Is this HOCD or denial?

[Rebecca901]

I’m just wanting to get opinions on this as I’m so confused. This started when I was 22 and no longer sexually attracted to my boyfriend as we had a toxic relationship. I had a female friend that I got on with so well and I suddenly had the thought ‘am I gay?’ My ex even teased me how we got on so well which made it worse. I then spent 6/7 months on and off looking at other women to see if I feel anything, being very stressed out, questioning if I was a lesbian. It even affected a beauty course I was doing as I didn’t want to be attracted to the girls. I’ve never questioning things before only the odd thought as a kid that I think most people do but I know I’ve always been attracted to men, I’ve had relationships with men, been in love with them etc. When me and my ex split up the thoughts went, although they popped up occasionally and I even asked my best friend who is gay if he thinks I could be to which he laughed and said no. I was then living my best life, so happy being single didn’t have one single thought about any of this for around 6 months until I saw a video of 2 lesbians doing a dance, which made me question things all over again. I’ve spent the past 3 weeks depressed, anxious, barely eating, feeling like I’m losing my identity, asking myself over and over if I’m straight, bisexual etc. It’s stopped me from wanting to go out as I’m constantly looking at women to see if I feel anything, it’s affecting my entire life. Until I found out it could be HOCD when I came across this the anxiety went a little, I’m more calm but now I feel like I could just be thinking it’s HOCD as a cover up to what’s actually going on. Someone please help

[Paxiled]

This is my opinion on this, others will disagree as usual.  There really isn't such thing as HOCD.  It's just a term coined to make money by pharmaceutical companies and psychiatrists so they can prescribe drugs that treat actual OCD, which you don't have.  What you do have is either a case of insecurity that was lingering unnoticed until it got triggered by a bad relationship, or you really are attracted to women as well as men, which makes you bisexual at least in your imagination.  It's unlikely the latter is the case, as your relationships have all been with men.  What many people have without being aware of it is a bias against gay people and therefore a fear can arise that one might be gay.  If you are gay, so what?  That's fine.  The fact the idea bothers you so much is because most of us grow up hearing others expressing anti-gay bias.  Otherwise we wouldn't care, right?  I went through this once when I went through a bad break-up when I was young, and my concern all went away when I saw a therapist twice and was told it was perfectly normal.  Never bothered me again.  Maybe you could use such confirmation because again, you're not acting on this you're just thinking about it.  Attractive women are nice to look at for both men and women.  Doing something about it is a different thing.  If you truly want to have sex with women, do it.  If you truly don't, which is what it sounds like, don't do it.  You can see how there's a difference between considering something and being bothered this much be considering something.  We consider all sorts of things in life; it's only a problem when it bothers you this much.  So don't worry about that scary label HOCD, it's really meaningless.  Anxiety is anxiety, insecurity is insecurity, we can focus it on anything and right now you've focused it on this.  To deal with it, that's what you need to tackle, why you started thinking about this and why it bothers you to think about this.  And if you need help to stop thinking about it, look at it as a bout of anxiety and either relax about it so it loses its importance to you or see a professional who can help you talk through it and discover why you started wondering about your sexuality and why it's bothering you so much.  Peace.

[Rebecca901]

I feel like if I was actually attracted to women though, then the thought wouldn’t of gone for months? I don’t know if this has started again due to getting rejected by a guy. I’ve told my dad how I’m feeling as I couldn’t deal with this feeling anymore and he knew something was wrong as I’ve become so withdrawn. I just don’t feel like me anymore, before these thoughts I was happy. I’ve read people say to accept the thoughts and just let them be but I find that so hard as in general I do overthink and analyse things too much.

[Paxiled]

You may have an anxiety problem if this happens to you a lot.  It might benefit you to see a therapist to figure this all out.  The point is, again, you're still misstating the problem when you discuss above whether or not you're attracted to women.  If you were, so what?  If you're not, so what?  It appears you're not, as you don't act on that.  The problem is that this bothers you this much.  That's the problem to deal with.  If it does turn out you like women, again, so what?  And if it turns out you don't, which it appears is the case, again, so what?