OCD MAKING ME CRAZY. Help???

[OCD_Otter]

Hello,

I am currently suffering from an extreme case of OCD. At one point I guess I technically qualify under the 'hand washer/germaphobe' category, but at the same time I don't, because I am not afraid of germs in general. I am only (deathly) afraid of the essence, the touch, the 'germs' of one person in particular, and the environment that he inhabits. It's my boss. He is the worst kind of person I have ever dealt with; he has made my workplace very hostile and practices in discrimination, but I can't really stop him because he and I work for the government and let's just say things work a little differently here than in a public work establishment. But anyways, aside from being this bigoted, overly intrusive mind-game-playing mother****, he is also so...smelly. Even his touch is greasy; he leaves a greasy hand print or finger print on anything he touches, and because of that, for some reason I am deathly afraid of having his smell, essence, 'germs' what have you in my house and on my things and in my car when I leave work and come back, etc. and the hand washing and disinfecting has completely taken over my life. I feel like if I touch something that has touched something that has come from my work place, which in effect means that it comes from 'him' that I'm 'contaminated' with his touch, his essence, his germs. I'm not afraid of the germs from anyone else, just him and those that have come in contact with him or anything that he touched or anything that touched something that was touched by him. The thought of having his essence or germs on me or my things repulses me to no end and I just want to know if what I'm afraid of is real or if germs in general die after a while? Truth is, I used to have OCD before, but it was different from this kind and I have in a sense cured myself from it. I cured it the first time by (accidentally) proving to myself that what I was afraid of then was not real. Once that happened, everything almost changed overnight and I got a life of my own. I was free and healthy. And when I started to notice my hand washing after getting hired by this a*****, I thought I could just do what I did the first time: discredit what I was afraid of and be rid of it. But when I looked online to see if germs die, all I got were answers that seemed to validate what I was afraid of, not disprove it. The best I could find had conflicting answers. Some say germs die within seconds, some say they die in weeks, months, and even years. I once read an article that said some germs live over a hundred years! I know that there is a kernel of truth to what I'm afraid of (hence the difficulty of getting rid of the OCD, since you can't get rid of the OCD without getting rid of what you're afraid of) so I just need to know; I know germs are everywhere, but will HIS germs ever get off of me or my stuff in my house? If his essence, his germs are on me and my things, will they ever die? Can my germs eat his germs in a sense? Please let me know...and just so you know, I am trying to see a therapist about this, but my insurance is making it really difficult for me to get one so I might not be able to, and I DON'T need medication; I just need PROOF that his germs won't last long on me or my stuff...or just proof that what I'm afraid of is real or not. Please?? Be as factful and specific as possible please...please, I'm BEGGING! I want this nightmare to end! :*(

P.s I alologize in advance for any typos or misspellings in this question

[JGF25]

I cannot tell you if his germs will ever get off of you or your stuff.  I don't think that is really the problem here and that is what you have to realize.  You are stressed I would think in this work environment and this stress has led you down the OCD pathway...again.  You are looking for closure on something that you can't get closure on and when OCD people can't get closure, then we are all over the place kind of crazy with our mind.  

Does your work have a staff assistance program where you can see a therapist for a few sessions to help you?  Also, it seems to me that you should probably look for a lateral move within your governmental agency so that you can get away from this boss that you hate working for.