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HOCD and confusing arousal

I am a guy around 20, and I have been suffered Homosexual OCD(hopefully) for 1.5 years. It was once getting better but recently it spiked.
When those gay thoughts came to me, I read some information and I found my condition fit HOCD symptoms. I was always checking myself. about my reaction about both sex. I was getting better for sometime. But recently it's getting worse.
One day I saw a picture of one ancient greek statue of a naked man. Then I remembered that when I was very young(about 8-9 yo) I was curious about those human bodies and immitated their actions. But during the whole puberty my sexual imagination is about girls and always felt disgusting about gay sex. Then I was confused. There are two voices in my brain: one said that's just children's curiosity about his own body, the other said that indicates I'm always bi. I am freaked out by such thought. I started to watch some gay naked pictures and tested my arousal. I didnt get erection but I felt a strange urge to masturbate with it.  
What's worse, a few days later I watch a pornography of a transgirl(maybe). She(or he) looks pretty and has a pair of good-looking **** and feminine butt and legs... and then he took penis out and masturbated with moan of girl's voice. I felt I should do that with him and it feels like erection. I checked it and that didnt get hard or maybe a tiny bit. Then I thought I must get arousal to a penis and it means I'm gay. anxiety tortured me a few days that I could barely taste food and even retched and even thought of suicide. I want to know is that real arousal or is it normal for straight to enjoy futa porn?
So did HOCD cause fake arousal or something?I feel confused because sometimes I masturbate to comfort myself when I feel anxious or upset. So the anxiety caused me that I want to masturbate. I am confused that do I do it to relive or am I really horny about those homosexual things, though I watch straight/lesbian porn every time. Those anxiety makes me barely concentrate on anything.

Sorry for my ataxic writing, but at this point I remember something in my childhood. Back then I didnt the difference between boys' and girls' body and thought they only become different after growing-up. some time I worried I would grow breast and become a girl. But when I think of this now I think it will be great so I won't worry about s**t like do I like penises or do I like only mine.
Did HOCD twisted my memory?I think it even twisted my current feelings. I need help to explain all these s**t and I want to take back my old feelings.Helps will be greatly thanked.
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973741 tn?1342342773
That's hard. The thing is, thoughts aren't facts and we can think anything at all that we want and it is pretty harmless.  HOCD is a very common form of ocd and involves more than intrusive thoughts about homosexuality but all things sexual identity related. OCD lies and tricks us and makes us feel threatened. And then the compulsion sets in of trying to prove or disprove.  What experts say to do is to not push the thought away and do NOT research, seek info, overthink and analyze yourself.  Just have the thought. And say, ya. Okay. Whatever, an intrusive thought is here. Let the thoughts just be without giving them all this power. NOCD is a great website that specializes in this.  ERP or exposure response therapy is the gold standard of treatment and medication can help. *Also note. Arousal is physiological.  ANYTHING  can arouse you if it is sexual in nature and it doesn't indicate that you would participate in it for real. Our body reacts.
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Much thanks for your answer. I am feeling better and confident at this point I'm writing this. When I ask myself how i'm feeling I always pay too much attention on my reaction of both men and women. I guess that becomes an unconscious behaviour. Sometimes it freaks me out and I want to get rid of this.
When I read some HOCD sufferers and articles I knew my symptoms  are just like them and I can't be homosexual. But HOCD thought still hit me now and then. I am afraid that I can't get rid of it and that nightmare would last a lifetime. Even though I'm feeling good and confident now, I know I'm stuck in a loop that I will get anxious in a few days . Then I would do something for relief like searching the Internet or even abusing porns.
The way you get rid of it as just seeing them as random thoughts with no relevance and don't try to push them away. They are thoughts like any others. They can't hurt you.
I read some articles and it says that our brains would confuse real desire with fear of real desire. I find some similar situation. I've been kinda acrophobic and when I stand very high, I feel like jumping out, which always freaks me out. The situation is better now but I fail to do the same things about my HOCD fears.It seems not getting better.
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