H-OCD...need help!!

[John0012]

ok...im 18 years old and have always been attracted to women. always. i am actually one of those people that have always felt uncomfortable around gays and have not been very fond of the gay status. i play sports and have never been the feminon type. i also have a family history of ocd. my mom has it and is constantly checking the stove, asking if she has lost weight and where at until she gets a good enough answer, yanking on doors to make sure they are locked, turning lights on and off until it feels perfect, etc. i also have ocd. i am always needing reassurance with everything, stair in the mirror to see if my body is good enough for me until i finally agree that it does, making sure my teeth are white enough, etc.

to the point, a week ago, i all the of the sudden noticed these symptoms of HOCD coming in my mind. i have done the research and everything i feel matches with what everyone says HOCD is. getting the stupid gay images in my head, worrying if im gay, the "checking" method, EVERYTHING that people say happens has basically happened to me. but im positive im not gay cuz i have never even thought about being gay or being attracted to men. i have had the same symptoms before like over 2 years ago but thought right off the bat wow thats stupid and ignored it and it went away. and went back to my, excuse my language, checking out, hitting on, being attracted to, and having and enjoying sex with girls. im the perfect description of someone that just loves women. if you would ask any of my friends what i love most they would say sports, partying, and women. i just cant get these stupid images out of my head and they arent pleasant. i have done research and it says when you are gay you arent really ashamed just scared. but that you "lie in bed at night thinking about men and a perfect man for you". i dont do that. every thought that comes into my head about being gay IS NOT pleasant. i hate it. its making me eat less, gives me less drive to do anything, and i havent been around friends as much. it has scared me so bad that i have constantly gotten on my knees and prayed to god while balling my eyes out praying for it to go away. and its only been a week! im going crazy!

i know that people will just say "get therapy". well i feel like i had a little HOCD problem before just like a lot of people but it went away cuz of my drive to stop thinking about it. so why cant i do that now? i would love to get some help from a doctor on here on not only what is going on but what i can do to stop it. i know im not gay.i read something that said if you know your not gay then your not, if you have loved women your whole life then it just doesnt change out of the blue to where you love men. i cant even believe i am on here honestly! im sure this will go away and i will one day have a beautiful wife with kids and a good job, but for now i need help and dont want this to haunt me for years or even my whole life! Please help ASAP!

[rainwave]

Whats the worst thing that can happen if you are gay. We know you are not. We know the ocd is talking smack in your brain. But who cares. Thats what you gotta think. Then the anxiety will subside.

[SIDMOM]

You sound petrified of being gay. So what if you are? I am not a doctor but am 45 yr old openly  gay woman who has 2 gay brothers and been around a ton of gay people. You remind me a lot of my brother. He is very social, good looking, athletic and dated a ton of girls but was scared to admit that he was most definately attracked to men. He missed out on many years of his happiness because of his refusal to accept reality. As I said, I am gay and before I realized I was gay I had never thought of "being gay", never sat around thinking of the perfect woman or was into the gay scene but I was attracked to woman and they provided a level of excitement and happiness that men could not. If you are attracked to men - you will always be attracked to men - the question is what will you do about - will you fight it for the rest of your life or will you find a way to accept it and move on with your best possible life. By the way - I have been happily partnered to the same person for 20 yrs and we have and 8 yr old and a very normal life - we just happen to be 2 women. Good luck. Life will be what you make it.  

[John0012]

and one more thing, how long does it take for the HOCD to go away if you just go consecutive days of thinking when the thoughts come up "hahaha oh ok im gay let me tell ya!"? i really dont want this to last for any longer and i was just curious. help from a doctor or someone who knows that they are talking about would be great!"