Avatar universal

I can’t get over it.

I really have a hard time, I can’t smile eat drink or sleep even do my job right!
just a lot of bad ideas in my brain, I always got relieved for a minutes in a day and that’s is my only happy moments in my day then I got depressed again.
I have a phobia that’s I can’t get over, in January 2020 I have had sex with a woman, I tested for HIV and all STD after 14 months 3 times in 3 different labs, it’s all non reactive but I am still concerned and afraid I always find unrealistic thoughts, now I’m worried about a reused needle might have been used on me!  I tried to talk to a doctor but they aren’t a great help here in (Qatar) its always a busy schedules and the availabille ones aren’t a great help!
Can someone please help me I am really struggling
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Avatar universal
You are not describing OCD.  You are describing a phobia about HIV, which is common, and also a possibility you are in a job you don't like.  I would seek psychological help in therapy if one exists there more than a doctor.  Now, you may in fact have OCD, but you can't self-diagnose.  That's a very wealthy country, I'm guessing they do have therapists there if only for the people who come from other countries to work there.  If you can afford it, I think that's the best idea.  If that option doesn't exist, educate yourself as much as possible about how one actually gets HIV.  But I do think therapy is the best advise.
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What therapy you recommend me?
And The thing is I know how it’s transmitted.
Unprotected Sex + sharing needle drugs
I didn’t do any of these + I got tested multiple times and it’s all non reactive, I feel good about it I did my part! I did a mistake and got tested and it’s all good. That’s how I think and suddenly I got concerned about the needles it’s drive me crazy I don’t know if it’s guilt or shame, cause I have a really decent job in very wealthy country and I am taking good care of my family back in Sweden they count on me I just don’t want to disappoint them
This sounds like an anxiety problem.  You are 'in the know' about what are actual risks for HIV and you haven't had them.  I know in the country you mention, there is a lot of fear and disdain and even discrimination still left related to HIV.  But you could really say this is like any type of health anxiety.  I've read there is still a stigma to mental health care in your country but they are making strides to provide services. This is what is needed for you.  A professional to guide you with coping skills and possibly treatment for anxiety.  Is that something you could find?  I think it would be most beneficial.
I really appreciate your time and mr.paxiled  I know you guys are volunteers and thank you so much for helping me and give my advices and reliefs.
I will try to find one, My last experience wasn’t so good it’s not easy to talk about these thing in Qatar even to test you will not be treated properly, and if you have anything you will be deported. that’s why my anxiety is high But I always remind myself I did not have any exposure and I did test and know my status,
I am a healthy man and should focus on taking care of my family because they count on me and continue to work without worry.
The fact that’s no one has infected by needles for test and people deals with its every day and it’s probably doesn’t work the second time because of clotting factors And what’s the odds the person before me have any medical conditions and finally Health care professionals knows how to do their job make me realize that’s its all good and should stop worrying.
I guess what’s I have it’s “ shame and guilt and self blame for putting my self in This situation and multiple pointless tests!
I am sorry if I take a lot of time it’s just make me feel better to talk about my fears here. I am starting to accept my results and move on
Yes, I've read about some of the cultural barriers to HIV and mental health care both.  That does make it harder.  But you could phrase it as health anxiety and leave that specific out and talk about fear of illness from needle including HIV.  Accepting you don't have HIV is challenging for you.  But you can do it.  You need coping skills for when the fear starts to come in. THAT is what a therapist may be able to offer.  
Thank you so much, after your advice I have booked an appointment after a week with a very decent therapist And quite an expensive one but nothing more expensive than your mental health.
I hope it’s will resolve all my fears to be back to my normal life.
And last question if I may to conclude this thread with all thanks and appreciation to you and mr paxiled.
if you were in my situation will you be worried?
Hey, to live is to worry, right?  But worry about things that are real.  Guilt is useful as it teaches us what not to do again, but if you let it go too far you learn nothing from it and just freeze.  I will say this -- you sound like you did one thing you deeply regret.  You don't say if you used protection or not when you had sex, but it sounds like you are more concerned that you had sex than anything else.  It's very hard to live in a religiously oppressive environment, and your current country isn't at all alone in that.  The whole world has religious oppression and repression and it's very hard to overcome that and separate the spiritual good that one gets from that from the mythology and propaganda that goes along with any system anyone lives in.  Meaning, learn to leave yourself alone and accept you will never be perfect.  If this is the worst thing you ever do you will have lived a better life than anyone else alive.  And seriously, you really didn't do anything objectively wrong as long as the sex was consensual and you used protection, and if you didn't, next time do.  And if things do get to a point where you don't think you can get past this, your life is more important than your job, and Sweden is a great place to get the kind of help needed.  But I think you'll be fine, time will fix this, with some help.  Peace.
Thank you so much for your help I really got a lot better Because of this forum, I’m starting to believe In myself and got rid of most of the irrational thought and I am happy again
It’s matter of time and it’s a situation that’s I am gonna past this.
And yes it’s was protected and was my first sexual intercourse “ I am 21 years old “ and got tested after 14 months in 3 different labs.
My concern was about the blood draw needles but I’m starting to believe it’s irrational after I talked with the lap and some doctors.
It’s a pleasing as 21 years old living overseas to provide for my family, I don’t want to disappoint them so my problem is guilt and ideas that’s it’s not there as you mentioned and I will see a therapist next week to hopefully pass this.
Again thank you so much I really appreciate your and (special mom) help and information and time. Its was a great help and much needed.
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