This started about 2 weeks ago, as I was watching a yt video and thought to myself that the girl in it was pretty. My mind had instantly wandered to the possibility that I could be gay/bisexual, after which I started to panic.
At first, I was constantly checking to see the differences between HOCD and denial, as well as stories of people who discovered their sexual identity, to see if I identify amongst them. However, the compulsions have decreased now and it’s causing me a somewhat degree of discomfort as I believe that this is a sign of not having HOCD.
Recently, I also started feeling “attracted” to a same sex acquaintance, to which I previously had no such feelings for. I immediately started crying after that realisation because I did not want to feel that way.
I also have to note that I had a similar phase at 12/13 yo, however that phase was a lot more anxiety based than this present one. I had managed to recover from that with the help of a psychologist and I have managed to find complete comfort in my heterosexual identity.
HOCD had made me numb towards this obsession in a way and it feels like I’m slowly starting to like and accept the possibility of being bisexual, which seems an uncomfortable idea.
I was never attracted to a girl, but the more I think about it, the more foggy my memories get and I start to think that it was probably always there, but I just wasn’t aware of it.
I don’t know what to do in regards to this. Please help me.