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Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Community
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Avatar universal

sexual intrusive thoughts

so i’m a 14 year old girl and i’ve recently been depressed because of intrusive thoughts. i think of everyone in a sexual way and this includes my family. i cant even be around them without thinking about it and it’s ruining me. i know i don’t actually want to **** my family but these thoughts won’t leave my brain. and i had a couple incidents with my brother. he is severely autistic so he’s not responsive to these things mostly. like 4 or 5 years ago i didn’t know what a ball sack felt like??? so i just touched his, the whole thing only lasted like 5 seconds. the second is one i feel very guilty for. i had previously watched porn and knew i was into grinding, one day when no one was in the room i just sat on my brothers lap and grinded on him. i feel like **** just writing this. it didn’t do anything for me and it lasted legit like 2 seconds then i just got off. i was tempted to try again but i held myself back, plus my mom came in. this was 2-3 years ago. i also previously had dreams of performing sexual acts with family members. i feel horrible since i took advantage of his disability. idk what to do but i feel like ****, these thoughts and the guilt i have are controlling my life. since i’m not technically diagnosed with ocd this probably isn’t the right forum to post this to but here we go. i just don’t know where to go from here, help
1 Responses
Avatar universal
dear renny, you are too young to deal with this on your own and it may be good to seek help from a professional.  Perhaps you could tell your mom you have an obsessive disorder that is making you miserable and taking over your life and that you cannot deal with it alone. You do not have to disclose details, and if you must tell her something but not exactly. I know it sounds like I am advising you to lie to her but a white lie is a better so that she gets a professional for you to talk to than you to continue to deal with this on your own. I feel for you and hope that you will find the courage to seek help.  A professional keeps all conversations confidential and will not judge you. This is a phycological condition, so please do not judge yourself.  I know you feel terribly guilty and you think you are a horrible person, but think of it as a disease.  Would someone judge you if you had a medical condition, say you had chronic  asthma.  An obsessive behavior or thinking is also a medical condition and it is not by your fault.  I speak by experience and urge you to find help before this condition affects your life any further. It is a devastating condition indeed and must be dealt with.  Please reply and let me know you are ok and that you will think about asking for help.  
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