Pure O problems

[marco12]

So, last 2 and a half months have been pretty much weirdest and most disturbing in my life. It all started with fear of being gay. It literally just popped in my mind and for about month and a half I've been obsessing about being gay. Then, when I finally "broke" the fear and said to myself "I don't give a f*** if I'm gay, I will stop doing all those compulsions" I was fine for few days, but then I became obsessed about being zoophile. This was going on for 3 weeks, and at the end I did the same thing as with gay obsession-I said to myself I don't care. I was fine for a whole week.

Then one night I went outside, saw a girl and said to myself "wow, she is really good looking". It turned out she is 14. And of course, because of my anxious state of my mind, I panicked. No matter I thought she is at least 16. No matter she looked like she is 16. Even my friends said she looked older(I didn't asked them for reassuarence, we were all just commenting). I became obsessed I'm becoming pedo/hebephile. Now I can't even tell difference between girls who are in teenage years. For example, I would see girl who I know is 16-17, would think she is hot, then my mind would say "she looks younger". Even though she actually doesn't. I would even see girls who are over 18 years old and tell "they are for sure way younger".  This is making me go insane. This is by far worse obsession I had. I can't sleep normally. I can't concentrate in school. I'm constantly on verge of throwing up. I have gastritis and my stomach is constantly in pain. People at school are saying I get "detached" from time to time while in class.

Intersting thing, I am 17 years old(turning 18 in 3 months). So this fear actually doesn't make any sense. Even though I'm scared to hell. What to do?

[JGF25]

Thank you for that nice post.  

[itsgoingtobeokay]

Hi Marco. I want to help you because I've dealt with OCD alone and I cured myself. I never went to get help for many reasons and no one in my family knows what I went through. I'm here to tell you personally from my own experience that you can cure your own OCD through knowledge. The more you know about something the more you understand how it works the better you can fix problems in that area. Now don't get me wrong cognitive behavioral therapy and exposure response therapy can help immensely but you can do it on your own without medication and the long term effects it can have on your body in the long run. I want to start off by saying that OCD comes from an anxiety disorder. Before your ocd you delt with anxiety until one day "one thought" caused so much anxiety that it turned into an obsessive thought. From what I've read... you go look up male porn to see if you'll get a boner .. that is you seeking reassurance because your thoughts give you so much self doubt that it's hard for you to remember who you are in the mess of it all. That is a compulsion. You let ocd control you when you go out of your way to prove to yourself that you aren't your thoughts through those complusions. I want you to give you a clear picture/practical/realistic view of what OCD is and once you are mindful of what's going on then you can look at it from a outside perspective and begin to help yourself. Before I begin I want you to remember that YOU ARE normal, this experience is normal, you are not crazy, you are not homosexual. If you were crazy you wouldnt know it but you are in touch with reality to realize that your not. If you were homosexual you wouldnt question whether or not you were 24/7 and you would enjoy it but the fact that it bothers you so much is proof enough to realize it's just ocd. OCD is something you fear, which in your case is obvious. So you think about your fear because you're afraid of it becoming a reality. The more you try to not think about something the more you think about it. The more you try to repress or push away your thoughts the more they occur but WHY? because when you first had your ocd thoughts your body automatically remembers your reaction to those thoughts and an alarm went off inside of you "anxiety" trying to protect from this "harm" that is only in your mind. Now your mind thinks something is wrong with those thoughts and it reminds you of them but once you change how you "feel" when you think about them then you can re-program the way your body reacts to them. The best thing you can do #1 is to KEEP LIVING LIFE LIKE NORMAL regardless of your OCD. sitting around thinking about it and interacting with every thought that passes by doesnt help does it? cause if it did ocd wouldnt be a problem. you need to distract yourself with daily resposiblities regarless of how hard it may be. You need to have an attitude about you like "ocd doesnt control me, I will not give in to the thoughts or compulsions, I will continue to live my life and I will not interact with these obsessive thoughts, eventually they will subside and in time I will cure myself without the help of medication. I will die trying before I give up on myself" do you understand? that it's all in your mind? if you practice "mindful awareness" everyday and you let the thoughts be there without interacting with them just label them as just another annoying ocd thought and you crush all your self doubt by being realisitc and saying to yourself that you know who you are .. your not letting your ocd control you anymore. remember #2 IT TAKES TIME to heal. It took me 6 months to cure myself but with these tips after 2 months I was already feeling so much relief and eventually you are free again. be smart, be strong, "mind over matter" realize what is really happening and educate yourself for the betterment of your recovery. nothing is wrong with you, you just have bad anxiety DO YOU UNDERSTAND? its simple but complex at the same time. you are going to be alright my friend. Hope this helps.

