Aa
HOCD? Stressing me out
Hello. So all my life I've fancied girls, had crushes on them. But for some reason out of nowhere Ive been getting gay thoughts. Non-serious ones, they usually involve me thinking "am i gay?" randomly. Very rarely do I imagine myself kissing the same sex. I have a friend that I talk to most days, one of my best friends who Ive had weird thoughts of kissing, but the thoughts last maybe 2 seconds because I dont like them. But Ive never thought of sex with the same sex. I tried to watch gay porn just to test, but I could only watch a few seconds because I didnt like it. But sometimes when I do get these thoughts Ill sometimes get a sensation, never an erection or turned on but like a sensation. Now, there's this girl who I used to fancy, we stopped talking but I really want here to message me or talk to me again because we arent as close as we used to be, I really want to be with her. Which is what confuses me about these thoughts, I really wanna be with this girl but I get these weird thoughts which make me feel uncomfortable. So am I just suffering from HOCD? Please give me answers because I want to get rid of these horrible thoughts.
Thank you
Thank you
Ok well thats great to hear. You mind if I add this, its more detailed.
Alright. So Im gonna go straight to the point. Im 17 and I think I suffer from HOCD. My entire life Ive been attracted to women, Ive had crushes on girls ever since I was young and the only sex I want to marry, spend my life with is a woman. But for about 3 months out of nowhere I started to get gay thoughts like "Am I gay?" "Does that guy turn me on?". I know Im straight, Ive always believed Im straight, but when i masturbate I usually only watch lesbians, I prefer two girls rather than having a guy in the video. I tried looking at pictures of two men kissing but I gagged (no offence), but today I decided to experiment, I started to watch a girl pleasuring herself and got started but I switched to gay porn just to see, I ended up ejaculating but I felt terrible after, I felt ashamed and felt sick. Recently Ive been noticing more guys as attractive, never sexually but if i see a good looking dude Ill think to myself "Hes good looking" never "hot" or "sexy", but when I look at women its usually "hot" and "sexy". Ill also add when I was around 7-9 I used to play with dolls with my cousin who was a girl and she was 3 years younger, I was never and still am not into going outside riding bikes or playing sports, I enjoy sports, I love football and I will play with friends but Ive never really been the outside kinda person I like to play video games and go on the computer. Anyway, I used to play with dolls with her because I didnt wanna go out and ride bikes with her brother, I had WWE figures so I usually played with them and she had the dolls but sometimes I would play with her doll, never really dressed them up and stuff just played with them. But Im starting to think maybe thats because Ive always been a creative person, I like to make up stories and scenarios, I enjoy writting scripts so maybe thats why I enjoyed playing with dolls and figures? Also I enjoyed to dress up in costumes like Spider-Man ect to play. But although I was sorta feminine in that type of way, my crushes as a kid were always girls, I remember fancying Sarah Michelle Geller as Daphne in the Scooby Doo movie, or the pink power ranger.
But anyway, Im still a virgin but mainly because Im not really confident when it comes to talking to girls. I also have a friend in college who is straight but he acts gay, like he'll touch me on my thigh which I immediately shove away, or he will slap the other guys including myself's butt which I also hate, Ill swat his hand away immediately. But this HOCD thing is getting worse, Ill start to get concious about my walk, Ill try to walk "hard", like I wont sway my hands which I dont do anyway but Ill make sure I dont. Also when I do have sexual dreams with girls, sometimes my brain will replace the girl with a guy to mess with me, but i immediately stop thinking about it and Ill get a hot flush and a stomach ache.
I will admit, the vagina doesnt completely turn me on, Im more of a boobs and *** guy myself, although the vagina doesnt gross me out at all, I dont go crazy over it if you understand what I mean? Like, you hear some guys absolutely obssessed with it, but myself although it doesnt turn me off if you see it in porn, I dont go nuts over it like its the best thing ever, I much prefer a girl with a great *** and chest and a pretty face. But maybe thats because Im a virgin and havent really seen a vagina in real life.
