Told forever i'm adhd, but I think i'm ocd.

[GDSmith]

Ever since I was a little kid i've been told I was ADHD, because of nervous habits and general weirdness. I was on ridalin, some other stuff; nothing really worked for me. I didn't finish high school, and I still have general weirdness about me and my life. The more I learn though, I think I have OCD. The nervous habits seem typical OCD behavior but not a real tell, having to move around and drumming fingers or whatever. I have issues with picking at my skin, zits, but what i'm wondering about the most is this weird thing I do.

I wave my hands in front of my face. I don't know how to explain it so it makes sense, but i'm all the time having to pass my hand (even now) in front of my eyes and like... see it pass through my vision a certain way. I don't always do it, and do it unconsciously a lot and try to disguise it in gestures like just scratching my face or whatever. It seems to happen the most  when i'm alone or not preoccupied, it acts up but not always.

I always thought my issues were ADHD related even though I didn't totally take into that type so not everything made sense to me. But I think i'm mildly OCD, and I think my symptoms are getting worse as I get older. I have doubt issues and social issues and other things... I dunno. My question is really, I mean, what do I do now? What am I supposed to do about this? I don't like having to do this crap that doesn't make any sense, even if it isn't effecting my life in a big way. I think it really effects the way I think.

[myenzoorka]

I was definitely not trying to imply that you have Asperger's - and I'm sorry I came off that way.  I was more trying to show that there are other disorders that have similar symptoms to what you were explaining.  Although, some of the symptoms you mentioned are definitely typical ADHD - having to move around, drumming fingers (any restless behavior - my ADHD husband shuffles poker chips ALL the time).  You mentioned you don't have problems with empathy or communication... and that should be mentioned to a professional (while trying to explain you don't think you have ADHD.)  Because ADHD definitely includes lack of empathy and communication problems, but not to the degree that autism spectrum disorders do.  Then again, I know many ADHD people who think their communication skills are excellent and they don't see their lack of empathy for others.  Daydreaming is incredibly common for ADHD.  Personally, though, I don't know any ADHD people who have a lot of violent thoughts or daydreams.  That's why I think you should see a professional... you may have more than just one thing going on - and a professional will be able to recognize what's going on with you best.

[GDSmith]

I looked into it, and this is a little excerpt. Maybe I do need a professional too figure me out, but I don't think this sounds like me.

"Impaired social reactions are a key component of Asperger's syndrome. People who suffer from this condition find it difficult to develop meaningful relationships with their peers. They struggle to understand the subtleties of communicating through eye contact, body language, or facial expressions and seldom show affection towards others. They are often accused of being disrespectful and rude, since they find they can’t comprehend expectations of appropriate social behavior and are often unable to determine the feelings of those around them. People suffering from Asperger's syndrome can be said to lack both social and emotional reciprocity."

I really don't have these problems with empathy or communication that seem to be the key thing with Asperger's. But then i'm 26; maybe i've just learned to walk around these problems?

[myenzoorka]

Honestly, I don't really know a lot about OCD.  I did notice, though, that some of your symptoms are similar to symptoms my sister has.  She has been diagnosed with ADHD and Asperger's (form of autism).  I really think you should find someone who can listen to you and find a diagnosis that will hopefully make more sense to your situation.  Once that can get accomplished, they will be able to help you manage these symptoms better.

[GDSmith]

Just an update, i've read some more. I have violent thoughts and day dreams all the time, but I didn't know it wasn't normal really. I've played out horrible things happening to the people I care about and how I would deal with it, and i've played out day dreams that I really didn't like. It's like I can't really control the flow of my thoughts, I just follow a chain of thoughts through to the end no matter how terrible some of the things I think about are. Damn, these posts are really wordy; I apologize for that. It's late and I think i'm getting depressed, just waiting for a reply I guess.