and if the answer is no, then you cannot possibly be gay.
OCD is sourrunded by doubt as well which is why we feel the need to "test" ourselves. You don't want to see a guy because what if you might think something "gay" about him. the truth is we compare ourselves to the same sex all the time but you just didn't notice it before as being a problem. Now that you have this thought in your head, you have taken what is actually a very normal thing and catastrophized it into your worst nightmare.
So my suggestion to you is this. Since you did say you wake up with this thought and have it all day I'm sure that you are not getting much school work done so I believe it is time for professional help. OCD doesn't mean we are crazy...I am not diagnosing you but just guessing this is what you have. It just means we have a chemical imbalance in our brains that means we either have to adjust it by changing the way we think or via medication. Bottom line is you need to see a psychologist so that you can learn to help yourself overcome these thoughts. The last thing you want to do is "test" by looking at gay porn or something like that...just makes the situation worse.
Do you have good lines of communication with your parents that you feel you can discuss your fears with them so that they can find you a psychologist to see?
I'm not a psychologist but rather just another OCD sufferer but I will share with you what I think and you can go from there. First of all I think that whether we are gay or not is based in our genetics. I think we are born gay or we are not. Having said that and seeing that for you girls have been the turnon, I have to say that I don't think you are gay.
My own OCD started when I was a teenager. Oh sure there were little things along the way but for some reason around your age is when things went downhill for me. Stress makes it worse. You are finishing up high school, going to probably go off to college and who wants to take this crap with them...nobody does.
The thoughts a person with OCD comes up with are horrifying thoughts. Things that would be horrifying to us. You could probably care less whether someone is is gay or not but for you to be gay, that is horrifying. The key is to take the fear out of the thought. So if you said out loud right now, "I'm gay" would you then want to run out and get a boyfriend and be intimate with him? I'm thinking not and if the answer is no, then you cannot possibly be gay.
OCD is sourrunded by doubt as well which is why we feel the need to "test" ourselves. You don't want to see a guy because what if you might think something "gay" about him. the truth is we compare ourselves to the same sex all the time but you just didn't notice it before as being a problem. Now that you have this thought in your head, you have taken what is actually a very normal thing and catastrophized it into your worst nightmare.
So my suggestion to you is this. Since you did say you wake up with this thought and have it all day I'm sure that you are not getting much school work done so I believe it is time for professional help. OCD doesn't mean we are crazy...I am not diagnosing you but just guessing this is what you have. It just means we have a chemical imbalance in our brains that means we either have to adjust it by changing the way we think or via medication. Bottom line is you need to see a psychologist so that you can learn to help yourself overcome these thoughts. The last thing you want to do is "test" by looking at gay porn or something like that...just makes the situation worse.
Do you have good lines of communication with your parents that you feel you can discuss your fears with them so that they can find you a psychologist to see?
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