Anyway, thats enough rambling, I think Ive explained myself pretty well, I hope this is just HOCD because I really dont want to be gay, I just dont want to be, I think homosexuality is wrong (no offence) and people should go with the opposite sex.
Thank you for reading!
Alright. So Im gonna go straight to the point. Im 17 and I think I suffer from HOCD. My entire life Ive been attracted to women, Ive had crushes on girls ever since I was young and the only sex I want to marry, spend my life with is a woman. But for about 3 months out of nowhere I started to get gay thoughts like "Am I gay?" "Does that guy turn me on?". I know Im straight, Ive always believed Im straight, but when i masturbate I usually only watch lesbians, I prefer two girls rather than having a guy in the video. I tried looking at pictures of two men kissing but I gagged (no offence), but today I decided to experiment, I started to watch a girl pleasuring herself and got started but I switched to gay porn just to see, I ended up ejaculating but I felt terrible after, I felt ashamed and felt sick. Recently Ive been noticing more guys as attractive, never sexually but if i see a good looking dude Ill think to myself "Hes good looking" never "hot" or "sexy", but when I look at women its usually "hot" and "sexy". Ill also add when I was around 7-9 I used to play with dolls with my cousin who was a girl and she was 3 years younger, I was never and still am not into going outside riding bikes or playing sports, I enjoy sports, I love football and I will play with friends but Ive never really been the outside kinda person I like to play video games and go on the computer. Anyway, I used to play with dolls with her because I didnt wanna go out and ride bikes with her brother, I had WWE figures so I usually played with them and she had the dolls but sometimes I would play with her doll, never really dressed them up and stuff just played with them. But Im starting to think maybe thats because Ive always been a creative person, I like to make up stories and scenarios, I enjoy writting scripts so maybe thats why I enjoyed playing with dolls and figures? Also I enjoyed to dress up in costumes like Spider-Man ect to play. But although I was sorta feminine in that type of way, my crushes as a kid were always girls, I remember fancying Sarah Michelle Geller as Daphne in the Scooby Doo movie, or the pink power ranger.
But anyway, Im still a virgin but mainly because Im not really confident when it comes to talking to girls. I also have a friend in college who is straight but he acts gay, like he'll touch me on my thigh which I immediately shove away, or he will slap the other guys including myself's butt which I also hate, Ill swat his hand away immediately. But this HOCD thing is getting worse, Ill start to get concious about my walk, Ill try to walk "hard", like I wont sway my hands which I dont do anyway but Ill make sure I dont. Also when I do have sexual dreams with girls, sometimes my brain will replace the girl with a guy to mess with me, but i immediately stop thinking about it and Ill get a hot flush and a stomach ache.
I will admit, the vagina doesnt completely turn me on, Im more of a boobs and *** guy myself, although the vagina doesnt gross me out at all, I dont go crazy over it if you understand what I mean? Like, you hear some guys absolutely obssessed with it, but myself although it doesnt turn me off if you see it in porn, I dont go nuts over it like its the best thing ever, I much prefer a girl with a great *** and chest and a pretty face. But maybe thats because Im a virgin and havent really seen a vagina in real life.
Anyway, thats enough rambling, I think Ive explained myself pretty well, I hope this is just HOCD because I really dont want to be gay, I just dont want to be, I think homosexuality is wrong (no offence) and people should go with the opposite sex.
Thank you for reading!
yes this is hocd a very common form of ocd, reassurances dont work in ocd, you have to consult a psychiatrist for medicines and for therapy you have to consult a psychologist, u can also do self help therapy from books like-
1)Overcoming Obsessive Thoughts: How to Gain Control of Your OCD by Christine Purdon
2)brain lock
3)Break Free from OCD: Overcoming Obsessive Compulsive Disorder with CBT
1)Overcoming Obsessive Thoughts: How to Gain Control of Your OCD by Christine Purdon
2)brain lock
3)Break Free from OCD: Overcoming Obsessive Compulsive Disorder with CBT
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Community
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Condoms are the most effective way to prevent HIV and STDs.
PrEP is used by people with high risk to prevent HIV infection.
