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282804 tn?1236833591

A message from Donna

Donna has asked me to write to you all for her because she is just to weak, but she wanted to do a final posting. Please accept this as if it is coming from her.



Dear Friends,

I want you to know how much I appreciate your friendships, your love and encouragement and your prayers.  I came on the forum like everyone else looking for information.  I did not expect to find the love and friendships that I have found on MH.  It is so much more than a place to gather information on OvCa.  I have made friendships on here that I know I will take with me. We have laughed together, cried together, schemed together and mourned together.  We have been able to accomplish some wonderful things on here and I know that you all will watch over the forum and keep it the loving, supportive, fun place it has become.

I am throwing up quite a bit but they are controlling it as best they can. I am on enough pain medication that I don't hurt.  The survival instinct is very strong in all of us and when I started having heart problems tonight I fought it like a dummy and realized I shouldn't have.  I am very sleepy and right now I am having trouble breathing. I just want to go peacefully.

Throughout this ordeal you all have kept my spirits up with so many notes, msgs, phone calls and prayers, but now it is time to say goodbye and I would like to ask that you all pray that this ends quickly now.   I don't want to go, so please don't think that I just gave up.  I would like to have another 50 yrs the same as anyone, but there is nothing left to fight for and it is time to let go.

You all have been just amazing and I love you very much.  Those of you that have become my closest friends know who you are.  I want you to know that I hold you close to my heart and I thank you for all the laughs.  We had a lot of fun on here and I want you to remember those times. I know you will continue to fight the good fight and I expect you to win. I will be watching over you all.  When you think of me I expect it to be with a grin for my wickedly dry sense of humor and not with tears of unhappiness.

With much love and appreciation,
Donna
83 Responses
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523728 tn?1264621521
This is my greatest fear.  Things have really not changed much since my dad died of colorectal cancer in 1980.  Again, his doc at least asked permission to give the extra morphine.  
For dear Donna to be tortured this way is criminal.  There must be a better way.
Helpful - 0
187666 tn?1331173345
It brings back the memories of my Dad too weak to stand or even sit up alone, holding on to the little soda bottle we rigged up with a straw through the cap. I can't remember how long he went without any nutrition. For the last few weeks he lived on sips of water and orange juice. She should be on some meds to handle the nausea and discomfort. My Dad had liquid morphine that was easy to give under the tongue and was quick acting.

Here in Oregon we do have the 'Death with Dignity' law that allows a person to decide to take medication to speed up the process. Also known as assisted suicide. Not for everyone I know but a few people have used it over the years.

I just don't understand why hospice isn't managing the pain and nausea better. Not like they're worried she'll become addicted.
Helpful - 0
415684 tn?1257329318
Dear Lord:  It's time.  Please lift Donna in your loving arms and take her home to You.  
Helpful - 0
135691 tn?1271097123
Thanks Jan...my heart just aches for her. I can appreciate what your saying about the patches...that's a good tip. I would hate to think this could be dragged out for so long...I had no idea...
Please know too Jan, that while all of us are very concerned about Donna, we know too that you are going through a very hard time as well. Please don't feel bad for not updating us...if anyone should feel bad, it's me for not having posted a question asking how your doing. I'm sorry that, on top of having to slowly lose your friend, your feeling as sick as you are.
This disease is so wretched...
I love ya Jan...take care of yourself.
Becky
Helpful - 0
282804 tn?1236833591
I am sorry I have not updated this.  I just don't know what to say anymore.  I am angry that we can't do for Donna what any vet would do for a dog at this stage.  Why should she have to suffer through this?  Why can't our friendly GP's just give us an overdose of morphine which is what my family doc did for my mother?  

The only msg I got from Donna today was that everyone in the family was trying to see her and that she felt terrible. Brenda said she is going to stop the visits because it is to much for Donna. The last text msg I got today was from Brenda, the woman who is so lovingly taking care of Donna, and it is not good.  Donna's vision is still blurry, she is throwing up and nauseated, and she has trouble even trying to sit up.  She sleeps most of the time though so that is a blessing. They are able to control the pain.  Right now she is on dilaudid, but hospice has the morphine ready in case she needs it also.  When I spoke with Brenda Thurday she said they were counting in hours not days, but for some reason our girl is still hanging in there. I hope Brenda is right for Donna's sake. On the 24th I got a txt from Donna saying that she shakes all over when she tries to stand and needs help with that. She has only gotten worse since than.  .

If there is one thing I have learned from this it is that we have to take things into our own hands.  Donna has been off of nutritional IV's since the 5th and they told her it wouldn't take long after that, well it has been 3 weeks and that is to long.  Since than she has spent all this time nauseous, throwing up stuff that doesn't look like it should be inside her to start with, having her vision go blurry, can't stand up or even pull herself up in bed, can't hold a glass.  Scru that!!!! You all saw the pictures of Donna that I put up just a month ago well, you wouldn't recognize her now. She weighs less than 100 lbs and her cheeks are sunken in.  Her whole face looks gaunt, well, worse than that, but I can't think of a better word.  She should have been able to go while she still looked healthy.  Why should we wait until we look like the crypt keeper before we go?  Please pray that this ends soon for our Donna. She shouldn't have to feel this bad, it isn't right.

Why does it have to end like this.  It is inhumane!!!!!  I am going to start saving a fentanyl patch from each box and when my time comes if it isn't quick enough I am going to put those suckers everywhere.  I will fall asleep and my heart will give out. THE END.  I am going to chose how I go out and I WILL NOT let myself be dragged through what Donna has had to endure.  I would encourage all of you who know that this disease is going to get you to prepare for that eventuality the way I am going to do.

I promise I will do better about keeping you updated. I am not doing so well myself these days, but that is no excuse.  I just don't know what to say sometimes.

I am not going to turn this into a political discussion, but I would like you all to remember that Barak Obama's mother died of ovarian cancer and he has promised that more funding will go to those "obscure" cancer's that claim so many lives yet get so little funding. He has said it is "criminal" that ovarian cancer stats have not changed at all in 30 yrs.  I don't want Donna's post to turn into a political war, I am just throwing that out there for you all to think about. I don't want to think about my girls having to go through what Donna is going through and the only way to avoid that is more funding and research. Yes, most likely one or both of my daughters will get this horrible disease.

Helpful - 0
187666 tn?1331173345
Thank you for the news. I was praying for her last night and just got a bit anxious.
Helpful - 0
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