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Is this hocd or I am denying my homosexuality?

Around 7-8 months ago I started feeling like I am gay.

Before that I liked to think about woman and girls very much. I have sexual and romantic thoughts about women and girls almost 24hr, I enjoyed it and liked it.

But in September I started feeling like I am gay.

After that I had anxiety fear of meeting males. My anxiety was very serious, it was like a hamer on my chest.

For 6 day my anxiety was almost gone and I was feeling like I am not gay anymore, I had thought about female both sexual and romantic and I also had erection. I was feeling good. But even then I was feeling like I am gay(little bit).
After 5-6 day I was again feeling like I am gay, it lasted for 8-9 day(approximately). And after that(8-9 day) again I started having thought about woman(sexual and romantic).

This cycle continues till this day. It was more like an episode of hocd and anxiety caused by it and then it almost normal.

I don't like the thought about males I don't want to have them. I want to have thought about female.

Another thing is I would like to add is recently when I have thought about male I don't like it(I don't want them) but it give me erection and some time feeling of erection.

And when I am looking at a female I like but very soon a thought hits me like a truck, that thought is "you are gay" and my attraction is gone.

When ever I try to look at female images(that are lewd) if it doesn't cause erection as soon as I have seen it, it give me anxiety.

Sometimes I have thought like "what is wrong in being gay" , "you can be gay". I don't like these kind of thoughts.

I don't know what caused it. But the first time I had this doubt was, when I was watching an anime, in that anime I just felt that I like this guys(even thou it was is not true because I like female characters more than that male character)

That's all I can tell about how it started.

1 Responses
Avatar universal
You don't say if you are sexually active, meaning actively engaged with dating and the like.  Erections don't come whenever one is aroused.  They are more random than that.  It's only useful at any rate if you're about to have sex.  What determines if you are gay or not is your actions, not your thoughts, really.  If you always date women and never try with a man, you aren't gay.  What you are probably suffering from is anxiety and sexual insecurity, which is very common to have at least once in a life.  If you're truly gay or bisexual, you will find out because you will eventually act on it.  If you're not, you won't.  If you do engage in heterosexual activity and it never works for you, you might be gay.  But that could also be insecurity and anxiety.  HOCD isn't really a thing, it's just a description of obsessing over ones sexuality, and again, most of us do this at some point or another, especially following a bad break-up, but it is something humans think about.  Like we think about the weather or whether we think it might be better to be a vegetarian.  It's only when our thoughts bother us to the point our lives are disturbed, as yours is, that it's a problem.  If it's something interfering with your life, therapy is a good place to go explore it and why you are feeling insecure about your sexuality.  Gay people usually figure out they're gay.  Confused people are usually anxious.  Peace.
5 Comments
I want to marry a woman  and I am even attracted towards them(women/female) but when ever I look at a woman for some reason I feel like I am gay.

Anyway, Is it possible that if one is having anxiety(hocd) he will find hard to be aroused by a woman.


Anyway can I be bisexual
I want to marry a woman  and I am even attracted towards them(women/female) but when ever I look at a woman(sexually) for some reason I feel like I am gay
"For some reason."  As I said, your actions determine who you are.   We all have thoughts.  Is it possible for you to be bisexual?  Sure, why not?  Doesn't mean you'll ever have sex with another man, but yeah, it's possible.  Orgasms feel good no matter how they come, right?  If you have anxiety, and this isn't hocd, you're trying to label yourself not fix a problem, yes, it can interfere with performance whether you're with a woman or a man or even trying to have sex with yourself.  Depends on how strong the anxiety is.  What you're really talking about there is sexual insecurity about performance, and yes, if it gets strong enough, it can affect you.  I don't know why you feel you are gay, but if you're not, it's a manifestation of insecurity.  If you are gay, you'll know, because relations with women won't work and relations with men will.  You might want to think if something happened that could cause you to question your sexuality.  And if it's so bad it affects performance, you'd probably want to see a therapist and fix it.  Peace.
"You might want to think if something happened that could cause you to question your sexuality"?

That's a mysterious even to me.

All I know was how it started was when I started watch a ANIME.  And there was a male character that I for some reason felt that I am attracted to him. Before that I used to get normal thoughts about homosexuality, I might be gay but it didn't affected me because I used to have thought about woman(sexual and romantic and erection too) no problem for me.

But all of a sudden I felt attracted to male anime character. Which I know is false because I am not attracted to male.

Even now I am not attracted to anyone but I am also not attracted to any female(or I think I am not attracted to any female).

I am sacred to look at male, sacred to touch them, when ever I look at them it feel like I am gay andi start have anxiety.

I even sacred to look at female think I wouldn't be attracted to them and get no erection when I am look at them sexually.

Some time I have some thoughts like I am gay and there is no problem in it and then I realize what I am think, and it gives me anxiety.

So time it feels like I am denying my homosexuality.

By touch I mean normally and mistaken touch. Like when to take change of money or exchange something. You can touch each other.
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