Tired

[bohan54]

I don't want to fight.  I don't want to pretend I will be alright.  Come on let's get real.   This battle cannot be won.  Love to all my buds, sorry to go out this way.

[bohan54]

I feel like a big crybaby.
Let's let this thread fade away, I'm trying to get my mind into a better place.

I actually laughed out loud at the onc's office yesterday.  I'm 54 and both my husband and I were "hippies."  Actually I've always hated that categorization but for want of a better term...  Anyhow, my onc is about 37ish, very clean cut Ivy League type.  Cute as a button.  We were discussing how food tastes like cow manure after chemo for at least a week.  He asked with a poker straight face, "How about medicinal marijuana?"   We then had a conversation about his hippy parents who had cookies in the freezer that the kids weren't allowed to eat LMAO!  

I love you guys, thanks,
Sharon

[milashka]

Sharon,

I felt exactly like it before I even started fighting. I ended up playing along and met many nice ladies that inspired me to hang in there. I don't know your situation but I know how you feel and hope you can get past this somehow. If I had given up then, I would be dead by now. Instead, I am doing well three years later.

One of my friends - we did chemo together - just passed away two weeks ago. When we said our last goodbye she beggd me to never let this disease let me down no matter what, because it serves no purpose other than making oneself and others more miserable. She had it rough these past years but was always positive, funny, and well dressed :) She was an inspiration and I miss her. I wish I could send her your way to support you during the dark times. She would know how.

[helenl89]

you are going to have good days and bad days, hang on, with us we will help you, see nocc message board in nov 2008, for a real bad day;  I get in these cycles, if it wasn't for the people on these mesage boards I don't think i get through. To have a perfect stranger tell you that you can get thru the next bad day, can be a heaven scent. Keep talking. I too will ometimes want to give up. but i  try to think of the little engine that could and just keep trying. If you want to talk I am at ***@****, will get through it together

[crecco]

Sharon,
  In no way are you dragging anyone down. We all know what it is like as we have been exactly where you are. Believe me, at times like this, we all need each other. Please open up to us and let us help. We can fight, but at times it is hard to do alone.
I understand that you are probably just worn down. For some reason it works that way. But you will begin to feel better. It just takes a little time. In the meanwhile, let us know what we can do to help. If it is advise, someone to vent to, what ever, we have all been there.
  Many of us come here looking for answers and support and end up helping others, just as you have done. Now let us do the same for you. That is what makes this "family" so special. There is no selfishness. We all want to try and give back as much as we have recieved.
Hang in there Hon. I know it is a long, hard fight, but you can do it!
  Love Chris

[doicat]

Hey, I'm new here but you were one of the first to give me encouragement.  As a newbie, I can honestly say that this forum has been a godsend to me.  Truely.  And it is 100% because of each and everyone of you that responds to the questions.  There is no one in my local social network that has gone through this.  To have people like you, who respond to a (usually very personal and distressing) question/comment makes us feel like we are not alone in this "journey" (hate that word)!  

I'm so new at this that I can't give you any advice, but I can say that I (and other newbies) need people like you here.  

Take care and I my prayers are with you.

Doicat

[marie3B]

I just saw this.  I am so sorry you are in such a rough place.  I have hit spots like that before too.  I feel helpless at times too and usually I can pull strength from the support I get here.  I apologize for not being much support to anyone lately.  I am in over my head with all these kids.  I will try to do better.  Love, Marie

[Teresa222]

You just might need a short break from this forum.  It can be very depressing AND uplifting.  It depends on where we are when we sit down to read it and digest the reality of the situation.  I know you are tired and depressed.  I am too. But, we have to learn to appreciate every day we have.  I have yet to learn that, but am working on it.  You keep your chin up my friend.  And please don't go away.  You are one that I need here with me.
Teresa

[nyc lady]

Sharon - you are not dragging anyone down....please don't think that...and this place isn't always for cheery....there really is nothing cheery about OvCa.....please allow to us to continue to be part of your journey....we may not be able to help you, but, I am sure that there is alot that we can learn from you.  We need you.
Sending lots of love,
Pam

[cirella]

Dear Sharon,
Please know that there are people here who will lift you up when you are too weary to stand on your own.  I cannot offer any cheery advice b/c I am not in your shoes, but...as everyone has said, we are here for you.

Take care and a big hug for you.
Love

[bohan54]

Thank you for your kindness.  I promise to return when and if I can make a positive contribution here.  I don't want to drag anyone else down to where I am right now.   I admire all of you and wish I could share your optimism.  Good luck!
Sharon

[marleerose]

Sharon, I echo all that has been said so far. Please, we all have been there, it is called just taking a break. You can and will get back in the saddle. I too have been having a little falter, but speaking with friends has helped. We are your friends and are here to do whatever we can! Come back today and see us all standing in the battle line, fighting for and with you!!!!!!! Love, Barb

[jlock]

I was just feeling the same last week,as I celebrated my 4th year cancerversary.  I was down and depressed about this disease and how it changed my life.....but I felt better the next day.  We all need to vent and let off some steam from time to time...always trying to be positive is almost as exhausting as the disease itself. I echo all the other ladies posts....I hope today will be a better day for you...sending (((hugz))~~Joanne

[dawnlyn]

Sharon, We are here for you.  I hope you get a good nights sleep and will be back on soon.  You are in my thoughts.

Love,
Dawnlyn

[lvfrogs]

Sharon,
You are a strong woman, please do not give up. I hope that a night's sleep and a new day will have changed your mind. I do not walk in your shoes, so I won't presume to tell you what to do, I will, however, keep you in my prayers and please write anytime you need to talk. Hugs, Colleen

[SimplyStar]

Sharon,  Don't you dare give up.  Be a warrior,  If not for the ones you love  then for me, I need some fighters right now,  Tomorrow is just a few hours away, and it is a new day, there are so many things you can do in a day. Reminds me of the football game I watched yesterday, Iowa hsdn't won  in the last four weeks, but, they won by 1 point in the last seconds  , with a lucky kick,  They beat the #3 team, Give this old cancer  that lucky kick, lets try one more time and see what happens. Maybe you just need that one extra point.  I need you around right now, just to talk too.  In  fact I need all my friends, to help me just get through these Holidays.  Love Marty

[fungirl1011]

Sharon, I just want you to know that we are all here for you to talk to and to pray with you.  Please feel free to PM any of us at any time.  Hope you get a good nights sleep and come back to us tomorrow.  You are very valuable to this forum.  Love, Kasie

[vegas2cr]

Sharon there are many battle phases to this war some of the battles we win some we lose but we DONOT LOSE THE WAR.  There is no way in the world any of us are going to let you give up.  You are important to many people and we need you..Please Sharon get a good nights sleep and we will help you battle again tomorrow.. for tomorrow is what keeps us all going..

[Sandymac]

Sharon.. just talk to us.. Write a PM to your best friends, drop a line to any of us. You've got to know we're all here .. we're as close as your computer key board..

Sandy

[yrrek]

No pretending Sharon, It is a fight, and it is excruciating, take a break for tonight, no decision has to be made tonight.  We are here.

[TrudieC]

Sharon, I am worried about you.  Mary is right.  Please keep talking.  We need you here and will find a way to help if we can.

[Mary 53]

Hey Sharon,

I just sent you a note. What can we do for you? Do you have anyone to speak with tonight? Sounds like you are having an incredibly tough night. Just keep writing if that will help... even if it helps just a little. You know we'll listen.

Hugs to you accross the miles.

Mary