Suffering from extreme anguish from a trigger stemming from a recent extreme bisexual fetish fear

[monsieurb54]

[[[Just to clarify before people read this: I am a straight male and I've never thought sexually about men before, nor any body part of males for any sexual interest -- but because I was able to get myself turned on by a couple things, that I could become a bisexual foot fetishist -- I started looking at the stuff because I developed an obsession with that fear and the pictures/interest became an OCD "trigger]]]

I have a problem that I have been dealing with for over a month now, and I'm looking for help and advice, as I have been extremely miserable for nearly the entire period:

I am a male guy with OCD (diagnosed last year) and I have a female foot fetish, and near the end of last January when I was masturbating, I had the split-second thought to masturbate while thinking of male feet for a short bit. That action shocked me, and I decided to push forth by going to a male foot fetish site and trying to masturbate to pictures of male feet that night to see if I really felt anything, and I didn't really. For the next 3 or so days, I had some light anxiety, but nothing major.

During the next couple weeks, I would masturbate to a male foot fetish site because there were one or two pictures that DID give me a sexual reaction (though most of the pictures I ended up losing my erection to when I masturbated to them). I think the sexual reaction was partly due to the nervousness and tension of doing something "kinky" like that.

This February, there reached a point where I was masturbating to such pictures quite a bit because it gave me a tiny bit of a sexual rush and also because I was attempting to "expose" myself to a lot of it (a la cognitive behavioral therapy), and there soon reached a point where I was so consumed with misery that I immediately determined that I HAD to avoid (a ritual of mine when I have unpleasant OCD feelings) to get rid of the pain. Three weeks of 100% avoidance of looking at any pictures and thinking of anything regarding sexual thoughts of male feet and I felt great again.

So I have an appointment scheduled for this Friday with my cognitive therapist from last year, and when I woke up Monday I felt THAT anguish feeling again: extreme misery, no appetite, no desire to do anything fun, crying, etc., because of the anticipation of my doctor having me do cognitive-behavioral therapy to engross myself in these male feet site/pictures/thoughts/etc.

So here's the situation: I am STRAIGHT, and I NEVER had a single sexual thought for male feet before, but when I continued masturbating to the online male feet pictures to further "exposure", a FEW of them got me off a tiny bit, while the rest I lost my erection to.
My question is: what would you recommend as a strategy to combat this?

I see only two (other than full-scale avoidance): #1 completely engrossing myself in such male feet pics and thoughts to numb myself to them #2 get myself to CALM DOWN and STOP OBSESSING about whether I like male feet or not (and I don't, except that a few pictures were able to get me off - but I honestly think that was probably due to nervousness and a feeling of doing something kinky). I honestly believe this whole anxiety/anguish/pain is being caused by extreme obsession that has snowballed out of control since last January when I first decided to masturbate to the thought of male feet.

I really don't want to do #1, because if I numb myself to the male feet pictures and I no longer get anxiety, then I'm afraid of adding those one or two pics to my masturbation material (I'm aware that sounds lame). I really feel that I just need to do #2...just get myself to calm down and ONLY think of those thoughts or go to that pic(s) if and when I need to, instead of bombarding myself with pics when I don't personally want to have a male foot fetish picture as something I regularly masturbate to.

I understand this is a lengthy and probably confusing post, but I'm just looking for some advice. I've been so miserable the past couple months with extreme anguish/anxiety because of this (I lost 12 pounds in 2.5 week from lack of appetite/eating, and I love to eat normally), so if anyone has any advice on whether they think #1 or #2 is best, I'd appreciate it so much.

Thanks so much.

[Link37]

Dude, you gotta chill out about it.  You aren't gay, you aren't bi and there is nothing wrong with you.  You just like feet.  A LOT of people do.  I know I do.  So take a deep breath and enjoy your fetish.  There's NOTHING wrong with you. You're gonna be A-OK.  Peace!

[monsieurb54]

EDIT:

To elaborate finally, my major source of anguish/anxiety is this:

I KNOW that I COULD get rid of the anguish feeling if I exposed myself to the source of the anguish for a while (the male feet sites/pics), BUT if I were to do so, I would be afraid that now I would be open to masturbate to those pics at will since there would be no anguish -- and yet I don't want to do so because I don't wanna even have a tiny crumb of bisexuality in my fetish, and so that thought brings MORE anguish and I feel like I'm in an unescapable trap of anguish, misery, and anxiety where I either have to avoid 100% or engross 100% and then accept any consequences that go with it like being open to masturbating to the few male feet pics that give me a small sexual reaction.

I think I'm suffering from aggressive obsessional thoughts and fears about this. I think what I need to do is "stop overthinking things, and let my thoughts carry me along no matter what, and don't push things". That's the advice I read from someone.

Again, any feedback on this would be so so helpful. Thanks so much.