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OCD fear of forgetting having sex?

I've had several episodes of OCD fears since I was 14. I'm now 32. It ranged from thinking I had HIV on many ocassions to thinking I was rsped and could not remember or that I slept with someone while drunk and don't remember. That lasted for 7 years. Also having to re-read emails or letters to make sure I wrote what I think I did. I've been in a relationship for almost 2 years now. Everything was fine until a week ago. When out of nowhere the thought popped in my head "what of you had sex with someone else and don't remember".

I can recognize the old thought and patern. Yet I know logic does work here. Now I even doubt what just happened yesterday. I was on the subway and stopped to talk to a homeless man in the middle of walkway. It was brief about 4min and my mind is asking the same question. I have begun to do compulsions. I know this is opposite of what I need to do.

I feel hopeless and scared that this mental loop will continue. I started seeing an OCD specialist today.

I just want to know that it gets better.

Has anyone had simlar thoughs? How did you get better?
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Avatar universal
Hello, Sunflower!

I just found your post, and want to add some of my own experience with OCD over the years. It may be a little late (you posted this in 2017), but better late than never, right? Be aware that english is not my first language; sorry for any mistakes I may commit.

"I feel hopeless and scared that this mental loop will continue. I started seeing an OCD specialist today."

"I just want to know that it gets better."

"Has anyone had simlar thoughs? How did you get better?"

Yes, I have. And it will get better eventually, but only if you do the right things.

I have experienced "hiv phobia" OCD since 2002, with different levels of anxiety over the years. In the recent past, I have learned how to manage it properly. It's not always easy, but the anxiety has decreased significantly since then.

So, basically what I have done to manage my OCD can be described in the following steps:

1) Do not, I repeat, DO NOT try to battle against the intrusive thoughts. I have already experienced the same kind of thoughts you described (among many others), but their nature is not important. Do not try to stop having them. It is useless, and it will cause even more anxiety. You have to learn how to live with them. Let them do whatever they want. It doesn't matter how bizarre or how illogical they are. Let them "shout" in your mind as long as they want.

2) Do not react to them. That's the difficult part. I don't know what reactions you have to these thoughts, but try not to perform them. Easier said than done, I know. But when you perform the compulsions, you're feeding the beast. Let it starve to death, so it won't bother you for some time. At first you may experience more anxiety (because you're used to perform some rituals, even if they are just in your head, like trying to remember some situation in details, over and over again), but it will help you in medium to long term.

3) Sometimes you will feel bad and will perform the rituals. That's normal. If you follow the steps aboce, most of the time you'll feel that you are in control, that's the important part. OCD gets weaker once you stop to feeding it. It may not disappear completely, but it will become less and less annoying over time.

4) Talk to your partner about it. It's always good to have someone to talk about it, even if it's not a professional. When you talk about OCD, you can easily see how it's someting completely illogical, but annoying at the same time.

I don't know how you're feeling at the moment, since so many years have passed. Maybe at this point you already know everything I said. But you're not alone, and  you're definitely not the only person in the world to have experienced those kinds of thoughts. It's only your mind trying to trick you; you just have to learn how to deal with it properly.
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I have had this same stuff,I just need to talk and talk so long that it exhaust me,I hate having this ocd ,I am currently in a waiting period of hiv,and guess what is my exposure,a blood draw,I have had a blood draw 37 days ago and even tho I was watching in my mind I somehow got infected.i have had it with this ocd and fear of hiv and the intrusive thoughts.i sometimes think being dead is better than dealing with this every single day.oh yes I even went on pep for this particular exposure,and every one says I'm crazy that I had no sex and I can't be exposed the way I think.i just want this to end
I think you obviously need therapy to help you deal with this, but do know you aren't describing OCD, you're describing a phobia about getting HIV.  
1699033 tn?1514113133
Well it sounds like OCD to me but I'm not the expert.  The only thing I'm expert at is having OCD.  
Helpful - 0
1699033 tn?1514113133
What you need is to learn how to deal with the thoughts when you have them.  How to stop them in their tracks before they take on a life of their own.  How to recognize the thought pattern and change it.  Replace negative thoughts with positive ones.  Were you learning this with your cognitive therapist?  
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No she has been trying to help me understand them at a deeper level. She recently suggested psychoanalysis. My new therapist is the OCD specialist. I meet with him next week for the second time. He said he will introduce some techniques. I've read a lot on the matter, but I'm not trying to do anything specific yet until I get his proper guidance. For now he said try to delay or prevent the reasurrance.

Part of me questions if this is even OCD. Even though this is not the first irrational thought I have obssessed about...

So overwhelmed...

But thanks for replying..
1699033 tn?1514113133
Things will get better.  Usually stress brings back the thoughts pattern.  Are you stressed over something lately?  Glad you are seeing a therapist again.  
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
Thanks for your reply. Yes, looking back over the last 3 months, I have been very anxious. I've been obsessing over my relationship and seeking constant reassurance about his love for me. I kept thinking this is obsessive and I'm seeking reassurance in the same way I had in the past. And I've had some obsessive thoughts one after an other, and each have seemed to be more concerning tHan the previous, serving to cancel out the one before. Now this one is all consuming.

I've been seeing a cognitive therapist for 4 years now, trying to understand why I fixate over certain ideas that to my logical self are nearly impossible. Now I started to see an OCD specialist. And from what I've been reading and interviews I seen with doctors specialized in OCD, this type of therapy is not the best. What is suggested us behavioral, ERP.

I'm so exhausted...

Thanks for your reply.
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