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Trans-OCD / HOCD, Porn Addiction, Anxiety or real issues? I'm scared.

So im a 28yr old guy and my recent fear is Transgender-OCD...
I used to be happy being me and i enjoyed my puberty and being a guy (beard, low voice, growing bigger, being affirmed as masculine, being a dad, cool guy etc.)... but now im starting to doubt that too and i get weird anxiety when i try to think about anything revolving manhood..

The most tricky part is that i have this weird sexual fetish or whetever ive had for many years now about me being a woman / feminine and i hate it.. apart from a few submissive fantasies, I used to have only vanilla straight fantasies in my puberty, had sex many times and relationships with women and i loved it.. but now i feel like something is hijacking me and i dont get hard properly to the stuff i used to enjoy...
Now i must mention i have had porn-addiction issues since i was 13 and only recently have i tried to quit properly.. my tastes have escalated from vanilla stuff to weirder stuff, recently things revolving around this weird fetish... and now when i try to test myself if i get hard to women, i usually do but its more of a struggle than before.. it scares me so much, wtf is going on.. i hope this is just some porn escalation issue or performance anxiety inhibiting me from enjoying myself properly as a straight guy like before...

I never ever questioned my gender or had any wishes to be a woman up until when i first got Trans-OCD... now i doubt myself all the time and i hate these thoughts i get telling me im feminine, act feminine, want to be a woman in real life and that i dont enjoy being a guy... and these weird arousals... they scare me... i feel depressed and unmotivated about all of this.. i feel like my brain is controlling me and making me become something i havent been before...  sometimes my thoughts say "you feel good about these thoughts" and sometimes i dont feel anxiety... that worries me too...

I hope it will get better... I am in CBT-therapy and doing noFap (taking a break from porn and masturbation to hopefully restore my normal sexuality).. id be ok if i just went back to the state where i have a few of these odd fantasies and mostly straight vanilla fantasies... i could try to accept that.. but this... this brings me down...

Is there hope? Can anyone relate?

Thanks!
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973741 tn?1342342773
Well, I do think watching porn frequently can cause our brain to shift a bit.  Because that constant stimulation has to go further.  You get bored with same old and need something 'new'.  I'm glad you are trying to get away from it.  How is that going? Not that porn is bad except when too frequently watched to where the brain chemistry actually changes like it does with an addiction.  Some guys then have trouble being with a true partner because they are used to that visual stimulation of porn to get of.  

Fantasies.  Everyone has them. It's okay.  And they are often things we'd never act on.  Do you feel you really want to go there with this?  There is no shame in being trans although it is quite a lifestyle change and not everyone is accepting
(unfortunate).

There is definitely hope.  How long have you been in therapy?  
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