hocd or am i gay

[dictator]

when i was a kid about ten years old i had homsexual experiences i cant remember whether i liked them or not. so a year ago i liked this girls alot. she rejected me without a second thought and it seemed i would never find another girl. so after one month i was with one of my freinds who was a boy and suddenly i thought why do you want to kiss him after that it went away. but after a few days it came again and a panick attack. then ir uled it of because i thought i was desperate.it went away and i got to school and one of my freinds made a comment it would be so funny if you came and said you are gay. because i idnt think being gay was right anyways that scared me and after awhile it went away then four months ago it came back severely i would see a guy *** and be afraid and ask questions like why are you looking there. then it got worse to the point i saw men doing it to men it was just scary. at that point i thought it cant be hocd anymore you must be gay. the thoughts really bothered me and i wasnt afraid and i found girls beautiful. then i saw this post that said i wanst gay a man who went through a similar thing. the post said use the fear surround yourself with guys and donot be afraid you are not gay. then the thoughts went away for like three weeks then one day i took this drug and i couldnt stop thinkin about it but this time the thoughts were not there and my mind was telling i was okay with being gay then i took to one of my gay freinds and she told me her story. how she didnt think girls guys are hot and her freinds would talk about it and she wouldnt see it. then i that started happening to me. i tried masturbating to guy and it didnt work i groianl movement but not an erection then i masturbated to girl and it worked. and i was sure i wasnt gay then after awhile it came back again this time i would see a guy and my mind would tell me you want to kiss him and i would see girl and think she is hot then my mind would tell me otherwise. i used to love girls and never questioned whether i liked them or not. but now i really think am gay and it scares me. i am scared what people would think of me but i also just dont want to be gay. ps i had experiences with girls and loved but now my brain is telling me otherwise. someone please help do i still ahve hocd or ma i gay.

[idontlikethis3188]

I felt. Relived when nothing happend . And so I went and watched lesbian porn I felt so happy  but hours later it came back  with the wholr you looked at it so you must be its mind games kid experiment. It's normal  I didn't  I guess I knew I wasn't in to that  so. Bit after years of Bering straight. I have doubtthat sometime feel real and sometimes you feel like your going mad. Go see a therapist for cbt. And I hope things work out for you .  You can all ways pm me

[idontlikethis3188]

PLEASE REMBER. I'M NOT A THERAPIST JUST MY EXPERIANCE
It's sounds akin to hocd .. like people have asked ne can you see yourdelf with a man having sex with a man if mo then your not gay . Looking at porn as I've learnt is a bad idea I looke at gay porn image's trying to get aroused and nothing  (I couldn't do it to video just doesn't seem right to me )