Worried about my 11 year old son

[480gemma2015]

is there anyone on here that could help me? For the last 4 weeks my son has been having sexual intrusive thoughts. They are terrifying him and is often saying Mam I can’t cope with them any more they are hurting me so much. He’s confessing to me for reassurance. I contacted the gp who referred him to a place called cahms only to receive a letter Saturday to say he dosnt meet the criteria? I’m so upset he’s such a loving and caring child I don’t know where to turn. I’ve reassured him over and over again but it’s just not working someone help me..

[specialmom]

Does your son qualify to see a therapist?  I'd start there.  Is he a danger to himself or others?  

[480gemma2015]

Not to others he’s a kind and caring boy and I think that’s why he’s getting upset. But he has said Mam I can’t cope another day with these thoughts I don’t want to live etc. I explained this to gp and still got nowhere

[Paxiled]

Fear of being gay comes from centuries of ingrained persecution of gay people.  It wasn't always like this but it has been for so long it's just a part of us.  We're doing better but it will take time.  Whether or not he is gay will be learned in time.  But if he's obsessing this much over it, again, a professional telling him most of us have such thoughts at some point might just fix it.  He sounds like he needs to see a therapist and soon.  

[Paxiled]

What your GP should have done is reassured your child.  You don't say what kind of thoughts, but age 11 isn't too young to have sexual thoughts.  What is most concerning is that the thoughts are terrifying him.  Why?  What kind of thoughts are they?  I got my first crush on a girl about that age, and pretty much every guy was having some sexual awareness at that age.  So the question is, again, why is he terrified by them?  That's the main issue.  This issue of intrusive thoughts has been gone over on this website a lot, and my opinion,  not shared by some others, is that this term is nonsensical.  All thoughts come out of nowhere so all of them are intrusive.  Why do we think at all?  We're all full of thoughts.  The problem is when those thoughts drive harmful action or make us miserable, and so the problem isn't that he's thinking but that he's terrified by thinking.  If they're just the normal sexual thoughts people start getting as they get older, your doc should have told your son it's perfectly normal.  Often that professional saying that fixes things.  But if they are not the normal thoughts and are instead actually disturbing thoughts, that's a different situation and I don't see how an App is going to fix that.  For that he needs to seek some counseling.  Peace.

[480gemma2015]

the gp wasn’t very helpful to be honest she did apply for a referral to a place called cahms but they are not willing for him to be seen as he don’t meet criteria. They have given me other avenues as in school councillor. His thoughts started when he was out with his friends. He came home crying saying Mam I had a thought about having sex with my friend and I’m scared. The friend is male so then it was Mam am I gay for a solid 4 days it was constant. then he got upset because that thought escalated and it was everyone he was setting eyes on including family members. he’s confessing constantly and it feels like I’m feeding him. I’ve explained everyone has thoughts but we don’t hang on to them we leave them go.