End of Marriage?

[donna107222]

I am an attractive middle-aged woman. I have had the ileostomy for a year.  I am wondering if it is possible for a woman with an ileostomy to find love or marriage again?  Seems like this thing would be a barrier to a new serious relationship.  I know there are pretty intimate garmets to wear, but it is an unpleasant thing to have.
Any experiences to share?

[LonnyPaxston]

I share your pain. Two weeks ago I was a 53 yr.old man.6' 230 lbs. And in great physical condition. I've been told I'm extremely handsome but I've been alone for most of my life. I have no family and I've always been scared to start relationships in fear of being hurt or hurting another.Thinking my patience will be rewarded I've lived my life being the best man I can be. Praying everyday that God will give me the strength to be a better man than I was the day before. I've wanted a relationship but continued to wait for the one that took my breath away. Now two week after having the tumor removed and finding out the cancer was in my lymphnoids as well as learning how to cope with adorning this ornament.The loss of 60 lbs.I feel I will die alone never knowing what it's like to love and be loved. My whole life seems to of been for nothing.

[Forgot2Wake]

I know this thread is quite old but for any who find themselves in "this position" I will share this.. I was single and in my early 20s. That was a few decades ago so I have a lot of experience. I had an emergency irreversible ileostomy. I woke up alone and in horror that I was "deformed now". That is how I felt. First is acknowledging that you are still the same person, it is more a matter of self acceptance. Friends and loved ones will still accept and love you just the same. For dating .. oh boy that was a biggy. When to tell your potential  new partner? I highly recommend a few dates first but in reality it was often spur of the moment as I went to "slip into something a little more uncomfirtable" .. laughingly said. There are many nighties you can slip off your shoulders and will hover/cover the abdomen. Tank tops (slip arms out and pushed down to the abdomen) are wonderful for this as spontaneous moments are often not at home. The tank top works great for guys also. Have there been embarrassing moments? Pouch pulled off accidentally by/in the heat of the moment? Yup .. no, you don't die of embarrassment it only feels like it. Lol .. the best thing to do is learn to laugh. The "wow.. we've gotten pretty wild. Come on! Shower time". Showers together are fun too so the intimacy is continued. Mainly it will come down to how you handle it. They will take their cues as to how to react from you. Remember I have decades of experience here and learned this is the truest part. I even had several partners who asked to be shown how to put it on me should I ever need help. This helps them to deal with any insecurities or fears as it is the time to discuss the ostomy and possibly your health. Wishing you all the very best. Remember you are still exactly who you alwsys were.. just healthier now.

[donna107222]

Thank you for your informative reply. I will read your article. God Bless You.

Donna

[ET1980]

Hi DonnaYes there is life and relationship after having an ileostomy. I am an ET nurse and have just written an article about a talk I gave in Toronto Canada in August of this year. It would be good for you to read it as I talk a lot about Sexuality and Intimacy with an Ostomy. There is no perfect time to tell anyone new in your life that you have an ostomy but when you meet that right person acceptance will happen. The surgery you had saved your life and becasue of that you are here. Sometimes it is educating the other person about an ostomy but sometimes it is just letting them know that the only thing different is the way you go tot he bathroom. You are a wonderful person. Keep positive and let this be a new bum in a different place. This surgery has not changed you as a person only how you function. All the best. Joy  

[Paulalex]

You are quite welcome and I wish you the best.

[donna107222]

Thank you Paulalex! I guess I need to stay positive. Your comment really helped

[donna107222]

Trixie,

Thank you for your very kind remark!

[Paulalex]

I have a good friend who has an ileo since he has been about 25.and he is 55 now. He met the love of his life on an internet ileo support group.
His fiancé has an ileo to, they will be getting married soon.