Im an 18 year old male, and ive had a mental problem since i was a little kid. ive never talked to anyone about my problem though because i feel that it would be too akward to talk about. Ive never had help for this problem nor even talked to an expert about it. I believe that i have ocd. I can no longer enjoy things in life. I cant even leave my house without returning several times to check and make sure everything is turned off. Even when i know that something has been turned off, it still worries me that it isnt turned off. Then theres the germ thing, if i touch anything that has a red stain on it, or touch anywhere near it, i stress out about it and i have to wash my hands because i cant help but think that the stain is blood. and that i could catch something from it if i dont wash my hands. Im constantly looking at my hands to make sure there is nothing on them. Im afraid to touch door handles because im afraid i will get something on my hands. I often have a fear of shaking other peoples hands as well. I also have problems in conversations , when i tell someone something i feel that it must be exactly right and word for word, and i feel like if its not word for word, then im lying and something terrible could happen because of it, its like a voice in my head telling me different than what i already know. it even tells me im lying when i know im telling the truth and i have to repeat myself several times until i feel that it is just right. I also feel like i have to sacrifice everything i enjoy doing to keep my loved ones safe and i feel like if i dont sacrifice the things i enjoy, something bad could happen and it would be my fault. i constantly pray for the safety of my loved ones and other people to ensure their safety and its not just one prayer and then stopping, its constant prayer. I avoid unlucky numbers because i feel like something bad could happen to someone if i dont avoid them. i believe some people have noticed my actions and think that my actions are weird, but at the same time, i dont think they have a clue why im like this. I have unwanted thoughts of not caring about loved ones, thoughts of not caring about what happens to them. Like i would not be bothered if something bad happened to someone. i have such dull emotions and im so coldhearted sometimes that it suprises me because i know i care a great deal about my loved ones and id never want anything bad to happen to them or anyone else for that matter. Its like im 2 different people in one. I know who the real me is, but this problem wont let me be who i really am. I often have times where im very careless of what i do, its like i get angry. I feel like the world is against me and that everyone is an enemy. i feel like im not important at all, and that i have nothing to lose at times. often times in a group i will feel left out. there could 10 people in a crowd and if im talking with them , i get the sense that they do not want me around and that they are talking about me. I have had thoughts of suicide for years. It wouldnt be so bad if a coldhearted person was who i really am. But its a struggle in life trying to be good, and wanting to good, and wanting to feel emotion but half the time not being able to. I have unwanted thoughts pacing through my head most of the time, whether it be about germs, lying, or worrying about something bad happening. Most of the time its all three. Every now and then i will be satisfied and not stress out. But that doesnt last long before the unwanted thoughts come back again. Do you think i have ocd?