[marco12]

I'm going to see psychiatrist at thursday. Since I dropped to the point where I'm whole day having those awful thoughts, can't do anything productive and have dropped my grades really bad, psychologist set me up with psychiatrist to finally get diagnosed and start meds

[Rywol]

That's what pure o does, it can make you think you are anything if you give into the thought. Pure o causes a lot of anxiety if you let the thought take over. This includes Tons of compulsions such as checking to see if you are aroused or not. I know what you mean when you say the arousal seems so real, but the fact of the matter is that it is not real, never has been, and never will be. The basic step to getting over it is if a thought like that comes into your head, think of something else immediately. It really does help

[Qutesepye]

Rywol is right, you have OCD. It is scary and part of it is thinking that you don't have OCD  and are just a horrible person.Maybe you and your mother should go see a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist may be able to explain to your mother that medication is not a bad idea. I am sorry for the suffering that you are going through.

[marco12]

When thinking about being with girl that much younger than me I'm almost throwing up. However, sometimes groinal response feels so strong, almost like real arousal, and that's killing me. It's like I'm not sure if I'm throwing up because I'm not attracted or because I know what her age is. I don't want to be pedo/hebephile. Worst thing is, I'm even afraid to look at any girls anymore because I'm unsure of their age. This time I really hope this is just OCD because I won't be able to live myself if this is true

[Rywol]

Yes all of these are forms of pure o. Take it from someone that had/has hocd, it only gets worse if you keep giving into the thought. My psychologist has told me that anytime a gay thought comes into my head to immediately change the thought and think to all the times you've acted in a "straight" manner. It sounds simple, but you wouldn't believe how much it actually helps. Take my advice

[marco12]

I am going to psychologist, she said I probably don't have OCD and that's all just anxiety. It's true in some part, I've been really anxious for last 2 years, but since those thoughts came it elevated to whole new level. I've dropped in everything, people are asking me on daily basis what's going on with me, including students and professors at school. I'm becoming dysfunctional and I fear it's just matter of time when I will finally snap and  develop some kind of psychosis(like schizophrenia).  Right now, as I said, I'm afraid of looking at girls, even of my age, because I'm not sure how old are they. I just can't tell.

When I had HOCD, I had so called "false attractions". And every person I would imagine would be that guy I had "crush" on. Literally every. So I would had situations when imagining, for example when reading, where I would have 5 charachters who would look like that guy I had "crush" and all in the same scene. When I was afraid of becoming zoophile, every person had tail in my mind. This is so messed up. What makes me believe this is actual chemical inbalance is this what you said-I shift from obsession to obsession. I'm just wondering what is next.

Even if I went to psychiatrist, I can't take meds because my mother won't allow me to take them and I'm just 17. She thinks if I take meds I will vegetate for the rest of my life. I can't go on like this. This is my final year in high school, I have to take tests for college, and if I fail them I'm pretty much f***** up.

[123tushar07]

all are common signs of ocd , ur mind is jumping from one obsession to another, until u get treated this will go on and on, its better to consult a psychiatrist, ocd cant get better on its own