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HOCD

I am a 19 year old  male adn latyley Ive been having doubts about my sexual orientation. Throughout my life, I have suffered from having fearfull thoughts: like death of a Family member, or my personal death. Along with these fears I get anxiety attaks, and sometimes I get depressed. I ve also been having self esteem issues all my life. I never find to be happy with my physical appearance, and this has been an issue that has been there all my life. I tend to admire other males appearance and wanted to be like them. Having acne problems made me feel ugly sometimes becuase it was an obssesion for my mom that I had acne. There are days where I feel ugly and other days I feel This turned me into a metrosexual guy. It sometimes depresses me when I realize that I care so much about my appearence because I feel that life is more than just that. Also, Ive allways been attracted to girls. Since a very young age, I wouyld experience sexual activ ities like masturbating and having sexual thoughts about girls. I had a couple of relationships, but I never had the maturity to view women as more than just a sexual being. I turned out to be a sexually obssesed male. Once I matured enough I started wanting to have relationships like freindships and stuff like that with girls and decided not to view them only in a sexual manner. I started to date girls that were hotter than before, and this made me kinda of piky with girls afterwards. I lways determine if a guy was good looking or not, but this never made me have thoughts about my sexuality. Latley Ive been having unwanted thoughts about men. This makes me not want to think of girls because I am depressed. I read about HOCD and I felt that I qualified  all of the symtoms. When I read about this I became alot more calm. It stills worry me because I dont know if this makes me calm, does that mean that I am accepting that I am gay. I still like girls and I miss wanting to have sex with them. I ve never felt sexually aroused by a male, but sometimes I feel like if I enjoy spending time with my male finreds, that that is a sign of me baing gay, and thats when I get worry again. PLease evaluate my situation and tell me what do you think. I normally get depressed and start gettting anxiety attracks. And if i dont get these attaks I get worried because it means that I am gay?
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Avatar universal
Well I just need some help. I think this is stupid. I know I'm straight always have always will be but these stupid gay thought come in and make me gay. I don't wanna be. The don't make me happy. I get anxiuos and scared and depressed whenever I start to convince myself that I'm gay. And then Ill finally go "fine your gay and its ok" but that doesn't help I still feel like ****. Then finally I go in straight and I know it and I feel better happy like I can go on with life. I've always been attracted to women no doubt about that.  I can remeber when I was 5 and I would get the Victoria secret magizines from my mom and I loved them. Just please Somone tell me am o gay or just hocd. And if I am gay do I have to be becaus I really don't wanna be.
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Avatar universal
i think the answer to your question is pretty obvious.

a straight guy is attracted to girls...a gay guy is attracted to guys...a bisexual person is attracted to both. sounds like if you're attracted to girls and have friendships with guys...you're obviously straight...right?
Helpful - 0
663428 tn?1225662414
Its completly normal to have weird thoughts like these. Most people are able to recognize this but others have increased fear about it. Dont worry, if you were gay you would know it.    As an expert, I feel that you do have OCD. My advice is to see a professional who can give you some relaxation tips to take your mind off these worries. I dont feel you are in danger but its best to resolve these issues before they take over your life. All the best.
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