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OCD & my hiv paranoia

About 5 weeks ago I had an encounter where my friends brother followed me into a restroom at a party & we kissed briefly. Since then, I have been making myself crazy thinking I have contracted hiv & that I am going to die. I haven’t been able to concentrate at work & was actually out for 2 weeks because of it. I’ve been getting tested constantly even though trained professionals have told me not to. I am so bad in my anxiety & paranoia that I started to believe that something else happened, like sexually that maybe I just cannot remember & demanded that my friends brother get tested which he did not because he stated we just kissed so there is no reason to. I started thinking maybe for a split second something so terrible happened that I cannot remember because I had a few beers & that maybe I was sexually assaulted or raped & just cannot remember. I know these things are not true & I remember everything that happened that night but my imagination is getting the best of me. Can someone tell me what I can do to relieve some of this pain? I just want to feel normal again, enjoy my life & get back to work. Right now nothing makes me happy, I am constantly googling things & I am ruining my friendships because all I can do is talk about this situation. Please help
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3159640 tn?1430907300
As a fellow OCD sufferer, I cannot give you reassurance.  Even if I did, you will still find a way to be anxious about this situation.  The best thing is to stay off Google, let your mind and heart calm down over time, and accept the very unlikely risk that you could have contracted hiv by kissing.  Your worried OCD mind is making up other what if scenarios based on fear.  I go through this all the time, constantly worried what if this happened and what if that happened.  It is so frustrating, but I always find given time the worry goes away if I do nothing about it.
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Thank you, I just cry & cry because I feel so trapped in my mind. My imagination has gotten the best of me & I feel like no one understands this. People just think I’m crazy or on drugs from making something out of nothing because it was just a kiss. My own mom asks if I was sexually assaulted because she doesn’t understand why I am taking this so seriously but it’s my imagination that is making me like this.
I have similar OCD but it is related to needles from getting blood drawn. I think seeking reassurance is main cause of the issue. I am trying to combat my OCD is stop searching on net and only to rely on doctors.
I have decided that I will only get tested when my doctor will ask me. Otherwise I will not think about it. I believe this will take practice to train mind not think in that pattern.
Avatar universal
I have a similarly overactive imagination and I feel trapped in my mind as well. I constantly seek reassurance that I'm a good person. My ocd fear is hell and I get terrified I am going there. Can't stop asking what if I go? What if I'm lost there forever all alone and no one can help me? I am trying to get through this but it's been a year now of the same.
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